I'm thinking I'm having one of those days when I just need to grab the purr buckets, crawl back into bed, and place the kitty flannel sheets firmly over the top of my head. My morning started off alright until I heard my coffee pot quit brewing mid-flow. Thinking that maybe it was just too gunked up with nasty semi-filtered well water, I washed it inside and out. Evidently, my dish soap is better than I thought because I'm sitting here practically blowing bubbles due to a strange film on the inside of my coffee cup. Yes, I brewed soapy coffee. I've never proclaimed genius status.

Other than the coffee fiasco, things haven't been too bad. I have been chasing Gunny around the house this morning, going from mess to mess. He found out that a fully loaded Capri-Sun makes for an excellent cat blaster. Now my kitties are wet and sticky and he's having a time out. He also re-dumped out his raisins (you know the same ones already covered with cat hair and other unknown ickiness) and made a dirt ramp with salt-n-vinegar chips.

Just a visual reminder from last week:

On the topic of Gunny, I took him to Eureka yesterday to make my bi-annual trip to Tarjayyy (that's Target for you less sophisticated folks). Things were fine there although I was disappointed in that I really didn't find anything I need other than some Bob the Builder DVDs that somehow made it into my cart.

After Target, we hit Costco so that I could get some bottled water sans the grime our water naturally contains. While there, Gunny sat in the main part of the cart so that he could play "MONSTAH JAMZZ!!!" with his Hotwheels and monster trucks. During an exceptionally wild session of car crashing, I saw Gunny adjusting his "junk." Reminding him that more than two shakes equates that you're playing with it, he stopped for a moment and I looked away to check out the liquor deals. Isn't it ironic that tragedy strikes while Momma is looking for a way out?

I heard Gunny say, "Momma, I peed my pants. Weally I did."

I started to argue since I knew I had placed a fresh diaper on his little laundered butt prior to leaving for Eureka. Then I looked down at his pants and saw a huge wet spot covering his thigh and crotch area. Doing the Mommy thing, I reached down to check the visual evidence and found it warm to the touch. During his "playtime" he had managed to work his little leapin' lizard out the side of his diaper and then pee. Why? Why would he do this you ask? Because he's a little boy and his name is Gunny. And he knew Mommy really wanted to go to Ritz Camera before going home but that she didn't bother to pack any extra clothes.

Anyhoo, needless to say I didn't have any additional clothing other than a clean diaper. But he didn't even need that since the pee bypassed the diaper. It was quite the traumatic experience...for me, not him.

Now, as Gunny is up from his 15th time-out this morning, we're watching the morning news and he's explaining to me that everyone has butts and everyone poops. I agree with him and remind him that most people do it in a TOILET. He smiles at this but doesn't agree. Shocking. He then asks to see my "butt cwack" and I tell him no. He offers to show me his and I again say, no thanks. Trying to explain about private parts and modesty to a three year old is exasperating but comical.

It's going to be a long day. Is five o'clock somewhere yet?

Posted by Mommazilla at 10:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)

Give it up Piper, it just ain't gonna happen...

Neither kitty nor chicken were harmed in the making of this photo.

Posted by Mommazilla at 03:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

For obvious reasons...

I may have lost my sense of humor, but these commercials ANNOY the HECK out of me. What do you think?

Posted by Mommazilla at 07:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

As I walked down the hallway this morning, I felt the familiar crunchiness of spilled cat food, under my naked toes. Thinking that Piper and Gracie had been goofing off in their Cheerios this morning, I took a closer look and found a little trail - reminiscent to ET and his Reece's Pieces - extending out the kitchen and into the hallway. I followed the tender vittles which were ever so carefully placed down the hallway and out to the boys' room. This is what I found at the trail head:

Evidently, cat food is a precious cargo in our internal trucking circuit. Gunny is learning how to vacuum it all up, as we speak.

Posted by Mommazilla at 07:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Have you been out to Centerville Beach lately? In the past, it's kinda been iffy on how much beach you actually had to work with and how steep the sand slope was to the waves. Earthquakes and normal natural wear and tear has dramatically changed the way the beach has looked in the past - making it more and less accessible at times.

