Jen's Den

After a recent bout with the stomach flu, I can testify to three things: (1) This year's flu shot doesn't do diddly squat to prevent stomach flu, (2) Stomach flu is a misnomer -- they ought to call it the "doubled-over-in-pain-honey-get-out-of-the-bathroom-NOW" flu, and (3) I would much rather have the coughing/feverish/achy-breaky-body flu than the stomach version. 'Nuff said.

Watch out for this one, folks -- it's a doozy. It hit me out of the blue in the space of about 3 hours.

First, you wonder why your jeans got tighter all of a sudden, then you realize it's because you have this really bloated feeling in your tummy. Then you try to walk downstairs and out to your car in the parking lot, thinking there's no way you're going to make it before you pass out. Then the nausea hits. You sit in your car, hyperventilating, thinking for sure you're dying and telling yourself, "Just start the car, Jen. Drive home, Jen. You'll make it, it's only 7 minutes to the house. Just put it in drive - the car knows the way."

I'll spare you the rest of the details. This thing had me in bed, bath and beyond help round-the-clock for five full days. I have never felt so weak and enervated, except after I had pneumonia. Oh yeah, and after my gallbladder surgery. OK, maybe I have felt that weak before. But when you're in the agonizing throes of this flu's stranglehold, you can't help but think it's the worst you've ever felt.

My dilemma: The only thing that sounded good to eat was saltine crackers and 7-Up. (Maybe because that's what Mom always gave me when I was sick, and I always want my mommy -- even at 54 -- when I'm sick.)

The problem: The saltines in our cupboard were at least 3 years old. This is how I discovered saltines go stale even when they're in their original sealed packages, unopened. Moisture is evil. It finds a way in, no matter how airtight you think you've stored something.

The solution: You can "re-crisp" them on a cookie sheet in a 200 F oven for about 5 minutes. But you have to watch them or they turn brown and get overly crispy. If this happens, they'll disintegrate if you even think about trying to pick one up.

The better solution: Buy a new box of saltines every 3-4 months and throw the old ones out on the backyard lawn for the birds and squirrels. Or, crush them and use them in a recipe. (I'll have a few ideas posted in a day or two.)

Anyway, if you catch this flu, just be warned: It may be at least a week before you get much of an appetite back. It's been a week and I'm still craving saltines.

Also, be sure to hydrate yourself. Drink little bitty sips of water frequently. Or 7-Up. It's so easy to get dehydrated and that makes you feel even worse.

Posted by Jen at 12:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

After posting the previous entry (Jan. 8) about turning one's lights on when it's raining, I was informed by several co-workers that one of their biggest pet peeves among all the idiots out there on the road is people who don't use their turn signals. I have to agree that's one of the worst.

How about you, readers? What can you add to the list of driving annoyances? Here are two more of mine:

• Tailgaters, especially guys in big SUVs or pickups, usually jacked up with huge tires. I always feel sorry for them as I pull over to let them pass and they floor it and shoot past me to prove that I was going way too slow to be in their lane (even though I was doing the speed limit). Why do I feel sorry for them? Because it's common knowledge that the bigger the truck, the smaller the ... oh, never mind.

• Smokers who toss their butts out the window: What the hell do you think they put ashtrays in cars for? Find somewhere else for your loose change, you idiots, and start using your ashtrays. Careless smokers are the imbeciles who start brush fires and forest fires. Why is this so hard to comprehend?

Posted by Jen at 05:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

This morning as I drove to work in the pouring rain, it was scary to note that scads of drivers have not paid much attention to the law that says your lights must be on when it's raining enough that you have to use your windshield wipers.

Please, folks - for safety's sake: Turn on your headlights when it's raining (or foggy)! Most cars have warning buzzers that will remind you to turn them off when you get out of the car.

I got in the habit a long time ago of checking three things before closing the car door: The lights are off, the parking brake is set and the keys are in my hand. I even jingle the keys in my hand to double-check that they really are in my hand, in case just looking at them isn't enough for it to register in my brain that I didn't lock them in the car.

And regarding new driving laws: Now is the time to get in the habit of using a hands-free device for your cellphone ... BEFORE the law goes into effect on 7/1/08. They say if you do something for three weeks straight it will become a habit. So, when I get in my car now, I automatically take the cellphone out of my purse, plug the earbuds into it, put the earbuds in my ears and the cellphone on the seat next to me. I have my cellphone set so that I can press any key to answer an incoming call, so I don't even have to take my eyes off the road to answer it. Then I tell the person to hold on until I pull over.

It's more than about getting a ticket starting in July. It's really about nearly getting broadsided or cut off dozens of times by unthinking cellphone users. Like the bumper sticker says, folks: HANG UP AND DRIVE!

Posted by Jen at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)