This is scary. I guess you really don't have any space landfills to hit up when you've got trash, but geesh people, just telling the public to be extra special careful for things falling from the sky on November 2nd, is ridiculous. They don't even know where it's going to hit and they've been tracking it.

This is from the article:

NASA expects up to 15 pieces of the tank to survive the searing hot temperatures of re-entry, ranging in size from about 1.4 ounces (40 grams) to nearly 40 pounds (17.5 kg).

"If anybody found a piece of anything on the ground Monday morning, I would hope they wouldn't get too close to it," Suffredini said.

Ok, I understand that they are studying it's pattern of landing on the Earth but good grief, it still bothers me that a chunk of 40 lb. potentially toxic waste could be landing in my front yard. Didn't we learn anything from "Joe Dirt"?!

Nevertheless, wear your special helmet on November 2nd and remind your children not to touch any burning objects they might find in your front yard. In the words of Chicken Little...

THE SKY IS FALLING!

Posted by Mommazilla at 08:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Have a wonderful Halloween!

Posted by Mommazilla at 03:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I've been making a conscious attempt to avoid McDonald's like the plague. Not just because the food is terrible for someone trying to get rid of some extra baggage, but it's getting expensive. My kids have protested but after a month, they've finally given up knowing that I wasn't going to give in. It's been a really good thing for my family's health and my my pocketbook. But it hurts. It hurts so bad.

Weakness set in today. I smelled the waft of french fries being cooked to delectable goodness. When I turned to fondly gaze upon our local Mickey D's, it's golden arches were seductively waving one shiny finger at me in a "come hither" gesture. Of course I complied. My greasy lover wanted me, needed me, and I fell under his voodoo love spell.

The good thing about McDonald's is that our local one has a nice playground. I don't feel as guilty letting the kids have a Happy Meal if I know they're gonna run part of it off prior to leaving. And since it no longer has a ball pit, I don't have to worry about them finding hypodermic needles, razor blades, vomit, or poisonous snakes.

When I pulled into the parking lot, the kids were so excited that they were chanting and screaming how wonderful their young, voluptuous, porcelain skinned, blue eyed mother was. Of course, I was humble about the whole situation and told them to quiet down and only profess their flattery when we were in the company of other mothers whom needed to be impressed. :-)

When we got to the playground, the kids hungrily ate their burgers and fries and slurped down the ever forbidden soda-pop. Am I the only one that uses this term? I hope not. After eating, they ran off to play with the other little snot-nosed punks (literally, it is the cold season) and proceeded to break glass with their high octave screaming.

Everything was going great until Taterbug came down the slide and marched over to me, obviously embarrassed. I asked her what had her panties in a bunch and after she lectured me for using such a weird phrase, informed me that Gunny had taken over the top portion of the play equipment. He was not allowing any children to utilize the top little playhut and he was yelling at them to, "Get out!" I assured Taterbug that he was probably just playing a game with the other kids and she looked at me sternly and replied:

"Mom, he's poopin'. That's why he won't let anybody up. He told that little girl over there to get out until he's done. I'm so embarrassed and I think I'm gonna puke 'cuz he smells so bad."

I sat there, quietly eating my fries and contemplating how to get him out of his sequestered prison without first causing his "load" to squish up his back and down his legs. Yes, he still wears a diaper, THANK GOD, but he's not a sweet little baby anymore. He poops like a man. I swear on this.

I called to Gunny to come down the slide and see me (as this was unfortunately the only way down) and received no reply. I looked up and could see him through the plastic window in the play area; his little face was red and sweaty and he had a look of determination.

I finally heard a stern little man child's voice say, "No Momma. I poopin'. Yeave me awone."

I gulped my soda and looked around to see if any of the other moms and grandmas had heard Gunny's proclamation. The snickers and smiles answered my question.

"Ok Gun. Just come down when you're done." I said as sweetly as possible.

"Alwight Momma." He grunted his reply. I was obviously ruining his mojo.

A short time later, I heard a couple of shrieks of, "What stinks so bad?!", and Gunny reappeared. None of the kids protested when I told them it was time to go and we quietly loaded into the car. On the way home, we had the sunroof open and all four windows down in a frantic way to ventilate out the smell. It was bad. Very bad.

I guess this will teach me to eat at McDonald's. Geesh.

Posted by Mommazilla at 04:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

I can't wait until November 4th. I feel like the current election has sucked all the marrow out of my old bones. I'm not sure what it is about this particular election because I've regularly voted since I earned the right to do so at the ripe old age of the "all knowing" 18. In this election, I feel like I'm so much more emotionally vested in the who's running and what propositions are being supported. I find myself taking it personal when I see friends supporting propositions I find extremely prejudicial and I worry when people just don't seem to care at all. It's your vote, why not be educated and use it?

It also seems to me that everyone involved in this year's election seem to be really hitting the public hard with TV commercials, internet ads, and radio announcements. You can't go anywhere without hearing some sort of propaganda. It's been especially interesting having to explain different issues to Taterbug since she's old enough to be picking up on the fact that her mother is stressing out over voting decisions. And, she hears me silently cussing under my breath when particular threatening commercials come on. I won't even delve into their content but they piss me off. She catches this and reminds me to breathe. In with the good, out with the bad...Woooossssshhhhhhawwww...