On the last really warm day we enjoyed, I grabbed the brats and headed out to check it out and I was so happy to be greeted by a gorgeous day and a beautiful beach. The wind was minimal and the beach was so flat and clean, with just a gentle slope down to the water. One scary part were the bluffs bordering the beach. They are really start to erode and come down into big silty piles of red dirt that resemble the Sahara desert. While we were there, we saw several mini land slides. It was a little frightening but ultimately, it was so cool showing the kids the different layers of time the bluffs demonstrate. I really think it was their favorite part as each of the kids ended up having red butts due to sitting in the dirt and scooting along.

If you go out to Centerville, take the time and drive-up past the old Centerville Beach Naval Station. It's just a short little jaunt up above the beach and is really interesting to take a look at behind the high fences. The base looks to be in some disrepair but for the most part, it still looks pretty good. It's such a shame that it's going to waste and they can't find some use for it.

There is a gorgeous lookout above the naval station with a sphincter clenching path down to who knows where. I'm terrified of heights and was perfectly content staying in my car and turning around in the viewpoint parking lot. You can see beautiful shots of the ocean and other Lost Coast ranches that dot the bottom of the valley. My friend told me she recently saw whales traveling by, but again, that would require me actually getting out of the car and being near the edge of the cliff. Just the thought of this makes my hands sweat like a water hose and a I get a nauseas feeling in the pit of my stomach. Not doin' the heights thing.

And certainly last but most definitely not least, if you go out to Centerville Beach, please be ever so careful with the ocean. Never turn your back on it and be very careful if you decide to partake amongst it's wet, salty goodness. The ocean is nondiscriminatory and will take anyone she chooses to - and does so many times a year. My voice was harsh by the time we left - mainly from screaming, "GET BACK!" to the three little monsters who don't fully understand or appreciate the respect you should give to this natural beauty.

I'm always looking for other nice beaches to visit in Humboldt County. Do you have any suggestions?

Posted by Mommazilla at 08:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)

Do you know that it's almost been a year since my dad was misdiagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer? It's hard to believe that at almost this time (last June), we were in a constant state of grief - tears, frustration, and anger ruled most of my family's lives. It was such a rough time for our family but certainly made all of us face our fears and grow much closer.

Since his misdiagnosis, he's been doing great. His body has slowly healed and he's become more like the dad and grandpa we're accustomed to. The type of awesome dad that shows up in the middle of the day to mow your lawn or prune your fruit trees - just because he's bored and he knows you don't have time to do it.

Gunny and my dad have always been close due to the fact that my dad was Gunny's primary caregiver since he was eight weeks old. Gunny reminds me a lot of my dad as he likes to tinker with everything and they each have a nasty little temper when they get frustrated. However, I truly doubt that my dad stomps off pouting, yelling that he "gives up!" with arms folded across his chest and a loud "Hmph!" to end the fit. Then again, I haven't seen my dad angry in awhile so things might have changed. Just kidding, Pops :-).

Dad stopped by to visit today, driving his old Willy's jeep. Gunny is absolutely in love with "Gwampa's Jweep." He's calls it "Gwampa's car cwusher" and gets so excited when Dad pulls into the driveway. He loves to sit and "drive" it for as long as Grandpa will allow - which is pretty much until Gunny gets bored and wants a popsicle.

Gunny had another driving session today and I snapped a few pics while he pretended to "car cwush" everything in his path. He first put on his driving glasses in order to look much cooler as a monstah twuck car cwushin' dwiver:

He then took to the wheel and let the mayhem begin!

He only stopped for a moment to ponder:

To ponder how much more he needed to grow in order to reach the pedals. Oh! I think he's figured it out!

You have to be "dis much" taller:

With the mystery of his height to pedal ratio solved, Grandpa took his jeep and lawn mower back home, while Gunny bid a fond farewell. It was a great way to spend the afternoon.

What did you do to enjoy your sunny day?

Posted by Mommazilla at 06:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Last weekend, C-dub and I planted seeds and strawberries plants in our outside planters. We bought soil and carefully filled up each container, daintily placing our seeds in each one. While we were doing this, our pet rooster Zeke, was standing guard and eyeballing us, trying to figure out what the heck the stupid humans were doing in his yard.

