The Film Skinny: You people are disgusting

At what point did people decide en masse that movie theaters should be the epicenter of sloth and waste?

I'm the type of dude who likes to sit through the credits, making fun of goofy names for catering companies and such. (Best one ever: Hot Goblin.) And after they run the list of songs, and the PETA notice about no animals being harmed, and all those company logos, the theater management (or maybe it's some automated thing) turns on the house lights, bathing everything in blinding, disorienting brightness.

What that light reveals could easily be interpreted as incontrovertible evidence of humanity's inherent evil. Or grossness, anyway:

Half-eaten feedbags of popcorn dumped all over three seats and the floor; silos of soda drained into a crawling, sticky puddle on the floor; napkins, diapers, slobbery Milk Duds, baby vomit, you name it. It's like the audience got angry halfway through the movie and decided as a group, "Hey, let's f--- this place up!"

The weird thing is, this happens in pretty much every movie I go to. I mean, okay, I sorta expect it in "Pineapple Express," but "Brideshead Revisited"? That's just weird. I SAW the people in that theater. They all had grey hair! What the hell are they doing?

People don't behave this way in any other public place. The bathroom in Old Town gets better treatment than movie theaters, for crying out loud.

I anticipate some half-assed justifications: "Any place that charges almost $9 for a movie can clean up some popcorn." I suspect the real justification goes something like this: "It's dark in here; they'll never know it was me. Plus, everybody else is doing it." Toss. Barf. Sneeze.

That's crap. I worked at the Broadway for a day (yes, just one day) many years ago. They make minimum wage (or did back in 1990-whatever). And think about it: They aren't the ones taking your money, yet they are the ones who have to clean up your sticky leavings.

Recently, my fiancee and I walked up the aisle after some movie ended, holding our mostly-empty popcorn barrel, and up at the top of the aisle stood a lonely Coming Attractions employee, holding his broom and dustpan and eyeing the disaster. He raised his puppy-dog eyes to Bags and me and said meekly but sincerely, "Thank you for picking up your bag." I wanted to hug the poor guy.

The Film Skinny

Dishing Nothing but Dirt on Cinema

You people are disgusting

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