I really don't enjoy arguing about politics because I find that I have my own set of views and I get entirely too frustrated trying to speak with someone who is on the opposite end of the spectrum from my views. I guess that's what makes America a great place to live because we all can have these different views without fear of retribution - normally. Notice I said normally because I have been reading about people having sign wars with criminals who enjoying vandalizing personal property in other to try and further their cause. You can't prove your point through violence, hate, or threats - especially if you are breaking the law during the process.

In conclusion, I've already voted via the Absentee Ballot System and I encourage you to do so also (vote, that is). Whatever your views, don't waste your vote by not using it. You'll have nothing to complain about if you don't let your voice be heard through the use of the election process.

Posted by Mommazilla at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Gunny and I are currently being held hostage in our home by a one-horned goat from Hell. Yes, Chico has returned and he's evidently pretty pissed off about being given away. He's back with a vengeance and an appetite for destruction - just like Guns N' Roses back in '87.

I swear I heard him bleating these lyrics:

Welcome to the jungle
It gets worse here everyday
Ya learn ta live like an animal
In the jungle where we play
If you got a hunger for what you see
You'll take it eventually
You can have anything you want
But you better not take it from me

I hear him, pacing back and forth on my front porch, knocking on my front door with his one horn, and attacking the Halloween decorations. He's gonna kill my beautiful scarecrow and not even bat an eye about the mayhem he's causing.

Chico arrived back in our yard last night and made his presence known as I walked out to my car to go to photo class. I actually ran, because once he saw me, he did this funky sideways buck and threw his head back clearly exposing that crazy eye he has. You wanna see it? Are you really sure? Don't look into it too long or he may take it as a challenge and attack:

For those of you not familiar with this beast, check out this posting for a complete explanation of how the albino demon was born. Followed by this posting of how we ended up finding out he's the devil in a white fur coat.

When I think about it, having Chico back has given me some opportunity to reminisce about things, like:

The joys of a clean front porch...

Beautiful rose bushes...

Happy chickens...

Scary Jack O' Lanterns...

None of these I have any more - hence my reminiscing.

I tried to make friends with Chico this morning by offering him some bread and a handful of baby carrots. I apologized profusely and reminded him that his new home was wonderful and he was obviously benefiting from the new diet judging by his voluptuous figure. Rut roh, he didn't like that comment so much. I guess even goats get insulted about their weight. He then came after me with the crazy eye:

Yeeeeeouchhhhh! And he connects!

I'm not a violent person and I don't like to hurt anything but he's made me resort to obtaining a weapon to defend myself and family:

That's right, Cheeks, I have a garden hose filled with the chilliest of well water, and I'm not afraid to use it.

I'm Dirty Harriet, "You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?"

I think his luck has just ran out.

Posted by Mommazilla at 09:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Our little butterfly buddies hatched (yesterday and today) and we released them this afternoon. I wasn't quite sure how they would hatch since I'm familiar with how chicks and ducklings hatch out of normal size eggs. The butterflies actually hatched really fast and I was surprised at how much blood (or at least red goo) came out of the chrysalis. It was a really neat experience and the kids enjoyed it.

If you're interested in trying to be a foster butterfly parent, here's the link to the kit we bought. You get the special enclosure and a then send off for the caterpillars.

Here's some pics of the grand release celebration:

And of course, C-dub is learning the fine art of terrorizing your older sister. She had no clue he was behind her throwing as many rabbit ears as possible:

Posted by Mommazilla at 02:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I used to be your biggest fan. I even fudged the results in the great Coke/Pepsi challenge because I wanted you to win. I knew your delicious taste right away, even though secretly, I thought the Coke tasted better during the test. But I'd never admit that to you. I didn't want to hurt your syrupy carbonated feelings.

But alas, I am very pained to say that I am ending our love affair over your new packaging. Why, oh why, would you switch to an eight pack? I love you so much that I drink you very often. Your high levels of caffeine and sugar make the world a better place. Why are you taking four of these joyful cans away from me? It's just wrong and I'm torked, hurt even.

I did an unofficial poll with my fellow Pepsi drinking friends and they are also upset at your new packaging. Why? Just why are you torturing your loyal drinkers? Is it to save money? Because now I'll just have to spend extra money on gas to drive back to the store. Is is because refrigerators are shrinking? Mine looks the same.

I should let you know there was an angry mob forming in the beverage aisle last night at Safeway. They were heading to the shovels, mops and caustic chemical aisle when I left. You might want to lay low for awhile. They were even chanting over and over:

We want a 12-pack not a dinky 8 -pack!

It was ugly.

Whatever the reason, please say this change won't be forever. I can't take drinking Coke that long.

Sincerely,

Your Ex-Biggest Fan

Posted by Mommazilla at 10:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Did you feel them?

Posted by Mommazilla at 05:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Walmart.com currently has a few games listed for two for $30. They have eight different games to choose from and some of them actually look pretty good. Happy shopping!

