Via Prague: The Pension Florida ... A Short Novel, Ch. 1

1 Grub

... I don't know, I ... I just don't like America. I know, it's -- I don't know ... I just feel more comfortable here in Prague ... that's what I say when people ask, ask me why ... why I stay here. It's just ... better. I feel at home here. Even if I don't have a JOB! Ha! Ha! I don't even have a passport! Yeah, it got stolen one night on the tram, along with my phone and wallet. I was passed out, coming home from Chapeau ... woke up at the end of the tram line near Hostivař, and my passport, wallet and phone were all gone, they took them straight out of my jacket! I'd have asked my dad buthe's not doing any better than me ... we came over from Cleveland together, 'bout 12 years ago, I was 17 then. He's part Czech, my dad, and we came over here to grow weed. We had this farm in South Bohemia near Budějovice. It was good until we got busted.This girl, my girlfriend's friend, she spent the weekend with us and when she left she stole a bunch of weed and then talked about it, told everyone and then it got around to the neighbors who called the cops. My dad ended up doing five years, got out and went back to America ... I don't know what he's up to now, we don't talk much anymore. My mom and me don't get along either. She didn't even answer my email at Christmas until like a month later, when she finally sent me $150 to get a new passport. I used it to buy weed ... that's how I get by these days, I got a private dealer, this friend, who gives me pretty good deals, and I sell at the bars and clubs in the center ... I don't know ... I guess it's all right, you gotta be smart about it. For one thing there's a lot of competition. One time at this place, The Cross Club, I got taken to a back room where these big guys tell me to empty my pockets. They ended up stealing 10 grams from me and telling me to leave and never come back (luckily I managed to keep a few grams hidden they didn't find). Another time at Chapeau, I was just there, getting stoned and this black guy he walks up to me and is like, 'Do you have any Ecstasy?' I was like, 'Uh, yeah ...' cause I have some of that too sometimes. He asked to see it, so I showed him one pill. He was like, 'I'll be right back,' and next thing these bouncers are over and hauling me out. They've got it all controlled -- you have one guy who's friends with the owner or whoever and he gets to sell and the rest of the dealers get thrown out. Then there was the time at the Czech Inn, this hostel for students, I was selling weed there until someone complained to the management and I was told never to come back or they'd call the cops.
So that's how it is. You gotta be smart about it.
... I don't know ... People say I should just go back to America ... but I don't like America. It's better here. It feels like home.
YEAH! Prague here we GO! Whoo-hoo!

Maria is one reason it feels like home, I guess. Ha! Maria! Man, you should see her. She's really cool! Maria SUPER-DISCO! She owns this place outside of Prague, near the Skalka metro station. It's called the Pension Florida. Man, you shoulda seen that place back in the DAY, the Nineties, I stayed there for a while when I first got here. Man, back in those days the Pension Florida was the place to BE! All these Americans, people from England, France, Holland, New Zealand, everywhere, they all would stay at Maria's. It's a big old place, three stories, with like ten rooms. Man, every night was a big par-tay! You shoulda seen Maria then, this big old crazy Czech lady with this crazy long red hair. She didn't know any English except this one word, 'Super-disco!' We'd be downstairs in the living room watching TV and the walls upstairs would start shaking from the young couples fucking upstairs and Maria would be like, 'AHHH! SUPER-DEEESCO!' Yeah! Maria, she loved superdisco, she still does, except now she's got a bad heart and she can barely get around. We all have to clean the place, or at least I do. That's part of the reason she lets me stay. Nowadays Maria mostly just sits in the living room with her cats, she's got like 20 of them, and she sits and flips through all these old books signed by the guests over the years. She must have like 50 of these books, all scribbled and filled with drawings and special messages ('La Bella Maria.... Dearest Maria ... ) and inscriptions from all the guests over the years. Most promised to come back someday, but most of them never did. There's even a picture of me, and an inscription, from back when I first arrived. Maria likes to show it to everyone. She takes out the picture, I look like a boy I swear, and she says, 'Ah, my Grub! He was so handsome, my angel! But now! Ah, only drinking, only the marijuana!'
She still likes me though. I take care of the place, sort of. It's not the same as it was, back during the Pension Florida's hey day. The place is all run down now, Maria doesn't have the money or the energy anymore to put into the place. She's got a son who now and then checks on her, but he's married now and lives in town. As for the guests, they've changed. All the young foreigners now, they'd rather go to the new places in the center, where they're close to the action. There are so many places to stay the Pension Florida's kind of lost its allure. Now most of the people who room here are sketchy ... a lot of Ukrainians, Russians who either work in construction or sell dope or don't work at all but just sit in their rooms drinking. A lot of them are pretty rough and they think they can take advantage because Maria's sick and old. They try to stay without paying rent, making a mess everywhere and stinking up the toilet -- man! I try to help. Now me and Maria just call the cops when there's a problem and the cops kick the trouble-makers out.

