Actually, I was "New Moon'd" as I took Taters to see the latest installment of the Twilight movies. Before I go any further, let me first put on a coat of armor over my anti-shark bite suit, as I know I'm about to have sticks, stones and potentially other sharp objects hurled at my anti-Edward and anti-Jacob loathing body.

Let me begin by telling you, yes, I did read the books. In fact I read the first one with much interest as all my girlfriends were in a frantic, almost orgasmic state screaming about the greatness of this vampire and his girlfriend. The book was an easy read and when I was done, I went back through it thinking I had missed something since I wasn't nearly as excited as my friends were. I even plugged on and read the second and then skimmed through the third when I couldn't force myself to read another word. What was the matter with me? What was I not catching onto that these normally sane and intelligent women were seeing? At one point, I even considered having my estrogen levels checked because certainly my womanliness was off in some way since I thought the series was beyond boring and the bloodsucker and his woman to be entirely unlikable characters.

I kept my dislike to myself - not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings or set off an angry mob with torches around my house. The women around me were in love with this series and I felt for my safety, it was just best to shut my mouth, smile and nod along. I even managed to go and see the movie, and sit through an hour and a half of craptastic acting, long weird stares, and an English guy that severely needed a tan and a haircut.

For the past year, the subject of Twilight has slowly simmered in my house. Taters warned me they were making a sequel and in a night of drunkenness promises I told her I'd take her to the next movie when it finally came out.

Fast forward to this weekend, and my little girl, who never forgets a thing, reminded me of my promise. I gulped down the vomit that was bubbling at the back of my throat and promised her endless amounts of cookie dough ice cream and that I'd clean the little box the next five times - but nothing worked and she couldn't be swayed.

Because I'm a tightwad, I told her we'd go but it would need to be a matinee - in order that I could still purchase and consume my 1,600 calories of popcorn and Pepsi (thanks to my BFF Sandruh for that caloric calculation). When we got to the theater, we met Sandruh and were greeted by throngs of teenage girls and a handful of angry looking men with their giddy spouses.

We chose seats towards the front so as to appease my field mouse sized bladder. As soon as the movie started I heard gasps behind me of, "Oh my gawd! Jacob is so FINE. Eff Eye En EE FINE!" I sunk lower into my seat so that my eye rolling did not get catch the attention of the potentially violent hormonal teenage girls.

The movie went by at a pretty steady pace - between the oohs, aahs, and Sandruh's claims that "Jacob" was like a brunette Fabio, I was entertained not only by the crowd but the crappy special wolf effects. Yes, it was a long ass two hours and 10 minutes *ducking*. Taters seemed to enjoy it immensely, as I watched her sit a row away from me. The weird likes to sit right in front and my poor bifocals can't seem to focus right when I sit that close. As we got up to leave, I told Sandruh that I needed to go home and watch the Die Hard series. She frowned at me, obviously not appreciating my need for some real man sweat testosterone.

All in all, no, I didn't care for the movie and I refuse to be on either Team Jacob or Team Edward - honestly, neither one floats my boat. I don't see the draw of the books or movies but millions of other gals do, so maybe my estrogen is low or my lady button is broke. I was trying to think of a comparable series of my childhood, that had the draw of Twilight. Star Wars? Luke was a babe and Han Solo was such a scrumptious man, but seriously, we didn't have the "Team Luke" or "Team Han Solo" that we do now. Or how about "Back to the Future?" Nah, Micheal J. Fox was a cutie but certainly nothing to get my teenager hormones in a tizzy for. I remember being in love with the Coreys', Patrick Swayze, and Ralph Macchio and I'm sure my love was as annoying as the current trend, but 20+ years helps to soothe the memories of Tiger Beat posters and pillow covers ;-).

So, did you see the movie? Did you love it? Hate it? Have no opinion on it? Let me know whatcha think.