Fat Guys On ...

I think that the role of Dewey Cox in "Walk Hard" was made for Will Ferell, but he was unavailable and the next best and abvious choice, John C. Reilly stepped in.

Not that Reilly did a bad job, but Ferell being Ferell could have crammed just a few more laughs into this stuffed sardine can of comedy.

It was funny, exhaustingly funny.

One of those comdies that never lets up so by the end of it you think you'll never laugh again, or at least for a half hour or something.

Taking on the formulaic rock star bioi-pic, especially "Walk the Line," "Walk Hard" started off right away with the scene between Dewey and his borther, Nate Cox. "Nothing horrible is going to happen today."

It was also fun catching all the cameos, like Jack White, Jack Black, Jason Scwartzman, Malcolm in the Middle, the Apple guy from the commercials, the Temptations etc. etc.

The back up band was great, Chris Parnell, Matt Besser (who, by the way, looks exactly like Johnny Cash) and Tim Meadows.

Meadows should be the new spokesperson for D.A.R.E., "Seriously, you don't want any part of this."

It was funny, but I was glad to see it end when it did. And when it did end, I felt a little twinge in my heart for Dewey Cox, it was a Beautiful Ride.

Rating: XL

Posted by Chris Durant at 02:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It seems like a good idea — you take the best hunter in the Hollywood Universe, Predator, and pit it against the most hard-to-kill insect you can find, namely Alien. But I think that the developers of this concept were so enamored with the idea after the first film in the series that they forgot to write a script. Or, I should say, they forgot to worry about the quality of the script.

It was poop.

One major problem, beyond the sheriff who looked like a college kid, is that Alien remains the bad guy, but Predator kind of becomes this tweener, where he's not quite bad and not quite good. He only kills humans if they get in the way of him trying to kill the aliens. The Predator, a not-so-bad guy? Now that's just silly.

Rating: S

Posted by James Faulk at 02:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (22)

My name is Chris and I play video games.

"Hi Chris"

I recently started a game called Fire Emblem for the Wii. Now I'm not much into role playing video games, I never have been other than a little here and a little there when I was a kid, you know? So I started playing Fire Emblem a little, was mildly etertained and kept going. Now it's three weeks later and I owe the rental place about four times as much as the game costs, my kids have gone to school, I think, in the same clothes for days, there's three dozen empty "Beefy Ravioli" cans stacked up like an Aztec step pyramid in my living room and I can't feel my ass cheeks any more.

I have a problem.

My name is Chris, and I play video games.

"Hi Chris"

Posted by Chris Durant at 11:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As a kid, the thrill of hearing recorded voices played back at high-speed — or through the filter of helium intoxication — was wondrous. Now, not so much.

Alvin, Simon and Theodore gravely disappointed this former Chipmunks junky. Not because they betrayed the OG version, but because now I lack the lack of critical thinking skills. Ah, the loss of childhood innocence.

My main crtitique, I suppose, is that computers had to be used — or back in the day, old fashioned animation — to make the chipmunks talk. Surely some combination of tongue splitting, genetic engineering, and corporal conditioning could have taught three real live chipmunks to sing for all they were worth. Instead, we're left with that digital blur that leaves so little to the imagination.

Rating: Doesn't even qualify for a small.

Posted by James Faulk at 09:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I saw this Will Smith vehicle with — and at the urging of — The Wife. We both walked out of the theater partially entertained, and partially undertained. The Wife, at least, had the pleasure of admiring the Fresh Prince's newly collagen-filled muscles; and while I'm at least 52 percent sure the biceps were not CG, I just couldn't be jealous of a guy who used to tour with "Jazzy Jeff."

What it had: Will Smith on steroids like Linda Blair in "Terminator"; the great-great-great-great-great-great-great grand daughter of Rin Tin Tin in her first starring role; unoriginal Zombies; Will Smith, mouthing the dialogue to "Shrek" and welling up with manly "I'm the last man standing" kinds of tears; and a heart-rending, but tragically missplaced, copter crash that kills some folks viewers just don't want dead.

What it lacked: Explanation of some necessary Zombie science — were they, like, evolving? Were they becoming more intelligent over time? Were they becoming more resistant to sun light? I definitely need to know loads more about the lanky, pale-faced and shirtless Zombies that wander the streets of New York City like a methamphetamine epidemic.

"I am Legend" was also missing a villain. It had the disease-ridden Zombie mobs en masse, and even one Zombie dude who seemed especially ripped and antisocial. But there was no development, despite some great potential. At one point, Smith captures a Zombie and gets a dirty, penetrating look from this Zombie don; then turning the tables, said Zombie uses bait of his own to catch Smith in return. But they never develop this, and there is no explanation for how mindless Zombies suddenly become clever.

