Posted by Mommazilla at 12:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Actually, I was "New Moon'd" as I took Taters to see the latest installment of the Twilight movies. Before I go any further, let me first put on a coat of armor over my anti-shark bite suit, as I know I'm about to have sticks, stones and potentially other sharp objects hurled at my anti-Edward and anti-Jacob loathing body.

Let me begin by telling you, yes, I did read the books. In fact I read the first one with much interest as all my girlfriends were in a frantic, almost orgasmic state screaming about the greatness of this vampire and his girlfriend. The book was an easy read and when I was done, I went back through it thinking I had missed something since I wasn't nearly as excited as my friends were. I even plugged on and read the second and then skimmed through the third when I couldn't force myself to read another word. What was the matter with me? What was I not catching onto that these normally sane and intelligent women were seeing? At one point, I even considered having my estrogen levels checked because certainly my womanliness was off in some way since I thought the series was beyond boring and the bloodsucker and his woman to be entirely unlikable characters.

I kept my dislike to myself - not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings or set off an angry mob with torches around my house. The women around me were in love with this series and I felt for my safety, it was just best to shut my mouth, smile and nod along. I even managed to go and see the movie, and sit through an hour and a half of craptastic acting, long weird stares, and an English guy that severely needed a tan and a haircut.

For the past year, the subject of Twilight has slowly simmered in my house. Taters warned me they were making a sequel and in a night of drunkenness promises I told her I'd take her to the next movie when it finally came out.

Fast forward to this weekend, and my little girl, who never forgets a thing, reminded me of my promise. I gulped down the vomit that was bubbling at the back of my throat and promised her endless amounts of cookie dough ice cream and that I'd clean the little box the next five times - but nothing worked and she couldn't be swayed.

Because I'm a tightwad, I told her we'd go but it would need to be a matinee - in order that I could still purchase and consume my 1,600 calories of popcorn and Pepsi (thanks to my BFF Sandruh for that caloric calculation). When we got to the theater, we met Sandruh and were greeted by throngs of teenage girls and a handful of angry looking men with their giddy spouses.

We chose seats towards the front so as to appease my field mouse sized bladder. As soon as the movie started I heard gasps behind me of, "Oh my gawd! Jacob is so FINE. Eff Eye En EE FINE!" I sunk lower into my seat so that my eye rolling did not get catch the attention of the potentially violent hormonal teenage girls.

The movie went by at a pretty steady pace - between the oohs, aahs, and Sandruh's claims that "Jacob" was like a brunette Fabio, I was entertained not only by the crowd but the crappy special wolf effects. Yes, it was a long ass two hours and 10 minutes *ducking*. Taters seemed to enjoy it immensely, as I watched her sit a row away from me. The weird likes to sit right in front and my poor bifocals can't seem to focus right when I sit that close. As we got up to leave, I told Sandruh that I needed to go home and watch the Die Hard series. She frowned at me, obviously not appreciating my need for some real man sweat testosterone.

All in all, no, I didn't care for the movie and I refuse to be on either Team Jacob or Team Edward - honestly, neither one floats my boat. I don't see the draw of the books or movies but millions of other gals do, so maybe my estrogen is low or my lady button is broke. I was trying to think of a comparable series of my childhood, that had the draw of Twilight. Star Wars? Luke was a babe and Han Solo was such a scrumptious man, but seriously, we didn't have the "Team Luke" or "Team Han Solo" that we do now. Or how about "Back to the Future?" Nah, Micheal J. Fox was a cutie but certainly nothing to get my teenager hormones in a tizzy for. I remember being in love with the Coreys', Patrick Swayze, and Ralph Macchio and I'm sure my love was as annoying as the current trend, but 20+ years helps to soothe the memories of Tiger Beat posters and pillow covers ;-).

So, did you see the movie? Did you love it? Hate it? Have no opinion on it? Let me know whatcha think.

Posted by Mommazilla at 10:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In the spirit of randomness, and wild trips on codeine cough syrup, I present to you my Funky Friday Fun List. In no particular order...

1. I have an old lady purse. No, it doesn't smell like cat pee or reek of cigarette smoke, it's all about what's inside it...cough drops, chapstick, cough syrup, cold pills, an inhaler, gum, sewing kit, lotion and breath mints...If I added some Rolaids, Tums or even Immodium, I might even totally pass for a hypochondriac.

2. Thanks to the addition of a seven week old furball who hasn't quite figured out the litter box is not a toy box, Gunny has a new word and it's not exactly appropriate for a three year old. I was lamenting to my mom on the phone about the "cat sh*t" smell and how I couldn't find the source. Of course, with his super hearing skills, he began screaming the phrase, looking under shelves and behing bookcases. "Don't worry Momma, I gonna find da cat sh*t for ya!" Thanks Gunny.