Once we were finished, we watered and called it a day. The kids and I talked later that night about how much fun it would be to watch our seeds turn into plants and eventually something on our dinner table. Life was good and we hit the sheets.

The next morning, I looked out at our planters and saw quite a mess. Evidently Zeke and his girlfriends had figured out what we were doing and had proceeded to dig up all the seeds we had planted. They left us empty shells, spilled dirt, chicken tracks, and lots of poop. I was initially irritated but later realized I should have thought about how smart these little rats with wings can be - especially with gourmet seeds. And, I should have caught on when Zeke began parading his lady friends by to see what we were doing. He had been planning this thievery all day long.

Although we lost our first batch of seeds, I went ahead and planted another batch of seeds again, yesterday. This time, I took the proper precautions and placed barriers around my pots. Unless the chickens suddenly develop opposable things, I think my plants will be safe.

Posted by Mommazilla at 11:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I don't know if you've noticed lately, but Popeye's Chicken has been playing an exorbitant amount of commercials, advertising their delectable goodies. The closest Popeye's to us is either in Redding or Rohnert Park so I'm guessing that's why our local programming has been bombarded by their greasy goodness.

I had the opportunity to visit a Popeye's when I went to New Orleans a few years back and let me tell you, it was a surreal experience. I know, kind of a funky thing to say about food - much less in reference to cheap chicken and gravy smothered spuds. Take heed when I tell you, it was that good. Everyone with me that day, also said the same thing. And this was before we began drinking the Hand Grenades.

Our local equivalent to Popeye's is KFC. I don't know about you, but whenever I eat KFC food, I end up drinking about a gallon of water and eating Tums for the next several hours. Plus, it's so freakin' expensive that it's not a place I eat at very often.

So what's the point of this posting? I swear I really have one...

Popeye's Chicken: Put up or shut up.

I can't handle looking at your commercials for one more second - knowing I'm going to have to drive at least four hours in order to partake amongst your chickeny goodness. Please, please please consider blessing us Humboldtians with a restaurant behind the redwood curtain. Our hips and lips would thank you. TREMENDOUSLY.

I know you would have made a fortune yesterday, should you have chosen to do a little foot work delivery near Redwood Park. *snort*

Please consider my heartfelt request. And if you choose to do so, feel free to bring your favorite cousin's, Coldstone and In-N-Out.

Posted by Mommazilla at 09:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

The art of aerial acrobatics performed inside a private residence so that a happily chattering feline may partake amongst some tatsty flying insect goodness.

Spring is here and so are the flies. Thank goodness I have two kitteh kat murderers.

Posted by Mommazilla at 02:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I know it's not November, so my thankfulness is kinda outta place, but here are some things recently that I'm thankful for. Please feel free to add yours.

1. I'm thankful for Knock-Knock Jokes. Especially the ones that revolve around dirty underwear and things that rhythme with "poop." I heard a plethora of them yesterday, as Gunny ran around the house with Hubby's underwear firmly planted on his head. I believe he was looking for comical inspiration. I just hope they were clean.

2. I'm thankful the State Water Resources Control Board is scrapping their harsh plan for new regulations and are now listening to the people in order to come up with a better idea. I'm part of the 20% of Humboldt County residents who own a septic system and these regulations could have cost us a fortune - if not our house.

3. I'm thankful we have a local Victoria's Secret. I've finally found the perfect bra within their pink perimeters and decided to place an order on-line. I quickly deleted my shopping cart containing three bras and three panties after they wanted to charge me $18.99 for shipping a pound of flimsy material. What the heck? I know the USPS is not doing so well but come on! Redonkulous.

4. I'm thankful for good dentists. Thank you Dr. Shin of Rio Dell for making my three child trip quick and pleasant.

5. I'm thankful for Octomom. She provides me with a constant source of entertainment and creepy looks. Do you know she is now trademarking the name "Octomom" so she can develop baby products and perhaps a reality TV show? Wow, I never saw that one coming. Good grief Nadya, your 15 minutes of glory is over. Concentrate on those babies rather than your fame.