Posted by Mommazilla at 03:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Check here. I found a few family members who are now $40 richer. Not too shabby.

Posted by Mommazilla at 04:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

My ovaries have been hurting for awhile; hence the chicks, ducklings, borrowed kittehs and now baby butterflies. Hubby still hasn't gotten over the shock of having a Gunny and doesn't want to tempt fate with a fourth little monster. He's slowly coming around to the idea that I want another baby but I think he's secretly hoping that the numerous critters we collect will pacify my ever ticking biological clock.

Sorry babe - tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock...it's still clicking away.

Our newest critters (Painted Lady butterflies) are due in a couple of days. It's been pretty neat watching them as caterpillars and then each form into a chrysalis. I'm excited to see them hatch but even more excited to know that I won't be cleaning any crappy cages or chasing the little monsters at night to get them caged. It's the little things in life that I'm thankful for - even if I'm usually the one creating my own headaches.

Posted by Mommazilla at 09:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

My BFF Sandruh stopped by awhile back, to drop off some books and chit-chat. Before she came over, I begged and pleaded for her to bring her daughter so that I could take a couple of pictures. She has a beautiful little girl and I wanted some practice. Selfish I know, but persistence paid off and she brought Joey over.

Gunny loves Joey, even though he can never remember her name and just calls her "widdle gewl" or "hey yew." He followed her around during the picture taking and promptly lined up to give his best "cheese!" when I asked her to smile.

I don't know about you, but a skeleton shirt doesn't exactly go with a gorgeous little girl. And my gosh, my kid is a pale little Swede. He and I need to hit the tanning salon.

Here's one of my favorites:

Her Gap winning pose:

And a final close-up of the cutie:

Thanks again Sandruh and Joey! I look forward to the wedding :-).

Posted by Mommazilla at 09:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

He's gonna need some visitors...

Posted by Mommazilla at 09:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Freshly stolen from the 'Net:

You Know You (or your kids) Grew Up In the 80's If:

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE.
2. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton
3. You know that 'WOAH' comes from Joey on Blossom
4. If you ever watched 'Fraggle Rock'
5. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
6. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
7. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
8. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
9. You played the game 'MASH'(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
10. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
11. You know the profound meaning of ' WAX ON , WAX OFF'
12. You wanted to be a Goonie.
13. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (Some of us...head-to-toe)
14. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like
before his nose fell off, his cheeks shifted and his nationality became questionable.
15. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
16. You took lunch boxes to school...and traded Garbage Pail Kids in the schoolyard.
17. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
18. You still get the urge to say 'NOT' after every sentence.
19. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
21. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
22. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying 'I know you are, but what am I?'
23. You remember 'I've fallen and I can't get up'
24. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
25. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
26. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
27. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.
28. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
29. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
30. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool... and don't even flinch when people refer to them as 'NKOTB' * FOR THE RECORD - THEY ARE STILL FRIGGIN' COOL! *
31. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on 'Saved By The Bell,' The ORIGINAL class.
32. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
33. You just sang those words to yourself.
34. You still sing 'We are the World'
35. You tight rolled or french cuffed your jeans. And still debate on which is the right term!
36. You owned a bannana clip.
37. You remember 'Where's the Beef?'
38. You used to (and probably still do) say 'What you talkin' 'bout Willis?'
39. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!
40. Your hair looked like this for at least 1 school picture!

Do you have anymore to add?

Posted by Mommazilla at 11:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I'm going to start watching if they have dancers like this every week!

Posted by Mommazilla at 07:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Are you bored? Do you have some extra time on your hands? Then check-out this site:

Yearbook Yourself

It will provide hours of mindless fun, insane tear producing laughing, and possibly even some urine leakage if you have issues. Here's some samples:

Uncle R as shown on 90210:

Uncle R as Dirk Diggler:

Uncle R in Stayin' Alive:

Sandruh via - well, this is actually how she wore her hair when I met her:

Sandruh rockin' the short do:

Sandruh Dee:

And finally, one that doesn't look too bad:

Posted by Mommazilla at 01:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

There is a Woot Off today. If you're not familiar with Woot, check it out. They typically list one product a day at a very good price. On Woot Off days, they list a product and then as soon as it sells out, they list another, and another. What you want to get is the BOC (Bag 'o Crap). This is some random item that Woot will send you for really cheap. You don't get to pick it, but that's the fun of it. It's like paying $5 for a really nice grab bag of whatever. Check it out if you get a chance.

Posted by Mommazilla at 08:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I'm still having withdrawals from the NKOTB concert. My sleep has been invaded by the infamous picture of Donnie that Aunt D took. Anyhoo, I'm slowly getting my house back in order and today consisted of a bazillion loads of laundry. During my last load, I was trying to multi-task by cooking taco meat in between taking clean clothes into my bedroom to fold. This left an open dryer door and the perfect opportunity for the Dryer Monster to surface.

If I don't make eye contact, she won't see me... Works for the raccoons, right?

What'dya mean I gotta get out? I don't wanna! You neber get me outta hewe!!!