3. And speaking of the Gunster, he is now officially potty trained and a self-proclaimed super duper pooper. It's cute but I'm hoping his habit of introducing himself at Starbucks to all the pretty ladies will eventually subside. Not everyone appreciates shaking hands with a three year old screaming, "Hi, I Gunnah, and I poop lots in da potty!"

4. I've wasted the last day and a half trying to install Windows 7 on my new Dell desktop. Half of that time has been spent with Hubby on the phone with tech support. They have one of those automated systems where you say a word and then you get transfered to the right person - normally who reads from a script and can't entirely speak English. Two things I learned today while listening to him on the phone? The f-word is not recognized by the automated system, and you truly can't joke with someone reading from a script. Good times.

5. I've already lamented about my old lady purse...but the cause of it is this damn cold which has established residency in my lungs. I'm on four different drugs - two cough syrups, an antibiotic and an inhaler - and I'm slowly starting to feel better. I've had the cough and ickiness for going on three weeks now - and it truly sucks.

6. The countdown to Black Friday has started...Taters and I will be driving down Thanksgiving night to spend our early morning hours with Aunt D. The stores open at midnight down there and it should be a blast, albeit exhausting!

7. I've watched the movie "Coraline" about a bazillion times and I still can't get over the theater scene with the Aphrodite. My kids willingly close their eyes when the heavyset Goddess in pasties and a g-string does her jiggly thing. Barf.

I think I'm gonna end this list at the #7. I'm starting to bark like a seal and Hubby is holding a fish bucket demanding tricks. Have a fabulous weekend and stay dry!

Posted by Mommazilla at 11:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Holy moly, I would have loved to be present for this little girl's show and tell.

Posted by Mommazilla at 08:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Thank you...

Posted by Mommazilla at 05:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Through my Dayquil haze, I have a coupla thoughts for this beautiful, yet rainy, Monday morning...

1. I don't get Lady Gaga, but I sure like her music. The blood thing, the getting thrown off a balcony and doing her dance with crutch thingies, the whole weird costume get-up - yeah, at least she's got the pipes that make up for her "uniqueness."

2. Anyone else think that "Shake Weight" thing is just a little obscene? Or is it just me? I think this particular exercise is why most teen boys have nice arms. *snort*

3. I'm sending Kevin Federline a box of condoms and some tiny rubberbands with some sterilization suggestions. He's rumored to have knocked up his current girlfriend here. Three babies' mommas with one of them being Britney Spears? What the heck is up with this guy? I'm just not seeing it...

4. I think I'm anti-female. First, it was my utter dislike of the movie, "Mama Mia," which proved that my estrogen levels were lacking. Now, it's my girlfriends extreme infatuation with the "Twilight" movies. I'm ducking when I say this, but I have to say I just don't get it. Between the craptastic acting and the strange, long stares, the movie really creeped me out. I tried reading the books to catch the vibe but I just don't get it. Taters, on the other hand, considers me to be a female freak of nature. She's "Team Jacob" by the way...

5. On the topic of cussing - C-dub asked me if the lights went out again, if he was allowed to utter a few curse words here and there. His reasoning? It would be "emergency cussing."

6. The Hubby and I took the kids to the Gem and Mineral Show at Redwood Acres over the weekend. I'm happy to say that my vacuum cleaner is cleaned out and ready to go for the next 20lb batch of rocks we managed to bring home. In all seriousness, the kids had a ball and the people up there put on an excellent show.

7. Taters amazes me each day with her artistic creativity. Her most current piece of work? A cross-dressing prince. I'm so proud (and yes, he is saying, "I'm so pretty."):

8. I can't believe that my seven year old is balling because my three year old is chanting, "wimpy,wimpy, wimpeeee!!!!' as he plays Wii. Someone is a little sensitive today.

9. Puberty is slowing rearing its ugly little head in my house. Taterbug informed me that some actor she saw the other day was "utterly scrumptious." I don't really know what that means but I did remind her of the cootie factor and that boys tend to pick their noses and smell their farts. I think my suggestions fell upon deaf ears.

10. I'm not digging the current Reebok commercials. The particular one I'm talking about focuses on a woman's breasts and then butt for the duration of the commercial. Taterbug saw it and her comment summed it up the best, "That was about shoes, Mom?" I know that at least 50% of our population is gonna disagree with me about this:

Posted by Mommazilla at 08:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

...is the last day I remember being healthy. The last day I could breathe outta both of my nostrils and the last day my nose wasn't a beautiful shade of magenta. I'm sick, whiny, and irritable - not a good combination, but it at least explains a little of my blog absentia.

Since the only thing my brain is channeling is snot bubbles and Kleenex bits, I will share a few videos guaranteed to make you smile or at least chuckle - or just keep you awake.

Posted by Mommazilla at 08:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)