2010 is going to be a challenging year for me on many different levels. Please wish me luck as I do the same to you.

It's been a fun ride.

~Mommazilla, a.k.a. Sandi

I have absolutely no Christmas spirit this year. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nunca. I put on faux giddy face for the kidlets but in reality, I just want it to hurry up and get the hell outta here. I'm done with the fruitcakes (and I'm not talking the stale dessert kind), skinny smelly Santas who ask you to please sit on their lap, the incessant countdown questions of how many more days, minutes, seconds, miliseconds..., and if I have to re-wrap one more present because Gunny couldn't "halp himself," I'm gonna go batschat crazy. Seriously.

Argh. I need a vacation from Christmas vacation. Somewhere preferably where a fat man in a red suit has absolutely no pull on the local economy. Any ideas?

Anyhoo, I'm sure I'm not alone in this sentiment, or perhaps I am. Whatever the case, I'm going to barricade myself up in my house until this merry season of candy canes, eggnog, and yule logs pass over and I'm once again faced with a house that is relatively sane and free from tinsel in the litter box. Don't ask.

Some truly tasteless videos for your Christms enjoyment:

1. Sign up for ebates. Yes, I'm gonna whore myself out here with a self-promoting linky - but you don't need to use it (unless you really want to and remain on Sandi's good list). This cool website gives you cash back if you go through their site to access the places you normally shop at (online). For example, I love Sephora and needed some more spackle for my face. I shopped through Ebates last night and got 8% back for my purchase. It may not seem like a lot but it adds up.

2. Looking for cheap books? Check out sortfloorbooks.com. These books may have slight blemishes, black binding marks, etc., but they are priced exceptionally well. Use the code "jolly" for an additional 10% off, and if you spend over $14.99, you get free shipping. If you visit the site, be sure to plug in "sets" in the search box. They have these funky little sets you can order for a coupla bucks and they make great stocking stuffers.

3. Buy a Prime Membership through Amazon.com. It's $79, but it guarantees you free 2-day shipping or $3.99 overnight shipping for a year. I save a fortune each Christmas, by not having to pay for shipping.

4. Check out deal sites like fishingfordeals.net or slickdeals.net. They are updated several times an hour with fantastic deals and coupon codes.

5. Before you place an online order anywhere, always Google to see if you can find a coupon code. I'd say 90% of the time, you'll be able to find a small discount if not a free shipping code.

6. Select "ship to site" or "site to store" when possible. For example, I need to find three bean bags for the munchkins and found some I like at Walmart.com (2% back at Ebates). I did not want to pay $40 to have them shipped so I selected "site to store." They will arrive at my closest Walmart in a few weeks and when I'm there anyway, picking up the Easy Cheese and Spam, I can easily grab them.

7. Buy local! Avoid the shipping fees altogether and support your local businesses.

8. Go homemade - well kinda. This year I'm using my photography to create calendars, photobooks, etc. for family and friends. A really cool place with great prices for this kind of thing is Artscow.com. They are located in Hong Kong so shipping take forever. However, if you sign up for daily deals, you can get some really cool stuff with free shipping - sans the bird flu ;-).

9. Don't forget to check our your local Craig's List. You can buy, sell, trade, barter - pretty much anything!

10. When all else fails, wait for the after Christmas sales and stall. A simple, "Oh crap! I forgot your gift at home!" will save you a fortune in after Christmas sales. And yes, I speak like a woman with experience in this category. Sorry mom!

What do you do? Anything helpful we can add to this list? I'm always looking for bargain hunting ideas.

Actually, I was "New Moon'd" as I took Taters to see the latest installment of the Twilight movies. Before I go any further, let me first put on a coat of armor over my anti-shark bite suit, as I know I'm about to have sticks, stones and potentially other sharp objects hurled at my anti-Edward and anti-Jacob loathing body.

Let me begin by telling you, yes, I did read the books. In fact I read the first one with much interest as all my girlfriends were in a frantic, almost orgasmic state screaming about the greatness of this vampire and his girlfriend. The book was an easy read and when I was done, I went back through it thinking I had missed something since I wasn't nearly as excited as my friends were. I even plugged on and read the second and then skimmed through the third when I couldn't force myself to read another word. What was the matter with me? What was I not catching onto that these normally sane and intelligent women were seeing? At one point, I even considered having my estrogen levels checked because certainly my womanliness was off in some way since I thought the series was beyond boring and the bloodsucker and his woman to be entirely unlikable characters.

I kept my dislike to myself - not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings or set off an angry mob with torches around my house. The women around me were in love with this series and I felt for my safety, it was just best to shut my mouth, smile and nod along. I even managed to go and see the movie, and sit through an hour and a half of craptastic acting, long weird stares, and an English guy that severely needed a tan and a haircut.