But if I smile like this and say cheese, will it buy me a coupla more minutes?

Can I do it again? Pweeezeeee?!

And yes, before I get the lecture, I do realize that this is not the safest thing for a kid to do and now that I know he likes it, I'll be all the more careful. However, he gets his love of front loading dryers honestly. I remember as a little kid going to the laundromat with my mom to wash sleeping bags (after a camping trip). The washers and dryers were HUGE and my little body fit perfectly into the, much to the dismay of my mom, who more than likely had the same hidden smile on her face that I did today.

Posted by Mommazilla at 06:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

You just can't beat a preggo gal rappin' about Caribou Barbie. Priceless!

Posted by Mommazilla at 07:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

This is funny. I just wish they'd do one for each of the candidates.

Posted by Mommazilla at 03:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

If you're a sex offender in Maryland, you might want to think twice before going out and buying some candy corn for trick-or-treaters. You're getting this sign instead:

About 1,200 violent and child-sex predators received these signs in the mail and were threatened with a parole violation if they did not properly post them on their front doors for Halloween. The offenders were further told not to answer their door on Halloween night, to turn off their lights, and to just stay at home.

Here's the original story if you'd like to take a gander.

I'm glad they are doing this and I hope California eventually catches onto something similar. I know the sex registrants are none to happy with this program and I can see their point. However, my personal belief is once you're an offender, you're always an offender. You took something from a child that they will never get back so why should you be allowed to live a normal life? Too bad, I have zero sympathy for people that hurt kids.

I remember as a kid my mom would just drop my brother and I off in populated neighborhoods on Halloween night. We'd collect our booty and then meet up with her and the old Ford Granada to go tackle the next neighborhood. We never knew the people giving us candy and we usually ate all of it without a second thought, or even an x-ray. It was just a different time and we were certainly way more trusting of our fellow man than we are now.

My kids are young enough that we can still get away with only taking them to friends and family. The jaunt across the Eel River Valley alone, takes up most our night. However, as they get older I know they are not going to want Mom and Dad trudging around with them so we'll have a quandry. I'm not sure what we are going to do but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. It's just a sad thing that such a simple thing as trick-or-treating has become a parental dilemma for people like you and me.

Posted by Mommazilla at 09:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

After walking about a bazillion miles in Vegas, Sandruh, Aunt D, Tif and I finally got ready to celebrate with five of the most important men in our lives; Donnie, Jordan, Joey, Danny, and Jonathan. The concert was going to be held in the Mandalay Bay which is conveniently located right next door to the Luxor - in fact, it's connected.

On our way to the concert, we thought we'd stop and grab a quick bite to eat at the Daiquiri Bar. Not wanting a heavy dinner, we settled on three rounds of cherry jello shots. We followed up this fruity sustenance with popcorn and warm $8 Budweiser, once we got to the Mandalay Bay Event Center. Yes, $8 for one cup of warm beer - with a straw. I think I could buy a case of Natural Ice for that.

After consuming our healthy meal we found our way to our seats. We actually had a pretty clear view of the stage and our noses didn't even threaten to bleed when we sat down. Aunt D and Tif promptly pulled out their smuggled cameras and made ready for the show while I sat in envy as I was cameraless. There was no way I could have snuck my huge camera in. For one thing, the guilt on my face would have said it all and honestly, my clothes were way too snug to afford any funky looking lumps.

Speaking of clothes...my girlfriends and I decided that we must be getting old or we're just out of the fashion loop. For one thing, the new style promoted by many of the young women there consisted of long belted sweaters or shirts and no pants. I'm sorry, but just adding a belt to a shirt that barely covers your ass cheeks is hardly a dress. And no, the hooker heels and J-lo hoop earrings do not make it that much more believable or less scandalous as an outfit. Remember, the NKOTB boyz are closer to my age - not 20 like you. That means they are more than likely starting to need their glasses and probably can't see your nasty little dress from the stage. Cover'em up ladies, those boyz are old enough to be your father!!

We sat through the opening acts of Lady Gaga and Natasha Beddingfield. Lady Gaga is a club/techno type of gal and I really didn't enjoy her singing or company. She wore white granny panties through her performance and on more than one occasion, I thought I saw an Adam's apple. It was just strange. On the other hand, I really enjoyed Natasha Beddingfield as I like some of her music and I could clearly see that she wasn't taping down any packages. I can't say the same for Lady Gaga.

While we enjoyed the opening music, our anticipation was slowly building....we could sense the presence of the boyz and the only way we were going to find relief was to see our men perform. Specifically, I needed to see Donnie, the man who would be my second husband should I choose to become a polygamist. Or maybe just a fling. Hell, I'd be happy for one torrid night - or just five minutes in a broom closet. I'm not picky.

When the time finally came for the men to make their move, the audience became a shrieking mass of hysterical women, myself included. I looked over at my girlfriends and we all had tears of joy running down our faces. But then again, it could have been the beer that I had been jostling around in excitement.

