After having watched Taterbug complete her first real school project, I feel as though I'm an expert on the subject of iguanas and school project parenting. Since I'm tired and my fingers hurt (you'll see why below), I can only form my thoughts in the shape of a carefully constructed list. Please forgive me as my brain is in meltdown mode:

1. School projects are expensive, even when you take a trip to the Dollar Tree. At least they had fake bugs and lizards and I was able to buy some Peeps to keep us going.

2. Let's face it; school projects equate parental homework. I think I was more stressed about this damn thing than she was. I even dreamed about iguanas and how we could accurately portray their life on construction paper. So sad.

3. Iguanas are bad parents. But, I think they may be onto something as they're forethought is amazing. Escaping the teenage years by leaving your eggs before the little leapin' lizards even hatch? Brilliant.

4. Iguanas are really soft and cuddly. At least that's what Taterbug says. She has been working on her dad to allow her to buy Juliette, the three foot iguana at the Fortuna Pet Shoppe.

5. Hot glue will melt your skin to the bone. There is a reason Martha Stewart keeps a bowl of ice water under her craft table. I used a cold Budweiser and it did the trick.

6. Iguana eggs taste like cheese. I don't know from personal experience but Taterbug swears it's true.

7. Hot glue melts Easter grass even in places you don't necessarily want it to (counter tops, fingertips, hair, etc.).

8. One glass of Dr. Pepper will keep a nine year old on task and bouncing around the table proclaiming, "THIS IS THE BEST PROJECT - EVER!!!!"

9. Did I mention that the Dollar Tree has four colors of Peeps? And yes, I ate them. ALL.

10. The Dollar Store does not have anything in stock that resembles cactus fruit. Thank goodness for an old box of Thanksgiving decorations and a lecture about imagination.

11. It is very hard to turn off your OCD when watching your child put together an assignment - especially if they are doing something crooked or just a tad bit off. I had to bite my lip and shut my mouth which I don't find to be the easiest thing to do. It is her project; not Mommy's project.

12. I now understand the feeling of relief. The project is complete and Taterbug is thrilled with the outcome. I'm excited to get my kitchen table and counter back.

I'm happy to say that we lived through her first project. I'm already having anxiety for the dreaded science experiment but I found a site that gave me some good ideas. I think I'm ready. Any suggestions?