For the past year, the subject of Twilight has slowly simmered in my house. Taters warned me they were making a sequel and in a night of drunkenness promises I told her I'd take her to the next movie when it finally came out.

Fast forward to this weekend, and my little girl, who never forgets a thing, reminded me of my promise. I gulped down the vomit that was bubbling at the back of my throat and promised her endless amounts of cookie dough ice cream and that I'd clean the little box the next five times - but nothing worked and she couldn't be swayed.

Because I'm a tightwad, I told her we'd go but it would need to be a matinee - in order that I could still purchase and consume my 1,600 calories of popcorn and Pepsi (thanks to my BFF Sandruh for that caloric calculation). When we got to the theater, we met Sandruh and were greeted by throngs of teenage girls and a handful of angry looking men with their giddy spouses.

We chose seats towards the front so as to appease my field mouse sized bladder. As soon as the movie started I heard gasps behind me of, "Oh my gawd! Jacob is so FINE. Eff Eye En EE FINE!" I sunk lower into my seat so that my eye rolling did not get catch the attention of the potentially violent hormonal teenage girls.

The movie went by at a pretty steady pace - between the oohs, aahs, and Sandruh's claims that "Jacob" was like a brunette Fabio, I was entertained not only by the crowd but the crappy special wolf effects. Yes, it was a long ass two hours and 10 minutes *ducking*. Taters seemed to enjoy it immensely, as I watched her sit a row away from me. The weird likes to sit right in front and my poor bifocals can't seem to focus right when I sit that close. As we got up to leave, I told Sandruh that I needed to go home and watch the Die Hard series. She frowned at me, obviously not appreciating my need for some real man sweat testosterone.

All in all, no, I didn't care for the movie and I refuse to be on either Team Jacob or Team Edward - honestly, neither one floats my boat. I don't see the draw of the books or movies but millions of other gals do, so maybe my estrogen is low or my lady button is broke. I was trying to think of a comparable series of my childhood, that had the draw of Twilight. Star Wars? Luke was a babe and Han Solo was such a scrumptious man, but seriously, we didn't have the "Team Luke" or "Team Han Solo" that we do now. Or how about "Back to the Future?" Nah, Micheal J. Fox was a cutie but certainly nothing to get my teenager hormones in a tizzy for. I remember being in love with the Coreys', Patrick Swayze, and Ralph Macchio and I'm sure my love was as annoying as the current trend, but 20+ years helps to soothe the memories of Tiger Beat posters and pillow covers ;-).

So, did you see the movie? Did you love it? Hate it? Have no opinion on it? Let me know whatcha think.

1. I have an old lady purse. No, it doesn't smell like cat pee or reek of cigarette smoke, it's all about what's inside it...cough drops, chapstick, cough syrup, cold pills, an inhaler, gum, sewing kit, lotion and breath mints...If I added some Rolaids, Tums or even Immodium, I might even totally pass for a hypochondriac.

2. Thanks to the addition of a seven week old furball who hasn't quite figured out the litter box is not a toy box, Gunny has a new word and it's not exactly appropriate for a three year old. I was lamenting to my mom on the phone about the "cat sh*t" smell and how I couldn't find the source. Of course, with his super hearing skills, he began screaming the phrase, looking under shelves and behing bookcases. "Don't worry Momma, I gonna find da cat sh*t for ya!" Thanks Gunny.

3. And speaking of the Gunster, he is now officially potty trained and a self-proclaimed super duper pooper. It's cute but I'm hoping his habit of introducing himself at Starbucks to all the pretty ladies will eventually subside. Not everyone appreciates shaking hands with a three year old screaming, "Hi, I Gunnah, and I poop lots in da potty!"

4. I've wasted the last day and a half trying to install Windows 7 on my new Dell desktop. Half of that time has been spent with Hubby on the phone with tech support. They have one of those automated systems where you say a word and then you get transfered to the right person - normally who reads from a script and can't entirely speak English. Two things I learned today while listening to him on the phone? The f-word is not recognized by the automated system, and you truly can't joke with someone reading from a script. Good times.

5. I've already lamented about my old lady purse...but the cause of it is this damn cold which has established residency in my lungs. I'm on four different drugs - two cough syrups, an antibiotic and an inhaler - and I'm slowly starting to feel better. I've had the cough and ickiness for going on three weeks now - and it truly sucks.

6. The countdown to Black Friday has started...Taters and I will be driving down Thanksgiving night to spend our early morning hours with Aunt D. The stores open at midnight down there and it should be a blast, albeit exhausting!

7. I've watched the movie "Coraline" about a bazillion times and I still can't get over the theater scene with the Aphrodite. My kids willingly close their eyes when the heavyset Goddess in pasties and a g-string does her jiggly thing. Barf.

I think I'm gonna end this list at the #7. I'm starting to bark like a seal and Hubby is holding a fish bucket demanding tricks. Have a fabulous weekend and stay dry!