I think that's why Jake backed out. He's a friend, an American guy, who was supposed to get a room here. Around Christmas time we talked about it. I invited him over and me and Maria were planning on giving him the biggest and best room in the house, this second-story room with a great view of the garden. Yeah, I forgot to tell about the garden. It's great, man, in the summer time -- YEAH --we sit outside, drink beer, barbecue, SUPER-DISCO! Whoo-hoo! It's nice. Jake seemed really into it too. He and Maria sat among all the cats in the living room and talked and Maria and I showed him the old guest books, including the picture of me back in the days, and we reminisced and he seemed really into it until I told him about the problems we had with the other guests. The next day, the day he's supposed to move in, Jake texts and says he decided after all to stay in Vršovice, and that was that. I was supposed to make a little off that deal, but it's OK. Jake is a good guy, he used to be a journalist or something in the States but now he teaches English here like I used to when I lived in China. He surprises me sometimes, he can be smart. But Jake, he's a little chicken and, well, he's a little crazy too, drinks too much, so maybe it was a good thing after all.
When I say he's chicken, it's like: the other day, I wanted to sell this phone I found at this bar in the center, someone left it, swear to God. That's part of being a drug dealer; you have to get used to sitting in bars or clubs for a LONG time, sometimes all night, and so sometimes you see things, shit just happens. People get fucked up and they forget things, like with me and my stuff. Seriously, it happens. Anyway, I'd found this phone (took out the SIM card) and wanted to pawn it because I needed cash to go and buy more weed. This guy Jake helped me before when my mom sent cash, we had my mom send the money in his name and we picked it up at Western Union in his name, which we did no problem. So we met at I.P. Pavlova and I can see right away he's nervous and a little resentful. 'You realize if that phone is stolen I go to jail,' he said on the tram. I was like, 'Dude, I swear ...' And it was no problem. Actually, I'd been there earlier and the dude there offered me 600 crowns but wouldn't give me the money without ID. When Jake and I finally sold it later, a different guy was there and he gave us 900, which means the first guy was going to rip me off. That just shows you ... there's a lot of that in Prague, people like to steal. You gotta be smart about things.
YEAH! SUPER-DISCO! Prague! ... I don't know ... I've got to go get some weed now, then go see Wolfgang. You'll hear more about him later. The thing is, he usually buys weed from me, but last week when I didn't have any money or weed, he went and found a new dealer. That's another thing. You've got to always have stuff. Otherwise, people will always find someone else.

Comments

I don't know who you are but give my love to Maria if you actually see her. My name is Scott....i was her "superchief" for some time. You can tell her it is her superchief whose hair she has in a box. The picture you paint of Pension Florida (my home for over a year back in 1992) is not a good one. Has it really gotten that bad? How is Maria's health? She was good to me and me to her. Give her my love.

Scott Beach

Posted by: scott | March 12, 2009 01:46 PM

Hi Scott
Sorry I missed your post earlier. Interesting to hear you stayed there. Where are you now? Maria's still around but definitely slowing down, and yeah, definitely problems with some of the tenants.

Posted by: James Tressler | March 31, 2009 08:05 AM

I used to be there every weekend from 1993-1994 (I lived out in Moravia). If you see Maria, tell her that I would love to sing "Lasko, Lasko" with her again.

Posted by: Ryan Davis | April 16, 2009 09:52 PM

I stayed at Pension Florida in 1994. Supermasturbation as well. And Santa Barbara dubbed in Czech.
Maria called me Sweet Knees, and my boyfriend at the time was Supercatholic. Things always happened and we were all friends.

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