6. I'm thankful for Kohls coming to the Bayshore Mall later this year. I just hope it can bring enough business in to save it since the Mall's owners recently filed for bankruptcy. While people might dislike the mall and what it represents, it still employees hundreds of people and has several tenants who are local small business owners.

7. I'm thankful for Facebook. It's like sitting at a big round table with friends and people I haven't seen in ages, and then sharing good conversation, pictures and cheesy games. I *heart* Bejeweled Blitz.

8. I'm thankful for the little bits of spring that has started to make its appearance. My lilacs are blooming, and my orchard is a bright mixture of different blossoms. My nose is running like a faucet but all is well.

9. I'm thankful that my three year old is becoming so verbal. And demanding. And gross. His current affliction with having to look at people's butts is a tad bit disconcerting - especially with company.

10. And finally, I'm thankful for my friends and family. No matter how dysfunctional we all are, we still hang together and make it through.

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

"Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life." ~ Mark Twain

Count your blessings on a daily basis. What are you thankful for?

Posted by Mommazilla at 10:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

On Tuesday, I took the kidlets to Rio Dell to meet their new dentist, Dr. Shin. I had heard so many good things about him from other friends and family, that I decided to switch the whole family over. It only took one visit to show me what a cool guy Dr. Shin is and make me happy to have done the big hassle of switching over dental records. Not only is he extremely personable and friendly, but he doesn't make you feel like a total dumbass when you make the dreaded admittance that you and your kids don't floss on a regular basis. I know, I know, but I'm working hard to change my ways.

Gunny seemed to like Dr. Shin, as well. He kept calling him "that guy" and every time Dr. Shin got close, Gunny would put on his best smile in an attempt to show Dr. Shin his "sparkalies." However, the smile quickly went away as soon as the doctor pulled out his little mirror and asked to count Gunny's teeth. It was a quick counting session but Gunny was wise to the cleaning plan and refused to open up his pie hole for anything motorized.

After we left the dentist, I promised the kids a spin through the Redwood Mini Golf. Initially, both C-dub and Taters hesitated to take Gunny because they were fearful of him packing a golf club. I had to crack up that I thought I had also thought twice about Gunny being in posession of a weapon. I assured them I would keep a close eye on the little heathen.

For the five of us It cost $15 (kids under 4 play free) to play 18 holes of golf. Since the wind was whipping through my hair at about 85mph, complete with an arctic chill, our session only lasted about 15 minutes. But let me tell you, it was a lot of fun. I was expecting a cheeseball, half-assed course but instead found very solidly built and well designed holes. They are currently working putting in a food stand and I'm thinking it might be a great place to hold a summer birthday. Snotsicles aren't my thing so I think we'll avoid the winter and the weather we caught the other day.

If we would have had more time, I would have hit the Pizza Factory for some of their great tasting pizza. The people in there super duper nice and their salad bar rocks. Plus, they have one of those junk crane machines that the kids love. For $5 in quarters, I can almost eat a complete meal in peace. It's amazing the things you'll do for warm food.

All in all, Rio Dell is a pretty cool place to live and visit. Stop by when you get a chance; they have a lot to offer.

Posted by Mommazilla at 11:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

On the first day of Easter vacation,
My children gave to me,
A case of anxxxx-IIII-uhhhhh-teeee!

On the second day of Easter vacation,
My children gave to me,
Two missing Easter eggs
And case of anxxxx-IIII-uhhhhh-teeee!

On the third day of Easter vacation,
My children gave to me,
Three sugar highs,
Two missing Easter eggs,
And a case of anxxxx-IIII-uhhhhh-teeee!

On the fourth day of Easter vacation,
my children gave to me,
Four hours of sleep,
Three sugar highs,
Two missing Easter eggs,
And a case of anxxxx-IIII-uhhhhh-teeee!

On the fifth day of Easter vacation,
My children gave to me,
FIVE HOPP-INNNNGGG TOADS!!!
Four hours of sleep,
Three sugar highs,
Two missing Easter eggs,
And a case of anxxxx-IIII-uhhhhh-teeee!

