I've recently been afflicted with a lust for flour tortillas - possibly due to a lack of necessary carbohydrates in my diet or just good 'ol PMS. Whatever the case, I've made three batches in the past week and a half, and alone have eaten probably all of them. Tonight, rather than fight the primal urge to consume as many of these flat pieces of heaven as possible, I gave in and channeled my inner Mamacita - Raquel Rodriguez. For those of you not familiar with Raquel, you must have never had the high school experience of Destinos. Too bad for you. Google it.

As you may have noted, this posting will be jalapeño peppered with a smattering of Spanish words I still remember from high school level clase de Español. Did you catch that? Am I impressing you yet with my multilingual skills (I also speak Pig Latin and Baby)? Thought so. Please keep your applause to a minimum - we don't want to scare los niños.

Because I was trying to fully embrace my inner Raquel today, I prepared a feast fit for a rey or at least in my casa, dos príncipes and a princesa. Before my brain explodes and I run out of my free word translations, here's the recipe for main course - something I like to call...

Raquel's Fiesta In A Pan

2 cups of uncooked instant white rice (brown works fine)
1 1/2 cups water
1 1/2 cups of salsa (I used Pace because it was on sale)
1 lb. of hamburger that you have cooked with one packet of taco seasoning
2 cups of shredded cheese

While you prepare the hamburger meat with the one packet of taco seasoning (in a different pan), bring the water and salsa to a boil. When they begin to boil, remove from heat and add the instant rice, stirring until it's mixed. Put a lid on the rice and leave it alone until your hamburger is ready to rock and roll. When the hamburger is sufficiently cooked and seasoned, add it to the cooked rice and then mix in the cheese. You can serve it in flour tortillas or just eat it on it's own. It's muy bueno.

Raquel's Favorite Flour Tortillas

3 cups of unbleached flour
2 tsp of baking powder
1 tsp salt
1/2 cup of Crisco vegetable shortening (you can use lard but that just grosses me out)
1 to 1 1/4 cups of warm water

Mix up the dry ingredients and then use a fork or fancy pastry cutter thingy to mix-in the shortening and then add the warm water. I only needed about a cup of water but you may need more. Be flexible with your agua.

Knead the dough for a few minutes and then let it rest for about 15 minutes. When the dough is sufficiently relaxed, tear into it and make 12 little round balls. While the griddle or pan is heating, roll the balls into tortilla size circles. Mine normally resemble Florida or Italy but they still taste good, so don't worry if your little buddies are not perfect.

Once you get the perfect shape, fry them on the pan until they get slightly golden on each size and begin to puff up. Be advised that the hot griddle will oftentimes cause your smoke detector to go off. My children are very used to hearing this sound whenever I cook, so they don't even bat an eye. Sad, I know.

I keep the cooked tortillas wrapped up in a towel while I cook the entire batch. When they are fully cooled, you can store in a Ziploc baggie and then reheat to perfection.

And there you have it, la cena perfecta. And for your viewing pleasure, an episode of Destinos. Actually, it's a student made episode since I couldn't find the real goods on Youtube.

Posted by Mommazilla at 06:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I cooked an entire dinner using my crockpot. I never use my crockpot because I honestly forget I even have one. I think I may have got it for a wedding present ten or so years ago, but it's arrival into my household is truly a mystery.

I really love to cook and when I find a good recipe, it's like Heaven in the kitchen, at least for me. My family, on the other hand. tends to be on the picky side. Well, except for Gunny who enjoys licking floors and sucking on Piper's tail - which I agree, is absolutely disgusting and not much appreciated by the cat.

Anyhoo, back to the miracle at hand. I'm a huge collector of cookbooks with a particular love for fast and delicious recipes. I want recipes that contain few ingredients and cost a minimal amount to prepare. Grandma Linda paid attention to my frugal *cough* lazy ambition in the kitchen and gave me a cookbook entitled, "Fix It and Forget It. 5-Ingredient Favorites" by Phyllis Pellman Good.

