A few days ago, Hubby and Taterbug struck up a deal allowing her to have two girlfriends over to spend the night. I had no part of the conversation as I knew I wouldn't be home due to a previous engagement and he would be forgoing the nine year old little girl slumber issue by himself. He foolishly agreed to her shenanigans and I quietly laughed to myself knowing all too well what he he had set himself up for.

When the night came, I said my goodbyes as the girls ran around the living room professing to maintain their elevated sugar levels through the use of Hawaiian punch and Papa Murphy's pizza. Hubby looked a little frazzled but C-dub promised to keep an eye on him and yell at the girls as necessary. Taterbug told me that she would call and give me regular spastic updates as they planned on being up all night and possibly well into the morning.

At about 11PM, my cell phone rang and I saw that it was the house calling. I figured it was Hubby calling to tell me that he had smartened up and was either (A) heavily drinking or (B) taking everyone home. Instead, I heard Taterbug's voice come on the line and she sounded a little strange.

Taterbug: Hi Mom, uh, it's me, Taters. What's a douche bag?
Mommazilla: I choked and then coughed. What?
Taterbug: A douche bag. What is it?
Mommazilla: Where the heck did you hear that?
Taterbug: On i-Carly. She called someone a douche bag and Daddy said you'd tell me what she meant.
Mommazilla: Well, Taters, it's a very rude name to call someone and I can't believe she said that on her show. Don't use that word, K? It's not nice.
Taterbug: I know it's not nice but what is it? Daddy said you'd tell me exactly what it is.
Mommazilla: Oh he did? Wow, that was nice of him to do that.

I'm seriously cursing that assmunch under my breath. I had no idea what to say to her. Let me begin by saying that "douche bag" is not a word I normally use as I understand it's connotation. Having had a grandma who was very conscious of her feminine health, I remember seeing that curious little critter regularly hanging in her shower. I only learned what it was for after my parents found my brother and I playing with it, pretending it was some sort of fireman's pack used to put out small fires.

Taterbug: Well, Mom, what is it?
Mommazilla: With my inner brain wheels cranking, I uttered words I never thought I'd eventually quote. Well Taters, when a woman feels "not so fresh" sometimes they use a special liquid on their, uh (did I seriously want to go the "vagina" route and open up that can of worms? Nope, I chickened out and kept it broad - very broad) potties, and the bag they keep this special liquid in is called a douche bag.
Taterbug: Silence and breathing. That's really gross Mom.
Mommazilla: Do you see now why it's not a nice name to call someone?
Taterbug: Yeah. I can't believe ladies really do that. Have you done that? Cuz, that's really gross and I never wanna see one of those things.
Mommazilla: Enough! Can I talk to your dad now?

By this time, I've finally relaxed after the initial shock of the call and I've started to laugh. Really laugh. Hubby was laughing too. He explained that the girls had been sitting on the couch, playing Taterbug's DS system. He heard Taterbug mutter, "douche bag," when she died on a game and quickly called her on it. When she questioned him further about it's meaning, he decided it would be the perfect thing for me to explain to her. It was certainly not the first nor last of embarrassing conversations I'm sure to have with my children. Hubby is doing the next one - even if it contains talk of girly parts or boobies.