On the sixth day of Easter vacation,
My children gave to me,
Six dirty undies knock knock jokes,
FIVE HOPP-INNNNGGG TOADS!!!!,
Four hours of sleep,
Three sugar highs,
Two missing Easter eggs,
And a case of anxxxx-IIII-uhhhhh-teeee!

On the seventh day of Easter vacation,
My children gave to me,
Seven unknown rashes,
Six dirty undies knock knock jokes,
FIVE HOPP-INNNNGGG TOADS!!!!,
Four hours of sleep,
Three sugar highs,
Two missing Easter eggs,
And a case of anxxxx-IIII-uhhhhh-teeee!

On the eighth day of Easter vacation,
My children gave to me,
Eight man-poop diapers,
Seven unknown rashes,
Six dirty undies knock knock jokes,
FIVE HOPP-INNNNGGG TOADS!!!!,
Four hours of sleep,
Three sugar highs,
Two missing Easter eggs,
And a case of anxxxx-IIII-uhhhhh-teeee!

On the ninth day of Easter vacation,
My children gave to me,
Nine shots of tequila,
Eight man-poop diapers,
Seven unknown rashes,
Six dirty undies knock knock jokes,
FIVE HOPP-INNNNGGG TOADS!!!!,
Four hours of sleep,
Three sugar highs,
Two missing Easter eggs,
And a case of anxxxx-IIII-uhhhhh-teeee!

On the tenth day of Easter vacation,
My children gave to me,
Ten throbbing migraines,
Nine shots of tequila,
Eight man-poop diapers,
Seven unknown rashes,
Six dirty undies knock knock jokes,
FIVE HOPP-INNNNGGG TOADS!!!!,
Four hours of sleep,
Three sugar highs,
Two missing Easter eggs,
And a case of anxxxx-IIII-uhhhhh-teeee!

On the eleventh day of Easter vacation,
My children gave to me,
Eleven chocolaty kisses,
Ten throbbing migraines,
Nine shots of tequila,
Eight man-poop diapers,
Seven unknown rashes,
Six dirty undies knock knock jokes,
FIVE HOPP-INNNNGGG TOADS!!!!,
Four hours of sleep,
Three sugar highs,
Two missing Easter eggs,
And a case of anxxxx-IIII-uhhhhh-teeee!

On the twelfth day of Easter vacation,
My children gave to me,
Twelve stinky burps and farts,
Eleven chocolaty kisses,
Ten throbbing migraines,
Nine shots of tequila,
Eight man-poop diapers,
Seven unknown rashes,
Six dirty undies knock knock jokes,
FIVE HOPP-INNNNGGG TOADS!!!!,
Four hours of sleep,
Three sugar highs,
Two missing Easter eggs,
And a case of anxxxx-IIII-uhhhhh-teeee!

I can't wait until Monday. Lord help me.

Posted by Mommazilla at 09:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I think my thirty-three years are finally catching up to me - and in not such a good way. This morning while I was dressing Gunny, he grabbed my face in his dirty little hands and professed:

Momma, I wuv you. You yook yike Alice dah Gweat!

In case you aren't familiar with "Little Bill" and his GRANDMOTHER, Alice the Great, here's a pictorial reference:

That's right, besides the obvious differences, she's the little old lady with white hair and wrinkles. My son has declared I'm an old "yady" is his own special sorta way.

Nick Jr. will be turned off at our house for the next few days.

Posted by Mommazilla at 11:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

I consider this place to be one of the coolest spots to visit quackers. Do you know where it is?

In color:

And black/white:

And to the very nice lady we met at Safeway today, who recognized my kidlets and said "hi," thanks so much for reading. You really made our day!

Posted by Mommazilla at 05:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

For your visual enjoyment:

The cat with issues:

Disgusting food:

Posted by Mommazilla at 01:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by Mommazilla at 04:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

The other night while I was taking a spin with a nasty graveyard shift, Hubby was home alone snuggled up in our warm and comfy bed. I can see him there, softly snoring with two little boys curled up next to him in pure contentment. Actually, the real vision includes seeing him squished up on the side of bed, precariously dangling limbs over the side due to two little boys sleeping horizontal and drooling all over my pillows. Quite the sight and a lovely thing to crawl into after working all night.