I couldn't believe the sudden flood of emotions that filled me when I saw them performing. I was so excited to be there, to see a band that I had loved since I was a preteen. I knew that as a young girl I would have given anything to see them in concert. Being there that night, with my girlfriends, just seemed to be too much. I was also feeling very motherly as I felt so proud of my boyz for returning to what they did best. In that moment, I just wanted them to succeed and keep singing.

I had to laugh at all the young girls also screaming their endearments at the boyz. These little gals were surely just out of diapers when NKOTB were originally popular, but you'd think they'd been listening forever. Let me tell ya ladies, unless you've wore hot pink spandex and an NKOTB long t-shirt complete with a studded leather belt, you don't know NKOTB. Put on three pairs of layered socks and acid-washed pegged jeans, watch their VHS concert fifty times in a day, and then we'll talk. Until then, your only a beginning fan; not a mature fan like us.

The concert was awesome and the music was the perfect mix of new and old alike. More than once, we broke into a spontaneous cabbage patch and a Roger Rabbit or two - which isn't easy in heels or with jello shots on board. I was very impressed that Jordan could still hit all the high notes - even more so than Joey who didn't tackle some of his early, high octave type songs. Donnie looked sexy but never once removed his ball cap, presumably because of his receding hairline. Danny still looked like a chimp but had tremendous muscles and dancing skills. Jonathan was very feminine and pretty looking, but looked so uncomfortable during the whole performance. I kind of felt bad for him because it didn't look like he was enjoying what he was doing. He smiled a couple of times but mostly he looked as though he was just concentrating hard on not crying. Weird.

Here's some pic's of my man smiling at me:

Here he is begging me to allow him to be my:

After I let him be my boyfriend, he demanded my attention because he wanted to show me something:

So I looked, and I'm really glad I did:

I then fainted and Sandruh had to buy another $8 beer, just to pour on me and wake me up. When I finally arose from my beauty sleep, the concert was over and I still felt giddy and drunk in the heavy emotions brought about by the concert.

The gals and I stayed out until about 3AM, and then called it a night after losing the rest of our money on the penny slots and pineapple mojitos. It was a great night and a fabulous conclusion to a wonderful trip. I can't thank my girlfriends enough for the wonderful weekend they gave me. It was a once in a lifetime experience and the memories will last me a lifetime. At least the memories I remember :-).

If you didn't get enough photos of the NKOTB concert, visit my friend Monica's blog. The lucky bum went to TWO of their concerts last week and got some awesome close-ups.

Posted by Mommazilla at 07:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I'm an amateur cake decorator. What this means is that I have a Craftsman cart loaded with tips, bags, and other tools I have no clue how to use. And the worst part? Most of them are still in their original packaging. Several years ago I did take a class with my mom and a friend at Michael's but those lessons have long since passed and I'm back at square one, just eating cake.

If you enjoy cake decorating or even just like eating cake, check out this site. I especially loved the baby bursting prego lady cake. Quite a classic design via the movie "Alien."

After seeing this site, you will have a new appreciation of what ends up on your celebration table.

Posted by Mommazilla at 05:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

When Saturday morning hit, Sandruh and I attempted to hide from the light as best we could due to the major headache and nausea we were both sporting. Aunt D and her BFF Tif (who had flown in on a separate flight) had booked a morning of pampering at a spa, so they quietly crept out of the room, leaving us a note where they knew we'd find it (in the bathroom). Neither Sandruh nor I are much into the spa scene because we knew it would be really hard to bet at a Craps Table while getting a massage. Not sure if that would work.

When 11AM hit, we both decided it was time to slap on some more make-up and chew some gum. Once we were somewhat prettified, I decided to take Sandruh out and show her Vegas. This was my fourth time visiting so I felt pretty confident in knowing what sights I thought she'd like to see.

We started our adventure at the south end of the strip, beginning at to the Excalibur, New York New York, and MGM Grand. We caught the monorail at the rear of the MGM ($12 for an all day pass) and rode it to Bally's and then hit the Bellagio, Caesar's Palace and the Paris Hotel. It was a lot of walking but we had a plan due to awakening taste buds and a growling tummy.

It was buffet or "buttfet" time. Sandruh heard that the Paris Hotel was ranked as one of the top buffets so we made it our mission to get there. After walking about 50 miles, we made it to the buffet, starving and cranky. The line to get in wrapped around about three miles and there was a guaranteed 45 minute wait. Thankfully enough, like an oasis in the Sahara, there was a scrumptious little man selling $5 Bloody Mary's across from the buffet. Since Sandruh looked sort of faint, I promptly walked over and bought her one, complete with the egg-sized green olive and celery. We devoured our cocktails in line and encouraged a man, whom was in Vegas for a banking conference, to also partake amongst the adult beverages. He told us that he wasn't even a drinker (yeah right) but I can tell you that it didn't take much convincing to get him drinking.

Lunch was all that and a bag of chips. There were about a dozen different stations of different food items: steak, salads, crab, shrimp, pasta, breakfast items (it was brunch time), pastries, cakes, cookies, veggies, breads, soups, and the list goes on and on. Unlike Hometown Buffet, everything tasted different and delicious. We ate and ate and ate some more. We ate like the old days at King's Table. It was gluttonous and divine. My stomach and lower intestines ached with the expectation of - oh, I won't even go there. I think you get my point of how friggin' good it all was.