I read through the book and was impressed at the ease of the recipes and the normal ingredients it called for. Tonight I made the "Chicken Stroganoff" and it was a hit. I modified the recipe just a bit but this is what I did and it was awesome.

* Four chicken breasts, cut up into chunks
* Half a stick of butter
* Two packages of dry Italian dressing mix
* One can of Cream of Chicken soup
* One block of cream cheese (8 oz)
* Instant brown rice (you could use egg noodles instead but I was trying to lower our Gluten consumption)

Salt and pepper to taste.

I placed the cubes of chicken, butter, and seasoning in my crockpot and cooked it on high for about two hours. Like I said before, I am not at one with my crockpot so I really had to keep an eye on it as far as cooking times went. When the chicken was cooked thoroughly, I added in the soup and cream cheese and then simmered it on low for about an hour. During the last ten minutes or so, I boiled the instant brown rice so it was ready to go when the chicken was done. For the grand finale, I Ioaded up each plate with rice and then spooned over the chicken stroganoff.

It was so stinkin' good. Hubby even asked me a couple of times if I had actually made it. Loser. Maybe I should have splashed some flour and water onto my face so I appeared more convincingly domestic. Perhaps I should have donned a maid costume since that would be more fitting to all the crap I do on a daily basis. And no, not a french maid costume because I refuse to try and make my bitching and whining look sexy - I want a pity party, not pervy stares.

I'm going to crack that book open up again tomorrow night. I have two pounds of hamburger mooing for a new home in our bellies and I can't wait to try something new.

Posted by Mommazilla at 11:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

My last fattening re-post:

I was feeling rather industrious (i.e. I had major PMS and needed chocolate therapy) the other day, and baked about four dozen chocolate and chocolate chocolate chip cookies for my little munchkins. I only ate five or six or the little lumpy mounds of goodness, just enough to ensure my children's safety - I wouldn't want an errant egg shell or bit of coagulated brown sugar to hinder their digestive processes.

When I tell you that these are the world's best chocolate chip cookies, it's the absolute truth. These cookies are so good that they're sinful. One bite into these little pieces of ooey, gooey, goodness, and you'll be hooked forever on his recipe. I consider myself to be a cookie snob when it comes to chocolate chip cookies. They must be chewy and soft, with just the right amount of dough to chip ratio. These cookies fit the bill. Not only will I provide to you this secret recipe of cookie magic, but I'll also give you a few tips on how to ensure success. First, here's the recipe:

2 1/4 cups flour
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking soda
2 eggs
1/4 cup white sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar (make sure and pack that brown goodness down)
1 small box of instant vanilla pudding (you can use chocolate pudding instead)
1 cup unsalted butter (don't be cheap - use real unsalted butter - and leave the two cubes on the counter to soften. I use unsalted butter so I can control the amount of salt in my recipes.)
1 tsp. real vanilla (yes, use the stuff you can also drink to get a buzz while baking)
1 package of semi-sweet chocolate chips (milk chocolate is o.k., but the semi offers a nicer contrast)
1 cup of walnuts (I only like female cookies, but should you prefer male cookies, you can add the nuts)

Preheat your oven to 375 degress. You must preheat or your first batch of cookies will not cook perfectly and I'll be sad. In a bowl, combine the flour, salt and baking soda, and set it aside. Walk away from this bowl. You did not need it now. It's OK. In a mixing bowl (using a hand or stand mixer - don't prove your worth and get carpal tunnel using your own power - no one to impress here), combine the mushy but not melted butter (melted butter will give you flat, uninteresting cookies) with the sugars and dry pudding mix. Do not cook the pudding in advance. This will make for cookie yuckiness and defile the recipe.

After this is sufficiently mixed into a gritty, peanut buttery texture, add the eggs in, one by one. And then the vanilla can go in as well. Be generous with the vanilla. We like vanilla. Take a swig of the vanilla so that you can appreciate its wholesome goodness. Mix until combined and then slowly add in the flour combination, about a half a cup at a time. Once this is all mixed in, you can add your chocolate chips and boy parts if you'd like. Make sure to sample at least a quarter cup. Again, eggshell control and chocolate chip evaluation is an imperative part of chocolate chip cookie making. Screw salmonella, I can take a little diarrhea with my cookies.

