Have a spooktacular Halloween from my little monsters:

Posted by Mommazilla at 05:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

While I was at home suffering through the aftermaths of the flu vaccine combined with a head cold, my older two kiddos went with friends to the Coast Guard's Haunted Barn. I've heard about their haunted festivities every year and finally decided to let my two monsters go creep amongst their own.

Through my Dayquil induced haze, I waved goodbye as they drove off, only after they both emptied their bladders, "just in case." Taters even swore she was packing extra undies should her body decide to find extra urine that needed to be released during a good scare.

I had previously tried to take the kids up the CCHB last week, however, so did about 1,000 other Humboldt County residents. We stood in line for about an hour and between the cold and the jackass smoking a bowl of weed and then blowing it down wind (in our direction), we decided to leave. It was hard to vacate the the sights (strobe lights, purple and orange blinking lights, fog, etc.) and sounds (chainsaws and screaming primarily) but the decision was made and I ended up dragging two angry and crying children away with the promise of ice cream at McDonalds.

When they got home last night, Taters was all riled up. She proudly told me how she had confronted the "chainsaw dude" and had told "Freddy" with his knife fingernails to "get lost." Nothing scared her, she proclaimed, NOTHING. C-dub, on the other hand, looked a little pale when he walked through the front door. I watched him walk out to his bedroom and breathe a heavy sigh of relief as he checked under his bed for any apparent monsters. He then came in my sick chamber and gave me a hug that lasted for several seconds. He was not nearly as thrilled as his sister was with their haunted visit.

When bedtime rolled around, I had three extra mouth breathers curled up next to me and my box of Kleenexes. Poor Hubby had to sleep on the couch but I gladly would have exchanged a comfy leather couch for the six inches of pillow top I had to balance on throughout the night. What I'd give to be a kid again and to get the kid goggles where I don't see the zippers, make-up, and electrical cords - where monsters are monsters and ghosts are ghosts. I love Halloween - I hope yours' is frightful :-).

Posted by Mommazilla at 09:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I watched the "Today Show" this morning, and they had a special segment on women who have "Superior Wife Syndrome" or are the "Wife-In-Chief" for the family. These are the wives and moms who do all the family multi-tasking, planning, ordering, and God forbid (*insert dramatic gasp*)... essentially run the household.

I guess my first mistake was watching the "Today Show" prior to a heavy caffeine intake. My second mistake? Listening to such rubbish and not jumping through the TV and bitch slapping the three broads who were discussing this topic with such domestic fervor and 1950's housewife wit. Now that I have calmed down and composed myself to the best of my cold coffee and bathrobe wearing abilities, I'd like to share with you my take on the segment.

First and foremost, here are the three rules they suggest wives use on their HUSBANDS. Please note this is in capital letters because yes, I am virtually yelling at you. The reason will be apparent in the next few sentences.

1. Ask for small request and favors.
Example: Honey? Can you please take out the trash that I have previously loaded up, compacted, and spritzed with a refreshing spray of Febreze for your packing out pleasure? I even put that 200 pound garbage can on the dolly so you wouldn't hurt your poor back.

2. Gradually move on to larger tasks.
Example: Honey? Now that I have made a complete 12 course dinner, including hand thrown dinner plates and blown glass mugs, can I pretty please ask you to load the dishwasher? I know honey, it's a lot to ask but do you think you could at least load up the silverware? Pretty please?

3. Give positive reinforcement.
Example: Babe! You did such an awesome job putting the cap back on the toothpaste! Tomorrow we'll work on the errant curly hairs in the tub. In the meanwhile, here's a new issue of "Babes-n-Bucks" and a frosty cold one to wet your thirst! Can I rub your feet since I bet you're exhausted from that twisting motion of replacing the cap!

Sure, I've used all the above steps in training MY CHILDREN. It works like a friggin' charm with three year olds. But for chriminy's sake, this is a MAN we're speaking about. Someone who has already been raised and should do things without the wife having to go through the childlike chain of three steps. Wives and moms do their crap everyday without any sort of encouragement. Why? Why do we plug on? Because no one else is gonna get it done. Thanks for compliments, but now get the hell outta my way - there is a house to be cleaned and dirty butts to be wiped!

Yes, I am a Wife-In-Chief and I wear the title well. Christmas, birthdays, and weddings just happen in my family. Banking decisions, daily menus, and shopping trips just happen in my family. New jackets, fresh boxes of Kleenexes, and computer paper just happen in my family. Do you get what I'm saying? I think most women are walking in the same pair of flip flops I'm rocking - we run the house so things happen. If we wait for the hubby to take care of business, well it's probably not gonna happen.