After rolling out the door of the buffet, we then decided it was time to wander and gamble. We also discovered the lovely little adult slushy stops so it made our sightseeing a little more interesting to say the least. It also made toy buying at FAO Schwartz a ton of fun. I've never had to put a daiquiri down so I could closer inspect a Barbie doll. What a trip. This store even had the huge floor piano like the movie "Big." Sandruh refused to re-enact the scene from the movie and I couldn't convince the four year old playing on it to get off and let the big girls have a turn.

Here's what we did do:

Sandruh felt up Cleopatra:

We saw the Eiffel Tower:

Donnie and Marie waved:

I saw my picture on a moving van several times. Talk about unnerving:

Met a Caesar who enjoyed talking about himself in the third person. But good Lord, those yummy thighs made up for his enlarged ego:

We ended up wandering around through Caesar's Palace for about two hours because our sense of direction just wasn't where it should have been. The alcohol on board certainly did not help either. Aunt D kept texting and calling us because she was worried we had been kidnapped by porn producers or recruited into some sort of nudey show. But no such luck. We were just intoxicated tourists who couldn't find their way out of a paper bag.

We eventually made it back to the Luxor, just in time to get ready for the NKOTB concert. It was a long, fun day, but there was so much more to come...

Stay tuned. I have so much to tell you about the concert it deserved it's own posting!

Posted by Mommazilla at 10:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Well, I'm back and I already want to go back, so I guess that's the sign of a great trip, right? Hell yes! We had a FABULOUS time - I can't even begin to tell you how much fun we had. My liver does hurt a little bit (I guess that's natural when it's regenerating) and my head is a little foggy still - but memories and bits and pieces of the weekend are coming back to me. It was truly the perfect way to refresh our motherly bodies and we're already planning our next girlfriend weekend.

In order to keep my thoughts straight and my memories accurate, I've decided to break my original long and rambling post into days, so here is my version of a our Friday in Vegas, strictly for your viewing pleasure and enjoyment:

My BFF Sandruh and I drove down early to meet Aunt D at the Santa Rosa airport. It's a great airport to fly out of if you're heading to Vegas because the rates are decent and the airport is tiny. For us hick girls, it was much more comfortable than SFO or LAX.

When we got to the airport, Sandruh and I were a teeny bit nervous about the flight so Aunt D convinced us we needed these to ease our nerves:

Sandruh was a little apprehensive about drinking before noon but Aunt D assured her that due to the veggies and fruit in the drink, that she was actually having the equivalent of a salad. So she drank it and ate the celery for extra nourishment.

We also tried to eat a little lunch while we waited for our plane. I ordered a Caesar salad and got this:

Yes, a head of lettuce, cheese, dressing, and croutons complete with a little Nemo thrown on top. It still makes me want to barf just looking at the picture.

When our plane was ready to depart, Aunt D was quick to point out that we hadn't finished our drinks because she wanted us to stay hydrated - with liquor.

When we finally got on the plane, all was well and the flight was smooth to Vegas. We were able to quickly find our luggage and in the process, we think we saw the singer, Mary J. Blige. She looked a little skinny, had super big glasses on, and dressed a little skanky, so we're pretty sure it was her. We were starstruck and forgot to take a picture but she looked a little pissed off so she may have punched us. We played it safe and just ogled.

After we left the airport, we took a taxi to our hotel, the Luxor. That's the hotel shaped like a huge pyramid.

Here's a pic of the cool interior:

And here's where our room was up on the 15th floor:

The hotel used "inclinators" rather than "elevators" to get you to your room. You rode it just like you would an elevator but this thing moved you like the glass elevator on Charlie and The Chocolate Factory - sideways and at weird angles. Every time I rode it, I seriously felt like Gene Wilder looked in that movie. It was a bizarre feeling that made you feel hungover even if you hadn't been drinking. At least that's what the sober Aunt D told us.

Our room was awesome. Everyone tells you to skimp on the room because you never spend any time in it, but I just don't agree. We spent the extra moolah and got a room with a spa. It was shaped like a four-leaf clover and was the perfect size to hang out with your friends in, even if you happened to forget your swimsuit and had to wear things not meant to necessarily swim or bathe in. Sorry, no pics on that one.

After we got cleaned up, it was time for some fun. Aunt D had the great idea that we eat at a place called "Dick's Last Resort." This funky little restaurant is in the Excalibur. The food was good and the service was well, interesting. The waiters and waitresses acted like a bunch of smart asses and gave us a ton of crap for just about anything they could think of. The good thing was that they expected it in return so we gave our waitress a proper dose back. They'll also make you special little hats if get a little tipsy enough to make an ass out of yourself. We didn't get a hat (not that I would have wore one) but a couple next to us did:

They also like to collect bras for the bar. And Spanx. Yes, I thought that was a little weird also:

We offered to make a donation but they didn't except Playtex Cross Your Heart bras. Haters.