Anyhoo, back to the original story. Hubby told me about two o'clock in the morning he awoke up to the sounds of strange moaning. He initially thought it was the dogs talking in their sleep or perhaps a tomcat trying to get his groove on with a neighborhood lady kitty, but they sounded strangely human. Hearing the moans subside, he fell back asleep and a few moments later, again awoke to the sound of more persistent moaning. The type of moans you tend to find in very happy household.

Being the staunch investigator he is, he quickly jumped out of bed and looked out the window to see if he could locate the source of the moans - just in case it truly was a person in need of assistance. He initially didn't see anything but then noticed our bachelor house with our cute little neighbor boys, was fully lit up. The moans, consistent and getting even more louder, were emanating from their house. Hubby said he blushed for a minute until he heard the boys in unison yelling:

"Oh my Gawd! I can't believe it? Is that even possible?!"

In their drunken stupor, they were watching a non-Disney movie together and decided to give our Valley a running play-by-play through their wide open windows. Note to self, if you are going to partake amongst the adult movies, at least shut your windows so we all don't have to partake. It makes it a little weird when we meet at the mailbox.

Posted by Mommazilla at 03:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

This is a repeat of a blog I posted about a year ago. I read about Farah Fawcett battling anal/colon cancer, and thought I'd post it again. No, it doesn't encourage your yearly colonoscopy but it is disgustingly funny.

A close family member (FM) has recently hit the age where the doctor feels it necessary to up the ante of their relationship; she wants dear 'ole FM to meet the rubber snake and get a colonoscopy. I wasn't with FM when the doc told him this but I could almost feel my own sphincter clenching up with sympathetic fear and dread. I agree that it's a great idea for him to go through the procedure because the evil "C" takes no prisoners. However, I could also see his point in that the idea of a tiny video camera getting snaked up your rectum, with several people in the room enjoying your anal experience in 3-D, is just a little wrong and unnerving. He really wasn't that interested in solidifying a solid and long lasting relationship with his doctor, but he agreed to do the procedure nonetheless.

The doc also mentioned that it would be a good idea for FM to go through an endoscopy as well, due to some stomach irritation and random bouts of projectile vomiting he had been experiencing. FM was reluctant at first but then the bargain shopper kicked in to help him clarify the situation. He asked the doc if a problem was located in either end, if they could go ahead and just fix it then and there, even if his sedation was only mild. He figured that he might get a two for one deal rather than having to take time out for further treatments and God forbid more surgeries. Of course, she told him that this was probably not going to happen and I had to chuckle, reminding him that you really shouldn't look for good deals when your dealing with someone who wants to stick something down your throat and up your anus. What happens if the bargain is made with the tubing? Certainly you'd hope that the throat video came first rather than vice versa.

I attempted to counsel FM by telling him that I've known several people who have went through this procedure and they have professed that the worst part about the whole thing is the super turbo laxative workout you do the day before. The doctor evidently wants your little sphincter and colon so clean that he or she could practically serve a four course dinner on it, with perhaps room for dessert. I told FM that this wasn't such a big deal and that he could just look forward to losing enough water weight that he might once again fit into that banana hammock he was so fond of - that is of course, as long as he could tuck the hemmies in that he was surely to aggravate with the powerful screaming colon cleanse. With that thought, he seemed to settle down just a bit and settled into the notion that he was going to be subjected to what a muppet feels like on a daily basis. And the fact that he won't be able to trust his farts for at least a few days.

The countdown to the big Roto Rooter draining cleaning event is slated for the mid part of March and FM is slowly getting used to the idea that for at least a couple of hours, his colon and upper GI will be the hit of the party. No, Katie Couric won't be there to tape his monumentous occasion, but FM promised that he'd ask for a personal copy of the tape to show at his next football party. In all seriousness, I'm glad that he's having this done because following lung cancer, colorectal cancer is the second leading cause of cancer death in the US. By "ass"king the right questions, "ass"uming he's doing the right thing, and simply "ass"cending into a state of personal awaren"ass", he's helping to lower those statistics. Yes, I had to throw some Jim Carrey via Ace Ventura potty humor, *butt* why wouldn't I? :o)

Posted by Mommazilla at 09:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As I walked through my kitchen today, I noticed a red lid lying on the floor. I picked it up to investigate it's source and realized it was from the raisin box I had bought last week for Gunny. He loves raisins and I relish the fact that he considers these little wingless flies to be as good as candy. It's a win-win for both mommy and son.