On a greased baking sheet, drop by rounded teaspoons giving each cookie about an inch and half space. Don't crowd your cookies. They don't like having other cookies all up in their grill. That's how they roll, yo.

Bake for about eight minutes. Do not leave the kitchen while they are baking lest you allow them to overcook and turn an improper shade of brown. When the cookies are somewhat flattened and look like they are not quite done, remove them from the oven and allow them to rest. Do not try to wake them by prematurely by removing them from their resting place. They just worked very hard and deserve to get some beauty sleep.

And beautiful they will be, when you do eventually place them on a sheet of waxed paper or plate. Repeat the process of baking and cooling, until you have approximately 1/2 cup of cookie dough left in the bowl. This is what I like to call the "bottom of the barrel" dough and should be consumed by the baker. Again, this is for quality control only. You're looking to make sure that your dough was consistently good throughout.

If you try this recipe, do me a favor and let me know what you think. I assure you that it's worth the time and energy.

Posted by Mommazilla at 09:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

Here's a delicious re-post just in time for your holiday candy and cookie making. It's one of my all time favorite recipes.

Now that I have your attention, I'd like to teach you how to make this highly addictive and every so delicious simple candy recipe. No, you will not need to go buy fourteen boxes of Sudaphed and a gallon of Acetone; just get the following ingredients:

1 cup butter (do not use margarine - this is not a healthy recipe)
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 bag semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 1/2 sleeves Saltine crackers
1 cup of chopped nuts (in this recipe, I prefer male candy)

Preheat over to 350 degrees. Line a bar pan or cookie sheet (the pan/sheet should have a rim so that it can hold the goodness in) with aluminum foil. I also spray the foil with cooking spray, just to prevent any delectable bits from sticking. Next, line foil with rows of Saltine crackers. Yes, I said Saltines. Hang with me here, you won't be disapointed.

Next, melt the butter and combine it with brown sugar in a small sauce pan. Bring to boil and boil for two minutes. This now caramel syrup will be very hot so be careful. Several blisters and a melted plastic spoon serve as a good reminder of candy syrup safety. Pour the caramel evenly over Saltines and bake for 10 minutes.

Immediately after removing from the oven, pour the chocolate chips over the crackers. Let stand for two minutes or until chips are soft. Spread the chocolate as evenly as possible over the crackers and then top with the nuts. Refrigerate until hard.

To make it offical "Crack," just break the goodness into pieces, sampling for quality control of course, eat and enjoy.

This "Crack" also goes by the name of "Christmas Crack." If you find the below "Crack" appetizing, you can buy the calendar of "Cracks" here.

Posted by Mommazilla at 03:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

And another re-post - perfect for that cookie platter:

Gooey Butter Bars, that is. Not to be confused with Geoducks (pronounced like "gooey ducks") which are extremely large saltwater clams. If you don't know what a Geoduck is, consider yourself lucky. Thanks to the show, "Dirty Jobs," I am now an expert on this clam and I think everyone should at least be exposed to their pictorial magnificence. I'll let you figure out what it resembles...

Now that I've got you all hot and bothered, let's talk about Easter. Since it's right around the corner, here is an easy and scrumptious recipe guaranteed to make your dessert table ever so much more delectable. I found this recipe years ago in the book, Cake Mix Doctor. The woman who wrote this series is a freakin' genius and can practically make anything out of cake mix. She's like the McGuyver of the baking world. Anyhoo, here's the recipe:

Gooey Butter Bars

2 sticks of butter (real butter - no margarine)
3 eggs
1 pkg. yellow cake mix
1 tsp. vanilla
8 oz. cream cheese
4 c. powdered sugar (one pound box)