Dinner was tasty but the drinks were the hit. I guess they're all about cutting back on doing dishes because the waitress made us drink our beer with a straw, straight out of the pitcher. What an eco-friendly gal she was.

And another pretty one that belonged to Sandruh:

After dinner, we did a bit of sight seeing. We saw Elvis:

Sandruh and I became severely dehydrated and had to hit the Daiquiri Bar at the MGM Grand. What a lifesaver those things were for Sandruh. She was so thankful that she held both drinks to her heart:

Sandruh found a show she wanted to go to and it wasn't involving a comedian or tournament:

Sandruh also learned that if your seat is covered in water at the "Thunder From Down Under" show, it's probably not for a good reason. Sandruh also learned that the Aussie fireman does not care who he gets wet during his performance or if he's ruining a hairdo and make-up that took hours to perfect. Nor does he care if the women sitting underneath him are thoroughly disgusted with the combination of baby oil and warm water being poured on them, staining their pretty clothes. Sandruh will not be returning to such a nonsense show in the future - at least not without her umbrella. Methinks she'll leave these types of shows to the solo 60+ year old gals with long fake fingernails, beehive hairdo and a raspy cigarette smoker's voice. Not sayin' that she was exposed to any of the above. Nor was I.

Sometime during the night, we may have seen the guitarist "Flea" from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. But that was after a few drinks so we're not quite sure. It was right about the time we were pricing tattoos at the "Starlite Tattoo Parlor." Thank God we realized $550 for a NKOTB tattoo on the butt wasn't such a good deal.

Here's a couple more gratuitous shots of our sightseeing adventure:

We finally made it back to our room around 2:30 AM. I think. Check back in for installment number II, where I'll talk about my new husband, Donnie Wahlberg. Aunt D took a scrumptious shot of my new man you definitely don't want to miss.

Posted by Mommazilla at 08:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I'll be back Sunday night with lots of stories, photos, and probably a killer hangover. At this age, I don't hang so tough.

Posted by Mommazilla at 09:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

My Dearest Gump,

I can always count on you to leave me a comment - whether it be witty, wise, or just unnerving, you're always there like a bad cankersore. In honor of your upcoming birthday, I got you a cake, complete with a stripper. Yeah, I went all out on ya, 'cuz that's how much I care. Here's a picture to entice you since your birthday isn't technically until tomorrow. Don't worry, I told "Shim" how to find you:

Since you're such a hard guy to buy a present for, I really had to rack my brain and came up with a few ideas, well, actually images. I can't spare the change to actually buy you a present since the three dozen pair of lacy knickers for the NKOTB concert really put me in the hole. But it's the thought that counts, right?

Here's idea #1:

This print comes complete with a special saying and autograph from Homer. I thought you'd appreciate the sentiment.

And onto idea #2:

A gift card to Wal Mart for a new outfit.

Tremendous creativity was brought out on idea #3:

But, I know you're good with the 'puter, so I found this one and thought you'd might enjoy it.

And finally, my idea for your last present (and most feasible since I have the pieces and parts in my own backyard):

Just make sure to bleach the grill real good. And keep it either/or if you know what I mean. This shouldn't be used as a multi-tasking piece of equipment.

Happy Birthday Gump. You don't look a hair over 30 :-).

Posted by Mommazilla at 06:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

There was a horrific traffic accident yesterday on HWY 299. A little girl was killed as a result. She was only eight years old - the same age as my baby girl. When I first heard about this tragedy it hurt me to the core and I was instantly saddened. I don't even know the family but as a mom, I cried for her family and friends as they all lost a beautiful little person. I can't fathom the idea of losing any one of my kids like this.

I hesitate to even call this act of murder an accident, as two selfish drivers chose to race each other on this dangerous piece of highway. One of the bastards, driving a newer model silver Ford mustang with a black top, then "clipped" the little girl's vehicle, causing it to wreck and killing her. One of the selfish jerks crashed but the other coward, in the NEWER MODEL SILVER FORD MUSTANG WITH A BLACK TOP, fled from the scene presumably to go crawl back into the hole he or she originally came from.

The California Highway Patrol (707-268-2000) is asking for your help. They need to find this driver and vehicle. We all need to find it because this little girl needs justice. She could have been your daughter or mine. Give this family a start on closure by bringing this jerk to justice.

Again, they are looking for the following car:

NEWER MODEL SILVER FORD MUSTANG WITH A BLACK TOP. IT WILL POSSIBLY HAVE COLLISION DAMAGE.

Please help.

Posted by Mommazilla at 09:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Garbage Pail Kids, so very gross. I remember saving my money and my mom taking Uncle R and I down to the store so we could buy a couple of packs each week. For about fifty cents, you got several cards and a stick of super hard gum - and we freakin' loved them. Uncle R decorated his whole dresser set with the stickers and it cracks me up to see that old thing (still covered with stickers) now living in my dad's shop.

Another great product courtesy of the 80's.