I know a marriage is based on teamwork - especially when children are introduced into the mix. And I agree when the three hags stressed that we should be able to relax in our relationships - burping, farting, and snot blowing is prevalent in my own household. However, when they follow up such comments with references to the hubby leaving the house for work and the wife staying home with the kids and household - I'm just not buying it. Folks, we're not in the 1950's anymore - most of us are upside down in bad mortgages and are struggling to make ends meet with both mom and dad working full-time jobs. Cheerleading should occur - but it should be a mutual relationship. It's not my job to by my hubby's mother - he has one and she does a fine job in that role.

In conclusion...my rant is almost over... I had to laugh when the biddies final comments included not approaching their hubbies when you're feeling "cranky or irritated." I'm sorry, but is there a day when a women isn't feeling like this? It's called life. Unless I have a ton of Valium and Xanax on board, with a bib to catch the and dripping drool, I can't put on a happy face to coach the Hubby into doing jobs he should be doing already - and without the promise of sexual favors and fresh baked cookies. In the words of Roseanne Barr, “Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.”

If you're a man reading this posting, I'm sure you are a step ahead of most guys - for one thing, there is only one picture in those positing and that means you had to read a lot of words!! In all seriousness, I love men and I'm exaggerating their weaknesses in order to prove my point. My problem and gripe lies in shows like this which try to draw lines in relationships and make the women look and feel like a overbearing biotches. I'd love to see them do a show for men with a similar set of rules for their wives, but you know that's never gonna happen - the estrogen crew will keep on keepin' on, just like we always have.

Whoo! Rant over. Thanks for hangin' and readin'.

Posted by Mommazilla at 10:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Last weekend I had the pleasure of shooting a beautiful high school senior at Rohner Park. The day was pretty, the weather was warm and my model was gorgeous:

I brought Taters along with me and gave her my back-up camera and telephoto lens. She loves that camera and I knew between the donkeys, feral cats, and crows, she'd have plenty of subject matter to shoot.

Just prior to the shoot starting, we saw this little fellow:

Cute, isn't he? With a bushy little gray tail and beady black little eyes, he's the epitomy of a wholesome nature moment. He skipped and he scampered along providing Taters with giggles and endless photo ops:

However, the adorableness of this little fellow quickly came into question as he made his way up this tree:

And we saw this hanging from a branch:

I heard Taters gasp and I saw her cover her mouth. She looked in horror at the squirrel and then at the shoe. She then professed:

"All that remains of the last child to see Mr. Meaty, the carnivorous squirrel, is a solo tennis shoe, Mom."

It's safe to say that we stayed away from Mr. Meaty's tree and were able to dodge his bucktoothy advances. Our warning for you? Stay outta Rohner Park unless you want to face the same demise from Mr. Meaty, the carnivorous squirrel.

Happy Halloween :-)

Posted by Mommazilla at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

"Cwistmas" is coming up fast and Gunny is glued to the J.C. Penney toy book that just came out. He's packing it everywhere just to make sure he has his toy list memorized. In case you didn't know -

My new breakfast, lunch and dinner:

My fever finally broke this morning so I'm hoping the hallucinations, voices, and lack of my ability to remember to pick up my children on a minimum day, diminish quickly. It's been a bad day - the kids gave me the silent treatment for my utter lack of disregard for their welfare - that was at least until I took them to McDonald's. All is well now and my sweating has slowed to a slow drip rather than a swollen Eel River. Blech.

Hope you're having a fabulous Wednesday. Mine has certainly been entertaining!

Posted by Mommazilla at 03:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

In case you missed it, here is the "Pot City, USA" television show recently shown on the A&E Network. It's pretty interesting and well worth your time to watch.

Posted by Mommazilla at 02:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

The things you see in the safety corridor...

Posted by Mommazilla at 11:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I've been slowly plugging along with my photography hobby. One of my friends was married over the weekend and he was kind enough to let my buddy, Sarah, and I shoot the shenanigans. It was a long day but entirely worth it. The ceremony was gorgeous and the reception was a blast!

Here they are before the nuptials, as an engaged couple:

And now as a married couple:

Congrats J & B! Thanks for letting us be part of your day!

Posted by Mommazilla at 10:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

* A re-post of last year with an additonal video. Enjoy! *

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Do yourself a favor and squeeze your bewbies. Early detection of breast cancer can save your life.

Just in case you need assistance with the exam:

And what if men had bewbies?