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees and grease a 9X13 inch pan. Mix one of the cubes of butter, an egg, and the cake mix in a bowl until it forms a soft dough similar to cookie dough. Press this dough into the bottom of the greased 9X13 pan as this will be the yummy crust. Don't bother cleaning the beaters of your mixer. You may have OCD and be compelled to do so, but it's really not necessary. Go ahead and then beat the cream cheese and other cube of butter in the same deliciously dirty bowl. Once they are mixed well, add the vanilla and two eggs. When you have a nice creamy mess, slowly add the sugar in. You might want to sift it as you go or you could have little bits of sweet lumps. I'm lazy and already slightly lumpy, so I forego any sifting. Once you have everything combined, pour your batter onto the crust and then bake it in the oven for 30-40 minutes. You know they're done when the crust is slightly browned and the center is still jiggly like Fat Bastard's tummy (sorry, I love Austin Powers). If you cook it too long, it will dry the bars out and you will shame this recipe.

After the bars are fully cooled, cut into squares, triangles, rectangles, hexagons, or just eat it by the spoonful. It's really that good. If you want to SCREAM fancy, sprinkle a little powdered sugar over the top. I've made different versions of this recipe using a chocolate cake crust and sprinkling chocolate chips in the batter. And, if you like boy bars, you can always add nuts. The options are limitless but the outcome will always be delicious!

Posted by Mommazilla at 02:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I found this delicious recipe on one of my Mommy boards. I think I may make it for Thanksgiving dinner because it sounds so good. The ladies were mentioning adding a little cinnamon or substituting pureed pumpkin for the applesauce, as an alternative. Enjoy!

Cake:

1 box white cake mix
1 1/2 cups applesauce

Icing:

4 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1/4 cup of milk

For Cake:

Mix white cake mix with applesauce until smooth. May take more or less applesauce. Use at own discretion. Pour mixture into a 9X9 inch baking pan sprayed with cooking spray. Bake at 350°F in a conventional oven for 30 to 45 minutes or until cake tests done.

For Icing:

Melt butter in a sauce pan. Add the remaining ingredients for the icing, stirring rapidly with a wire whisk until smooth. Pour over warm cake.

Posted by Mommazilla at 06:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I was recently inundated with a bunch of blueberries. Rather than freezing these little blue orbs of goodness or even worse, letting then spoil, I baked until I became a shadow of Martha Stewart. I decided on making two recipes; a batch of moist muffins and a delicious cinnamon crumble. Here are the recipes for your digestional enjoyment:

Cinnamon Blueberry Crumble Bars (special thanks to the Cake Mix Doctor)

This recipe is simple to make and resembles more of a gooey coffee cake when you're done. It pairs perfectly with a hot cup of coffee or a cool glass of milk. Most importantly, it has blueberries and oatmeal in it so it's inherently healthy no matter what the sugar and butter say.

1 package plain yellow or white cake mix
1 cup (2 sticks) of real butter, melted (you can substitute margarine but real butter is the BOMB!)
1 cup old-fashioned oatmeal
1/2 cup packed light brown sugar (*special note* Pack it well and you'll burn off a few calories)
2 large cackleberries (eggs)
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon (I use Pampered Chef Cinnamon/Nutmeg/Yummy spices blend)
2 cups fresh blueberries, rinsed and drained (keep them a little moist because it helps the sugar to adhere better)
1/2 cup granulated sugar

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees and grease a 9X13 inch baking pan. Place the cake mix, melted butter, oatmeal, brown sugar, eggs, and cinnamon in a large mixing bowl. Blend with an electric mixer on low speed for 1 to 1 1/2 minutes or, get your cardio done and mix it by hand. Stop the machine and scrape down the sides of the bowl with a rubber spatula. The mixture will be very thick. Reserve 1 1/2 cups of the dough for the topping and then transfer the remaining of the mixture into the 9X13 inch baking pan. Using your fingertips, press the mixture evenly over the bottom of the pan so that it reaches all the sides.

Now, take your damp blueberries and mix them with the granulated sugar, coating each plump Violet Beauregarde with sugary goodness. Pour the blueberries onto the dough crust and spread them out evenly with a spoon. Pinch off the pieces of the remaining reserved crust mixture and scatter them over the filling. Place the pan in the oven and bake until the cake is a light brown and bubbling. This will take about 40-45 minutes. Remove the pan from the oven and cool it in the counter for about 30 minutes.