As I continued my adventure through the kitchen, I called out to Gunny asking him where the raisin container was at. His reply was a shoulder shrug and a, "I dunno, Momma."

As I walked into the livingroom, I found the raisins.

Besides the little bits of wood he had collected, raisins evidently make the best life-size boulders for monster trucks and heavy equipment. I'm going to let him play for awhile, but then back into the container they go; cat hair, dirt, and wood debris included. It's extra protein, right?

Posted by Mommazilla at 02:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I just got my laptop back from the shop and I'm finding it to still be acting wonky. Because of this, I've had to sit on this story for a week and it's been killing me with anticipation. I was so badly traumatized by this amphibious incident that I had to share.

It all began about a week or so again when my kids visited their grandparents in Rio Dell. By their house is a swampy area known to harbor many types of creepy crawly things. My kids totally scored by finding a large frog - a frog so big in fact, that Taters swore it could eat our kittens. My orders, just prior to going to bed from a long graveyard shift, were simple; do not bring it home.

At about three in the afternoon, I was woken up to the sound of my bedroom door opening and incessant shooshing and giggling. Hubby and the three kids walked in and softly called my name. I ducked back under the covers because I wasn't ready to face the world of daylight. I should have just stayed there.

As Hubby pulled the covers back, I saw that he had a coffee can with a large hole poked in the lid. I believe you can call this a "clue." I ducked back under the covers. I knew something was up and the size of that container's air hole worried me just a tad. I was not interested in meeting what the can had in it and I announced my distaste, again, of anything creepy, crawly, slimy or jumpy. I received snickers for my protests.

The three kids and grinning Hubby assured me that what they brought home was so awesome, I would surely thank them in the end. I highly doubted it but poked my head out of the comforter anyway. Seeing the whites of my eyes caused Hubby to remove the lid. This is what greeted me:

Hey baby, why dontcha give me a smooch and I'll prove what a prince I can be. Muah. How could you refuse these biceps?

It slowly crawled out the bucket and I proceeded to shriek then scream. I screamed for my friggin' life and the life of my kittens. The damn thing was so big that it probably would have eaten Gunny should he have held still long enough. The beast slithered on out of the can and continued my torment. It also did a few push-ups on it's way out, I'm sure in an attempt to impress me. Sorry horny toad, it did nothing for me:

Come on, baby, you can't tell me you don't likey the pecs on this manimal.

No muscled flexing or winking was going to get a smooch out of me. I already had three princes in my life; I didn't need another one. Sensing rejection, he paused for a moment to contemplate life.

Ya hurt me, baby. Who am I gonna share my warts with now? Not too mention that special sauce I ooze from my back.

I took it as an impending threat to jump and promptly hid again underneath the covers, still screaming. He accepted his romantic defeat and proceeded to crawl up Hubby's arm. Maybe Taters would give him a chance?

Get me outta here. This biotch is crazy! The screaming is making me wanna ooze. Ribbit.

As I screamed for my family to get the *&*% out of my room and to take their monster with them, my lovely children grinned devilishly and stood their ground. Hubby finally took pity on my raspy voice and ordered the kiddos outside with the beast. After a brief conversation, the beast was turned loose in a nearby creek to forever live his days in murky happiness and possibly find his own warty princess.

Posted by Mommazilla at 08:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

We had an interesting this weekend, mainly in part to the gorgeous weather Mother Nature provided us with. It all started early on Saturday morning when Hubby got a chance to go on his first ever turkey hunting trip. He bagged a very handsome gobbler that will feed us well on Easter. I took lots of pics of him doing burlesque type poses with the gorgeous feathers, but you'll just have to believe me since my POS Dell is still in the shop and I can't upload photos. He explained to me that it was quite challenging to actually call the turkeys in. Evidently, they don't answer to "gobble, gobble" and they have excellent eyesight and hearing. He even had camoflauge socks on, so cute! Err, I mean handsome. Cute is not a good hunting word, or so I've been informed.