Thus, without a particular villain (of some sort) despite setting up the perfect situation for one, the hero-style storyline lacked sufficient conflict.

Despite the flaws, it was entertaining enough to hold my attention, and given the week at work I've had, that's saying a bunch.

Rating: M

The Greatest Post Script of All Time:

The Wife, as I call her, is my faithful and discerning movie-going partner of many years. Finally, with the launching of this blog, I've offered her space to give her own review:

Decree of The Wife, no. 7,462, on I am Legend:

Entertaining, but too many things were questionable, left unexplained or didn't make sense. The evolution of the zombies? How they were evolving? I need more. Still, Will Smith hunting deer through a deserted New York City in a red sports car? That's just cool.

Other observations: Will Smith buffed up for the role, and I dug the dog — I think she might win best supporting actress. There was overly sentimental Bob Marley motifs, but being overly sentimental, I liked it.

As big, shallow Hollywood blockbusters go, it was decent — I was on the edge of my front row seat. Did I mention the theater was packed?

Lastly, why in these days of near limitless computer technology must there be so much recycled material? The bad guys (Zombies one and all) are straight Voldemort dopplegangers. Try saying that three times fast. But the lack of new Zombie faces ruined the scare factor for me.

Rating: large/tall

Posted by James Faulk at 11:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

I haven't seen "The Golden Compass" movie yet, but I've been floored by the series of books, by author Phillip Pullman. There's been a whispering of controversy in recent months over how the Church has been offended by the movie, but it's easy to see what their hackles would be raised when you read the books.

Pullman wrote his books apparently as an answer to CS Lewis's Narnia series, and he tees off on the Catholic Church and the entire concept of God in general. Very, very good reading for adults.

Posted by James Faulk at 11:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I'm speechless. I don't know what I just saw. I liked it. I loved it. But it's messing with my head.

The only criticism I have is that the climax with Llewelyn Moss seems a little rushed. The violence was both very violent during some scenes and with other scenes it was done in a refreshing way. Yes, I said refreshing, so start writing your letters now.

If i'm not mistaken, there was no music in the movie, not even for the end credits, except some very early morning Mariachis.

The movie was set in 1980, I believe, and the did a very good job at keeping true to that, but leave it to me to spot a Carl's Jr., in the back ground with a Six Dollar Burger ad hanging in the window. The Six Dollar burger wasn't introduced until May 16, 1998. So once I saw that, it totally discredited the movie for me. Just kidding.

And those Coen brothers just created the creepiest, scariest, freakiest boogie man with the silliest haircut ever. If that guy were coming to kill me I would be scared and peeing my pants and all, but I'd also be laughing at the Hispanic Dutch Boy.

The ending was perfect and then you just sit there. I was staring at the blank screen with the lights up when the dude with the sweeper box snapped me out of it, asking me to leave.

I got out a coin and flipped it in the air.

"Call it." I said.

The dude then ran off screaming.

I wonder why?

Rating: XXL

Posted by Chris Durant at 09:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Unlike Faulk, I had no idea of what the movie was about when I went in, not even knowing it's a series of books. I was pleasantly surprised and so were my kids.

With today's CG effects and all the bells and whistles that are becoming crutches in Hollywood, it's probably easy to make decent fantasy flicks. The acting was solid, I mean it had Sam Elliott in it and that's enough for me. But is it a requirement to put Ian McKellan and Christopher Lee in fantasy movies now? These guys should take some time off.

I like the whole daemon aspect of the Golden Compass universe, but how come no one had a daemon like, oh I don't know, an elephant or a giraffe or maybe even a whale or something?

And, as with everything else now-a-days, there's controversy that I heard the filmmakers tried to tone down.Still, it's pretty obvious that the Magistarium, or whatever it was called, is the Catholic Church.

And then there's going to be more. Can't anyone just make one movie anymore? Or has greed really taken a hold of that bastion of ethics and good-feeling we know to be Hollywood?

Rating: L/T

Posted by Chris Durant at 09:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I've just seen the best movie of the year. Make that the past three years. Make that the best movie since that last movie came out that really impressed me.

It's called, "O Brother, This Really Ain't a Counry for Old Men or Lebowskis."

Chris Durant, my cohort in crime, is watching it even as I write this, and his usual reaction when I am impressed with a flick is to try real hard to be unimpressed. It's a trick he learned in the junior high shower stalls.

But seriously, this movie takes what in most directors hands would be an ordinary thriller and turns into a rumination on all that is good, evil and indifferent to the world. If this movie doesn't win best picture, the Academy is smoking the same crack Marion Barry used to smoke. And from what I hear, that was the serious crack.

Rating: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL

Posted by James Faulk at 09:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)