When you're ready to experience heaven, cut the cake into bars, chunks, or heck, just get the spoon out and a tub of vanilla ice cream. Eat and most importantly, enjoy.

Sour Cream Blueberry Muffins

Don't let the sour cream idea freak you out. It makes for a light and delicious muffin that you'll have a hard time just eating one of. Again, this muffin has blueberries and sour cream (which is a milk product - very important for the bones) so it screams, "HEALTH!"

This recipe is a little bit more difficult than what I'm used to because you really have to pay attention to how you add ingredients. It truly makes your muffins fluffier and a lot moister if you follow the given order. Don't make me send the muffin police after you for improper use of a recipe.

4 large cackleberries (eggs)
1 1/4 cup of white sugar
1 1/4 cup light brown sugar
1 cup vegetable oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon cinnamon (you may also add other spices like nutmeg if you want that sort of flavor)
2 cups sour cream (16 oz. container)
2 cups blueberries

Optional but a very delish addition:

Crumble Top

1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup light brown sugar
6 tbsp. cold real butter
2 tsp. cinnamon

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Grease 24 muffin cups or line them with paper muffin liners. I did this plus had enough batter left over to make a pan full of 24 mini-muffins. In a large bowl, beat the eggs and then gradually add in the sugar while beating. Continue beating while slowly pouring in the oil. Stir in the vanilla. In a separate mixing bowl, stir together the dry ingredients.

Once everything is mixed, stir the dry ingredients into the egg mixture alternating with the sour cream. Gently fold in the blueberries once everything is mixed up. Scoop the batter into prepared muffin cups. I use a large size cookie scoop so that my muffins are uniform in size. Gotta have a nice set of uniformed muffins ;-).

Once the muffins are ready to go, you'll have a pretty big decision to make...crumble topping or no crumble topping? I prefer the topping because I think it makes a more "homey" muffin. If you choose to do the crumble topping, all you'll need to do is place the crumb mixture ingredients in a bowl and using your fingers or a pastry blender, combine the ingredients until they are crumbly and then spoon over the tops of your muffin batter.

Bake for approximately 20 minutes and then cool them down for as long as you can contain yourself from eating them.

If you try these recipes, let me know what you think. Better yet, share your own blueberry recipes!

Posted by Mommazilla at 04:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I love the combination of chocolate and peanut butter - add even more crunchy goodness into it and you'll have me swooning. I had this recipe forwarded to me and I'm going to give it a try tomorrow. In the meanwhile, I thought I'd share:

Puppy Chow (also known as "Monkey Crunch")

12 oz. bag of chocolate chips
1 cup of peanut butter
1 stick of butter (yes, use the real stuff)
Large box of Crispix or Chex cereal
2 1/2 cups of confectioner's sugar

You can add anything else you'd like but just remember the mixure may be warm and things may melt and not be so scrumptious.

Place the chocolate chips, peanut butter, and butter in a microwave safe bowl. Microwave them until they are melted and then stir to combine. Pour this liquidy gold mixture over the cereal and coat well. In a large paper bag, put in the confectioner's sugar and add coated cereal. Shake well and pour onto waxed paper. Eat and enjoy!

Posted by Mommazilla at 07:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

in the form of cake batter ice cream! I love Cold Stone Creamery - especially, their cake batter ice cream. If you've never been to a Cold Stone Creamery, try to go at least once in your life. The ice cream is homemade, chewy, and absolutely heaven in a cup. They have a huge marble slab where you can select items to mix in your ice cream. My personal favorite is chocolate ice cream with hot fudge, brownies, and chocolate chips. It's been proven to be a home remedy for PMS, just ask Hubby.

I've often wondered how they figured out to get that taste of cake batter into ice cream. It truly tastes like your licking out a vanilla cake bowl - undescribeable goodness! Since I gotz the internetz, I started my frantic search today for the secret of this recipe and I think I found it. Here's what we did:

Cake Batter Ice Cream

1 cup of whole milk
2 cups of heavy cream
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1 tsp. of pure vanilla (remember, you can also take swigs to lighten up the process)
2/3 cup of cake mix (sift it to get out the lumps, and you can use more according to taste)

I had tons of heavy cream in the fridge so I chose to use three cups of heavy cream and veto the whole milk. After all, ice cream is not meant to be fat free, that's just un-American. I can't do that.