1. I don't get Lady Gaga, but I sure like her music. The blood thing, the getting thrown off a balcony and doing her dance with crutch thingies, the whole weird costume get-up - yeah, at least she's got the pipes that make up for her "uniqueness."

2. Anyone else think that "Shake Weight" thing is just a little obscene? Or is it just me? I think this particular exercise is why most teen boys have nice arms. *snort*

3. I'm sending Kevin Federline a box of condoms and some tiny rubberbands with some sterilization suggestions. He's rumored to have knocked up his current girlfriend here. Three babies' mommas with one of them being Britney Spears? What the heck is up with this guy? I'm just not seeing it...

4. I think I'm anti-female. First, it was my utter dislike of the movie, "Mama Mia," which proved that my estrogen levels were lacking. Now, it's my girlfriends extreme infatuation with the "Twilight" movies. I'm ducking when I say this, but I have to say I just don't get it. Between the craptastic acting and the strange, long stares, the movie really creeped me out. I tried reading the books to catch the vibe but I just don't get it. Taters, on the other hand, considers me to be a female freak of nature. She's "Team Jacob" by the way...

5. On the topic of cussing - C-dub asked me if the lights went out again, if he was allowed to utter a few curse words here and there. His reasoning? It would be "emergency cussing."

6. The Hubby and I took the kids to the Gem and Mineral Show at Redwood Acres over the weekend. I'm happy to say that my vacuum cleaner is cleaned out and ready to go for the next 20lb batch of rocks we managed to bring home. In all seriousness, the kids had a ball and the people up there put on an excellent show.

7. Taters amazes me each day with her artistic creativity. Her most current piece of work? A cross-dressing prince. I'm so proud (and yes, he is saying, "I'm so pretty."):

8. I can't believe that my seven year old is balling because my three year old is chanting, "wimpy,wimpy, wimpeeee!!!!' as he plays Wii. Someone is a little sensitive today.

9. Puberty is slowing rearing its ugly little head in my house. Taterbug informed me that some actor she saw the other day was "utterly scrumptious." I don't really know what that means but I did remind her of the cootie factor and that boys tend to pick their noses and smell their farts. I think my suggestions fell upon deaf ears.

10. I'm not digging the current Reebok commercials. The particular one I'm talking about focuses on a woman's breasts and then butt for the duration of the commercial. Taterbug saw it and her comment summed it up the best, "That was about shoes, Mom?" I know that at least 50% of our population is gonna disagree with me about this:

Since the only thing my brain is channeling is snot bubbles and Kleenex bits, I will share a few videos guaranteed to make you smile or at least chuckle - or just keep you awake.

If you are superstitious you'll never step on cracks.
When you see a ladder you will never walk beneath it.
And if you ever spill some salt you'll thrown some 'cross your back,
And carry' round a rabbit's foot just in case you need it.
You'll pick up any pin that you find lying on the ground,
And never, never, ever throw your hat upon the bed,
Or open an umbrella when you are in the house.
You'll bite your tongue each time you say
A thing you shouldn't have said.
You'll hold your breath and cross your fingers
Walkin' by a graveyard,
And number thirteen's never gonna do you any good.
Black cats will all look vicious, if you're superstitious,
But I'm not superstitious (knock on wood).

Have a spooktacular Halloween from my little monsters:

There's too many kids in this tub
There's too many elbows to scrub
I just washed a behind that I'm sure wasn't mine
There's too many kids in this tub.

(By Shel Silverstein from A LIGHT IN THE ATTIC, 1981, HarperCollins, page 86)

While I was at home suffering through the aftermaths of the flu vaccine combined with a head cold, my older two kiddos went with friends to the Coast Guard's Haunted Barn. I've heard about their haunted festivities every year and finally decided to let my two monsters go creep amongst their own.

Through my Dayquil induced haze, I waved goodbye as they drove off, only after they both emptied their bladders, "just in case." Taters even swore she was packing extra undies should her body decide to find extra urine that needed to be released during a good scare.

I had previously tried to take the kids up the CCHB last week, however, so did about 1,000 other Humboldt County residents. We stood in line for about an hour and between the cold and the jackass smoking a bowl of weed and then blowing it down wind (in our direction), we decided to leave. It was hard to vacate the the sights (strobe lights, purple and orange blinking lights, fog, etc.) and sounds (chainsaws and screaming primarily) but the decision was made and I ended up dragging two angry and crying children away with the promise of ice cream at McDonalds.

When they got home last night, Taters was all riled up. She proudly told me how she had confronted the "chainsaw dude" and had told "Freddy" with his knife fingernails to "get lost." Nothing scared her, she proclaimed, NOTHING. C-dub, on the other hand, looked a little pale when he walked through the front door. I watched him walk out to his bedroom and breathe a heavy sigh of relief as he checked under his bed for any apparent monsters. He then came in my sick chamber and gave me a hug that lasted for several seconds. He was not nearly as thrilled as his sister was with their haunted visit.

