He Said, She Said

She Said: Yesterday my dog shut the front door in my face. I was attempting to enter the door at the time, so my face was somewhat in the doorway when he slammed himself up against it with all the force his muscular, 70-pound body could muster. In what seemed simultaneously like a split second and an eternity, the door collided with my forehead, making a sound I was certain could only mean my skull cracked.

Dazed, I felt pain spread immediately from the point of impact throughout my face and head. I sat down on the porch, seeing stars and trying not to pass out. I put my fingers to my forehead, examining the extent of my injury. No bifurcation of skin or skull, but there was an unbelievable amount of swelling. I felt an egg-like protrusion develop within seconds. This was a Grade AA, Extra Large ovum.

I drove myself to Urgent Care, suspecting a concussion. There were about four people in front of me, one of whom said she had been there for two hours. I decided I'd be better off going home and icing my forehead than sitting in a crowded waiting room surrounded by sick people's germs.

Thanks to ice and repeated large doses of ibuprofen, the swelling has come down significantly. However, it's starting to take on a nice dark shade of blue. I hope it goes away soon. It's not very attractive and it hurts like hell. But I'm looking on the bright side: at least I didn't have any body parts crushed between the door and the jamb.