Posted by Mommazilla at 04:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Dear God's Helpers (a.k.a. the men in dark suits who keep showing up at my front door),

I realize you have a job to do and it's evidently to salvage the itty bitty soul contained in my tired old body. I know you're dressed in your finest Sunday best and you've worn the best Brut cologne in order to just make my acquaintance. And, I entirely appreciate the fact you put Dippity Doo in your hair and polished your shiny leather shoes with the best Windex had to offer. However, prior to us establishing a sincere relationship, I think there are a few things you should know....

As a day sleeper, I find it exceedingly difficult to entice Mr. Sandman into my lonely bedroom for a quick saucy spin into a comatose state. When you decide to pay me weekly visits and knock loudly at my front door, it's just a tad bit upsetting...as this causes my dogs to bark and then Zeke the rooster to crow his disapproval. My critters are obviously party animals and I guess they just don't find your lack of holiday celebrations and birthday acknowledgments acceptable.

Also, I really fear for your safety as your unannounced visits may coincide with our weekly ritualistic animal sacrifices. Once I have my hooded robe on and my hatchet a goin', it's hard to say who will get the brunt of it and I'd hate to lop off an ear or even a hand. Plus, I'd hate to splatter blood on your nice little suitcases. They look so clean and sparkly.

And finally, while I appreciate your earnest demeanor and the way you refuse to leave my front porch even when you see me through my dining room window scowling, wearing my pajamas and yesterday's make-up - you seriously need to reevaluate your visits. I hate using the f-word in such a loud way but your beady little eyes and joker like grin, peering through my window, freaked me out a tad. My bad.

In conclusion, I think it would be best if we ended our faux relationship and you moved onto someone else who might have an open ear to your deep thoughts on religion and life. I just don't think between the blaring 2 Live Crew music that routinely screams outta my stereo and my children who are normally naked and caked in mud, our budding affair is gonna be too successful.

Please, please, please do not make your weekly visit to my home. Don't knock on my door until the rooster crows and the dogs bark. And certainly, do not peak in my windows as I might be waving, but it will more than likely only be with one angry finger. Do not try to save me or worry for my soul - I know where I'm going and I've packed plenty of sunscreen and marshmallows. I might even send you a fireproof postcard.

With no love or affection,

Sandi the Angry Heathen

Posted by Mommazilla at 09:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I wish it was Sunday
'Cause that's my funday
My I don't have to runday
It's just another manic Monday

I've again been blindsided with a hectic schedule so pardon my ramblings and homage to the Bangles. In no particular order, here are some tidbits from weekend life. Feel free to add your own!

1. C-dub to me: "Mom? Did you hear that craziness Sissy is doin' with Gunny? She's givin' him a tattoo and he's got school tomorrow. He's just too young for dat sorta stuff!" At the ripe old age of seven, C-dub now considers himself old enough for tattoos. Good to know.

2. Taters to me on the topic of riding her bicycle with C-dub and Hubby to Round Table, "I kept looking for stuff that could kill us. I think I'm a worrier, Mom."

3. Gunny to me during his fiftieth visit to the toilet today, "Momma! I'm so comfusssed!!! I don't wanna take my poops swimmin' but I weally wanna new monstah twuck!"

4. Me to Hubby while at the Mall's bouncy place, "Hey hon (who was wisely shopping at Sear's while I watched four little crazy boys jump around like rabid kangaroos), can you please buy a pack of 4T undies? Yeah, I'm still checking to see if his schart was strong enough to produce a solid." Gag. Have I mentioned how much I hate potty training?

5. Gunny to Grandpa D, while packing around his sister's newest scary book, "Gwandpa! This book is %#*!$ scawey!" Eek! Oh no! Holy crap! Someone's gonna pay the cussin' jar and I'm sure it's not Gunny.

6. Me to my buddy, Jen, on the topic of my kids' school parking lot, "Do you know how many murders I've committed (in my brain) to those idiot driver parents? My blood pressure rises 20 points just pulling in!" The cool thing? Jen would totally agrees and would help me hide the bodies. I love that gal.

7. Hubby to the kids this morning on the subject of breakfast, "Yes, caramel apples are a great breakfast; fruit and milk. And no, don't tell Mom 'cuz she probably wouldn't agree."

8. Me to my buddy Sarah on the topic of new jeans, " Just order them! He'll (her hubs) thank you for it since you're saving so much money!"

9. Hubs to the four little partygoers celebrating C-dub's 7th birthday, "No. More. Quarters!"

10. Me to Hubs, discussing C-dub's bouncy party and dinner, "You want to take them to pizza before the bounce house? And who's gonna clean that up?" I love men.

Posted by Mommazilla at 09:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)