I mixed all the items together into a runny, creamy goodness, and then stuck it in my ice cream maker. If you want the cardio version, you can follow along on my previous recipe where you shake it up in a bag. I already worked my pecs the other day so I was ready to let the ice cream maker earn in it's place in the cupboard.

Please make sure to read and be aware of the ingredients on your cake mix. Cold Stone Creamery had to yank their cake batter ice cream last year due to Salmonella concerns. Evidently, their version contained some egg products and some cake mixes might have the same. My family lives life on the edge - we even east raw cookie dough for chriminy sakes, but some people might not be so daring. I don't want to be blamed for anyone's bloody farts or diarrhea, K?THXBAI.

If you have a great ice cream recipe, please share. I'm totally in the mood for ice cream and I'm looking for some tried and true recipes.

Posted by Mommazilla at 04:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

My daughter's second grade class had an end of the year barbeque today, and nature graced us with gorgeous sun and minimal wind. The second graders were, well, second graders, lots of whining, screaming and all around good, grubby fingered fun. They did sack races, played volleyball, and had an egg toss - which, I have to admit, was my favorite part since several children (excluding my own) got creamed with cackleberry juice.

The best thing to come out of it was our homemade ice cream. I had heard about this recipe but seeing it in action has really inspired me for future camping trips. Rather then tell you how to make it, let me show you:

And do some shakin'!

Don't shake too hard!

Shake with a friend!

Have your dad do some shakin'!

Yummy goodness in a bag.

Posted by Mommazilla at 04:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Texas sheet cake, that is. I'm not a big cake fan. I'll eat cupcakes but not slice of cake. I figure it's because of the whole committment factor, knowing that the rest of the cake is waiting to be devoured and I don't like the pressure. However, I have discovered a sinfully rich cake that I absolutely love and find incredibly easy to make; plus there's no pressure to devour it since it's always gone as soon as I serve it.

There are a lot of variations to this recipe, but this is the one I follow and have always gotten the best results from. Thanks to Pioneer Woman for the best recipe compilation.

Texas Sheet Cake

In a mixing bowl, combine the following ingredients:
2 cups flour
2 cups sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt

In a saucepan, melt:
2 sticks butter
Add 4 heaping tablespoons cocoa. Stir together.
Add 1 cup boiling water, allow mixture to boil for 30 seconds, then turn off heat. Pour over flour mixture, and stir lightly to cool.
Make sure to keep a good eye on this bubbling chocolaty goo because it tends to burn easily and quickly.

In a measuring cup, beat two eggs and then add 1/2 cup buttermilk, 1 teaspoon baking soda and 1 teaspoon vanilla.

I'm not one to have buttermilk sitting in my fridge so I make my own. It's easy...add 1 tablespoon of vinegar or lemon juice to one cup of milk and let it work it's magic for 10 minutes or so. There you have it, buttermilk!

Stir buttermilk mixture into butter/chocolate mixture. Pour into sheet cake pan and bake at 350-degrees for 20 minutes. I suggest you use a pan that's a step up from a 9X13. You want this cake to be more brownie height rather than normal cake height, if that makes sense!

While cake is baking, make the icing:

Melt 1 3/4 sticks butter in a saucepan.
Add 4 heaping tablespoons cocoa, stir to combine, then turn off heat.
Add:
6 tablespoons milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 lb powdered sugar
Stir together.
Pour over warm cake.

My girl cake loving family prefers no nuts, but should you have a boy cake loving family, add 1/3 cup of chopped nuts (walnuts, pecans, etc.) to the blended frosting ingredients.

Cut into squares, eat, and be prepared to be transported to a happier place - especially if you have a tall glass of ice cold milk or a cup of black coffee.

Posted by Mommazilla at 08:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)