When bedtime rolled around, I had three extra mouth breathers curled up next to me and my box of Kleenexes. Poor Hubby had to sleep on the couch but I gladly would have exchanged a comfy leather couch for the six inches of pillow top I had to balance on throughout the night. What I'd give to be a kid again and to get the kid goggles where I don't see the zippers, make-up, and electrical cords - where monsters are monsters and ghosts are ghosts. I love Halloween - I hope yours' is frightful :-).

I watched the "Today Show" this morning, and they had a special segment on women who have "Superior Wife Syndrome" or are the "Wife-In-Chief" for the family. These are the wives and moms who do all the family multi-tasking, planning, ordering, and God forbid (*insert dramatic gasp*)... essentially run the household.

I guess my first mistake was watching the "Today Show" prior to a heavy caffeine intake. My second mistake? Listening to such rubbish and not jumping through the TV and bitch slapping the three broads who were discussing this topic with such domestic fervor and 1950's housewife wit. Now that I have calmed down and composed myself to the best of my cold coffee and bathrobe wearing abilities, I'd like to share with you my take on the segment.

First and foremost, here are the three rules they suggest wives use on their HUSBANDS. Please note this is in capital letters because yes, I am virtually yelling at you. The reason will be apparent in the next few sentences.

1. Ask for small request and favors.
Example: Honey? Can you please take out the trash that I have previously loaded up, compacted, and spritzed with a refreshing spray of Febreze for your packing out pleasure? I even put that 200 pound garbage can on the dolly so you wouldn't hurt your poor back.

2. Gradually move on to larger tasks.
Example: Honey? Now that I have made a complete 12 course dinner, including hand thrown dinner plates and blown glass mugs, can I pretty please ask you to load the dishwasher? I know honey, it's a lot to ask but do you think you could at least load up the silverware? Pretty please?

3. Give positive reinforcement.
Example: Babe! You did such an awesome job putting the cap back on the toothpaste! Tomorrow we'll work on the errant curly hairs in the tub. In the meanwhile, here's a new issue of "Babes-n-Bucks" and a frosty cold one to wet your thirst! Can I rub your feet since I bet you're exhausted from that twisting motion of replacing the cap!

Sure, I've used all the above steps in training MY CHILDREN. It works like a friggin' charm with three year olds. But for chriminy's sake, this is a MAN we're speaking about. Someone who has already been raised and should do things without the wife having to go through the childlike chain of three steps. Wives and moms do their crap everyday without any sort of encouragement. Why? Why do we plug on? Because no one else is gonna get it done. Thanks for compliments, but now get the hell outta my way - there is a house to be cleaned and dirty butts to be wiped!

Yes, I am a Wife-In-Chief and I wear the title well. Christmas, birthdays, and weddings just happen in my family. Banking decisions, daily menus, and shopping trips just happen in my family. New jackets, fresh boxes of Kleenexes, and computer paper just happen in my family. Do you get what I'm saying? I think most women are walking in the same pair of flip flops I'm rocking - we run the house so things happen. If we wait for the hubby to take care of business, well it's probably not gonna happen.

I know a marriage is based on teamwork - especially when children are introduced into the mix. And I agree when the three hags stressed that we should be able to relax in our relationships - burping, farting, and snot blowing is prevalent in my own household. However, when they follow up such comments with references to the hubby leaving the house for work and the wife staying home with the kids and household - I'm just not buying it. Folks, we're not in the 1950's anymore - most of us are upside down in bad mortgages and are struggling to make ends meet with both mom and dad working full-time jobs. Cheerleading should occur - but it should be a mutual relationship. It's not my job to by my hubby's mother - he has one and she does a fine job in that role.

In conclusion...my rant is almost over... I had to laugh when the biddies final comments included not approaching their hubbies when you're feeling "cranky or irritated." I'm sorry, but is there a day when a women isn't feeling like this? It's called life. Unless I have a ton of Valium and Xanax on board, with a bib to catch the and dripping drool, I can't put on a happy face to coach the Hubby into doing jobs he should be doing already - and without the promise of sexual favors and fresh baked cookies. In the words of Roseanne Barr, “Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.”

If you're a man reading this posting, I'm sure you are a step ahead of most guys - for one thing, there is only one picture in those positing and that means you had to read a lot of words!! In all seriousness, I love men and I'm exaggerating their weaknesses in order to prove my point. My problem and gripe lies in shows like this which try to draw lines in relationships and make the women look and feel like a overbearing biotches. I'd love to see them do a show for men with a similar set of rules for their wives, but you know that's never gonna happen - the estrogen crew will keep on keepin' on, just like we always have.

Whoo! Rant over. Thanks for hangin' and readin'.