Spell check comedians (part 2)
My first posting on this subject lamented that there was a wealth of comedic computerized goofs and human misunderstandings, but they all seemed to be in the legal field. As a follow-up to that posting, I came across a similar listing of goofy legal mix-ups from the same source.
These are compiled from the American Bar Association E-Report ...
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My client was suing a roofer who had made her tin roof out of 20-pound tin (for decorative items) instead of the required 40-pound tin. On cross-examination, I asked the roofer what his contract meant by obligating him to perform in "a workmanlike manner." His response? "That means when I’m up on the roof, I won’t whistle at women."
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While clerking for a state supreme court, I read a ... petition from an inmate (who was acting without an attorney). He had diligently read over the rules detailing what his petition needed to include, but his literal interpretation was the kicker. The rules required a prayer for relief, so he started his petition off with (paraphrased), "Dear Lord, I pray that the justices find that I was wrongfully convicted."
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An attorney colleague reported that a letter he dictated to his legal secretary came back reading, "There was not Juan Sentila of evidence to support the claim." Of course, what he actually said was "one scintilla." And this was a legal secretary.
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"A deposition is a formal proceeding …" was a standard line I had used in the letter to my client explaining what a deposition was. It resulted in the witness appearing in a tuxedo, formal shirt, bow tie and patent leather shoes. I was a second-year associate and had to excuse myself upon arriving at the conference room. Opposing counsel got a good laugh, too!
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In a domestic property dispute, the attorney said the husband walked in and found his wife in bed with her paramour. What was understood by the typist was that he walked in and found her in bed with her "power mower." This typo was not caught by the attorney and was submitted to the judge. Needless to say, everyone got quite a charge out of it.
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Early in my legal career, a senior partner assigned me to represent a client who wished to evict his tenant for nonpayment of rent. When I met with the tenant, I asked him whether there was a lease, to which he replied, "No, it’s a mouth-to-mouth tenancy."
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In reviewing draft estate-planning documentation, a client asked why certain provisions only applied if someone died on a highway, misinterpreting "intestate" (the legal word for dying without a written will) for "interstate."
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During law school, I was explaining the classes I was taking to my wife’s friend, including that I was taking torts. Surprised, she asked why they taught baking in law school and whether it was an elective to teach us stress relief.
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In the family law/divorce area, people are constantly calling a "dissolution" a "disillusionment." This could be a Freudian slip in that they have become disillusioned with their spouse and now want out. Maybe they have the right term after all.
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I was a court administrator in one court, and my wife was a civil motions clerk in another. A Hispanic gentleman with a thick accent called her demanding to speak to a "Generale Daniel." Luckily, my wife speaks Spanish and was able to finally discern that he was served with a civil complaint and someone told him to file a "general denial."
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I was at the deposition of a wiry, old Southern "cracker" when the earnest young attorney taking the deposition asked the deponent whether he had been served with a subpoena duces tecum (legal requirement to bring the items with you) for the deposition. "Duces tecum?" he responded, "I got aces, deuces wild!" Every time I hear duces tecum now, I hear his rejoinder in my head.
OK, I admit the "Generale Daniel" submission was mine, but it made it into the ABA list ... I can't believe there are not similar goof-ups in every profession. Any medical or accounting humor out there?
Chris Crawford
www.justiceserved.com