On Saturday afternoon, C-dub had his very first coach pitch practice game. Again, I took lots of pics but they will probably forever live on my camera since my worthless, POS, I hate Dell, computer is living with another man. A man who will hopefully perform a miracle and save my pictures. I guess there was a reason I bought the external hard drive. Too bad I wasn't smart enough to use it.

After the game, I took the kids to the park playground and let them burn up some pent-up energy. All was well until tweaker Granny showed up with her red plastic cup. I dunno 'bout you, but whenever I see someone packing around a plastic cup at the park on a beautiful sunny day, I tend to think the person might be enjoying a Beverly rather than a glass of Kool-Aid. Once she stood near me, my suspicions were correct and I realized that Granny was lit to high heaven. Thankfully, the little gal she was ever so carefully instructing on proper slide technique, had other adults there to care for her.

While watching my kiddos, tweaker drunk Granny called over to her lazy lover, tweaker drunk Grandpa. Tweaker drunk Grandpa also instructed the little gal on how to properly use the playground equipment, in a painfully, deliberate, complete with speech slurred sorta way.

Finally, the Grandparents of the Year decided to leave and I watched them walk off towards the street. I hoped beyond hopes they had walked to the park rather than drove, but amazingly enough, I saw them stop at a little truck and open the door. They were planning on driving away. While I dialed the police on my cell phone, I watched as tweaker drunk Grandma first climbed in the driver's seat. Realizing she'd be better to let the drunker of the two drive, she slid to the middle and left tweaker drunk Grandpa take over the helm of their ride. As I provided pertinent information to the police, they drove off; right down the same street where hundereds of people had gathered to watch first baseball games, fly kites, have BBQ's and enjoy the beautiful weather. Like I've said before, what a pair of asshats.

I dunno if the police ever caught them, but I sure hope they did. I can't stand drunk drivers and will always do my part to protect my family and community. I hope you'd do the same in a situation like that.

How as your weekend? What was the weather like in your neck of the woods?

Posted by Mommazilla at 07:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Check it out here. I feel terrible for that little girl. When they catch that sperm donor, I hope karma has found him first. What an asshat.

Posted by Mommazilla at 03:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I know I'm late in putting this out, but today is designated as World Autism Awareness Day. Autism is a neurobiological disorder that affects 1 in 150 children, almost 1.5 million Americans. I have several friends and family members who have autistic children. Watching and knowing these families has shown me how difficult and blessed life can be with an autistic child. They truly are little miracles, capable do doing anything they set their incredible minds to.

I encourage anyone reading this posting to show your support and donate anyway possible. Whether it be time or money, or just spreading the word of autism awareness, it will take all of us to discover a cure.

Posted by Mommazilla at 03:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I'm hoping this notice was in the jest of April Fools', but just in case you're an out of work, experienced vampire hunter, I have an ad for you. In today's T-S "Help Wanted" ads, it reads:

Seeking Exp'd Vampire Hunters. Must have current vaccinations & weapons training. FT night shift. Benes avail. 441-0570 for more info.

I love it!!!

Posted by Mommazilla at 10:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Wow, and to think we weren't even trying. I can't believe #4 will be joining us in about seven months. My parents and in-laws don't even know yet, but I guess if they are reading today's posting, they'll figure it out.

It's so crazy, but I'm alreay having these funky cravings for Carl's Jr. hamburgers and hard liquor. I've also been watching old episodes of "Night Rider" and "Baywatch" non-stop. The prego hormones are even causing me to have that "Hooked on A Feeling" song stuck in my head - ooga chakka, ooga, ooga, ooga chakka!

It's going to be a crazy pregnancy. Wish me luck!

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Happy April Fool's Day! Remember, don't hassle the Hoff.

Posted by Mommazilla at 01:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)