Martha Freakin' Stewart entered my body today and possessed not only my heart and soul, but every stinkin' clean and freshly licked bowl in my house. Martha decided to get with the big "S" (Santa) and challenged me to a dessert feast that would make a chubby man, such as Santa Clause, blush. I'm sure the Safeway gal thought I was buying enough sugar, flour, milk, and cream to start my own bakery or at least prepare for the next nuclear war - but no, I was just stockpiling the necessary goodies to embark upon my wild trip into candy and cookie making ecstasy.

Let's just say I'm known. Yeah, that's right, I've gotta rep and I proudly live up to it every year. You heard it, I'm known as the divalicious goddess of the kitchen. People love being around me during the holidays. They have lustful, fanciful thoughts about what I can do for them with a little chocolate and caramel. Hmmm....yeah, my goodies are that tasty. Whether it be Sandi's Secret Caramel, Christmas Crack, homemade gooey Marshmallows, chewy Rice Crispie Treats or melt in your mouth World's Best Chocolate Chip Cookies - you are sure to be satisfied when we part company during the holidays.

Who knows what I was thinking today when I decided to tackle five different recipes with a helpful two year old and anxious six year old hot on my June Cleaver heels, but I didn't care. Maybe it was rum extract or perhaps it was the pure Madagascar vanilla I chugged periodically out of a silver plated pocket cask; I threw caution to the wind and flour on my face as I embarked upon a whirlwind of baking and boiling. I enlisted C-dub as my official "dumper" (he who dumps the ingredients in the bowl) and Gun-Gun was the Queen's taster (preventing the poisoning of our royal crew). When I dared to tread on C-dub's carefully manicured toes by dumping in some dry ingredients during one of his many bathroom trips, his reply to me was:

"Don't pour that stuff in without me. Cuz, I, uh, just wouldn't like you berry much if you did. 'K, Mom?" 'Nuff said. I did not even contemplate trying to sneak that one past him again. God forbid he didn't like me anymore.

When all was said and done, and the flour and butter had settled, only magnificence remained:

The happiest person of the day? The Queen's Taster, of course. And guess what? The little monster is still awake, and still rarin' to go at 11PM. No more cookies, Gunnah. Be sure to read his shirt - it's entirely fitting for today.