I'm a people watcher. I get the opportunity to practice my skills each day when I pick up my kids from school. It's the only thing I have to look forward to after navigating the school parking lot and dealing with the ditsy parents who think they can drive, handle their children while chatting on their cell phone, and drink their mocha frappucino (hold the whip or they'll have to do extra laps in Fit Camp). My blood pressure seriously rises about 50 points in that parking lot and I have daily visions of driving a monster truck and running over their little fertility buses (a.k.a. mini vans).

Woohoo! Thanks for that. I feel much better now.

Anyway, back to the point of this posting and onto the reason behind my title. There are a couple of moms, in particular, I watch everyday. I just can't help myself. Why, you ask? Because they smile. All the freakin' time. Rain, wind, sleet or snow, their pearly whites will be exposed, molesting nearby eyeballs. It's like spooky Katie Holmes vacant smiles - robotic almost. *shudders*

No one smiles all the time unless (I've come up with my own three conclusions):

(A) They're heavily medicated.
(B) They're drunk.
(C) They're also dreaming of monster trucks and parking lot car crunching.

Seriously, Joker face, cut it out. Pollyanna, you're gonna make me blow chunks.

Perhaps I'm just jealous because I want what they're taking. Maybe they know something I don't and it's terribly entertaining for them to know this. Whatever the case, these ladies with the constant grin freak me the heck out. My inner voice screams out, "Stepford wife!", and I want to run away as fast as possible. You cannot be happy all the time - it's not physically possible - especially when you have children or a man in your life. 'Nuff said.

I've devised a childish plan to combat my feelings of insecurity when dealing with a smiler. Whenever one of the smilers glance my way, I frown. And not just a little frown but a big one like I'm in pain or I just lost my favorite monkey to a traveling circus. If anything, it makes me feel better and it causes the smiler to rethink her smile for just a moment. Or she just smiles bigger in an attempt to share her contagious smile.

You just can't win with a smiler. ;-)