Posted by Mommazilla at 09:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

When my Grandma was alive, every year Dad would take care of her fruit orchard, pruning the trees and giving her huge yard a summer makeover. In the process, he'd create a large pile of drying brush that we'd later turn into a huge bonfire on a Sunday morning. As my brother and I got older, we were allowed to be the bonfire "babysitters." This involved us getting short little willow twigs that we'd light and pretend to smoke when Mom and Dad weren't looking. Many a slug and snail were also cooked on these little twigs, much to the dismay our parents who weren't particuarly fond of crispy critters lying around the outskirts of the pile.

When the Sunday morning arrived and it was time to burn up our pile, my brother and I were ready. Unfortunately, the pile wasn't completely dry and Dad was having some trouble getting it started.

I remember Grandma mentioning that she had been cleaning out the attic and had some items we could use to get the fire going. Dad followed Grandma into the house and came back out carrying a large cardboard box. He growled at my brother and I to leave so that he could get the fire going. We protested, reminding him that we were professional fire starters and slug chefs. Our griping just bought us time in the old Chevy while he, my mom, and Grandma worked hard to get the fire lit.

We could see Dad slowly picking up what appeared to be magazines out of the cardboard box. He'd look briefly at each magazine and then toss it into the growing fire. I could have sworn that I sensed hesitation as he threw each magazine in, but I had no clue why he looked sort of sad as the flames ravaged the magazines.

A short time later, after the cardboard box was empty and the fire was raging, we were released from the captivity of the old Chevy and allowed to take our place back by the fire. My brother, who enjoyed the fire much more than I did, began poking the embers with his willow twig. As he did, large pieces of ash began to fly up exposing us to what had been printed on the magazines Dad had thrown in; vintage Playboy.

We saw boobies, butts, and various other body parts, drifting about in the air. My horndog brother would try and blow out the larger pieces of ash so that he could get a better glimpse of the forbidden fruit. Dad eventually took notice of my brother's excitement over the "fire" and had some quick words about leaving the fire alone to do its business. I think Mom just glared through the process and Grandma grinned, happy that she wasn't having to do any explaining.

On a side note, we did get the entire brushpile burned down that day. My poor Dad on the other hand, probably lost a fortune (and I'm sure several fond memories) in those vintage Playboys.

Posted by Mommazilla at 09:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Is the mud puddles. Actually, I love the rain and look forward to when the gloomy weather settles in and takes over Humboldt County. We have a beautiful wood stove that gets used throughout the winter and it truly creates such a cozy feel. Plus, it keeps the PG&E guy away since it cuts our bill in half when we avoid using our energy efficient forced air heater.

I'm not the only one in my family who loves what rain brings; so do my boys. Mud boggin' at it's finest, all in the comfort of our front yard.

As a little kid, I also loved the huge mud puddle that would form in front of our house every year. My brother and I (normally hacking with our seasonal case of bronchitis) would make mud angels in the street and see how far we could get with our bikes.

An even more special treat was during high water times when our grandma's ranch in Ferndale would flood. To an adult, this is a very tragic and scary thing, with a lot of hardwork to follow. To a kid, it's a great way to find awesome mud and get away with playing mud hockey on your grandma's hardwood floor. My brother and I would ride our BMX bikes all over the backroads of Ferndale, driving through foot deep water exposing ourself to the yuckiness of old flood water. Aww, those were the days. I wouldn't even think to allow my kiddos to do the same thing nowadays, but in the 80's life seemed to be a bit more simple, if not cleaner.

Do you like the rain? Or am I alone on this?

Posted by Mommazilla at 08:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I couldn't think of a more deserving person to finally have Karma bite him in the buns.

Posted by Mommazilla at 11:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I'm so excited...only nine more days and I'll be in the glitz and quasi-glamor of Las Vegas, watching my favorite childhood band shake their moneymakers; NKOTB. For those of you out of the know, that's New Kids on the Block: Adorable Joey, sexy Donnie, suave Jordan, rugged Danny, and the romantic Jonathan. I'm about ready to swoon just thinking about the newly divorced Donnie. He's always been my favorite and I'm planning on fighting Aunt Dina for his affections. * Sigh *

While I'm super stoked (I'm practicing my late 80's early 90's jargon) about the concert, I think I'm the most excited because this is the first girlfriend weekend I've had in over eight years. Hubby and I have escaped a handful of times but for the most part, wherever we go, the kids go and wherever I go, Hubby goes. Yeah, it can be such a pain in the butt to travel with kids but it's entirely worth it when we all end up having a good time.

I do have the mommy guilt settling in knowing that I'm going to be having a lot of fun while the little heathens are stuck at the house with Hubby. I'm telling myself over and over again that I deserve a break once in a while, but I still feel a teency weency guilty. Not enough to make me even considering staying home but it's there, simmering a bit. I think once the first adult beverage settles in, this guilt will be a thing of the past or at least tolerable.

An added bonus to this trip was that I just got to go shopping for some clothes other than mom jeans and muffin tops. It was strange buying lady like clothes that I didn't anticipate would be potentially puked or pooped on. Hubby liked the clothes and Taters asked to borrow them. Great, it's starting already.

Hubby asked me if I bought some sexy lacy panties to throw at NKOTB but I quickly came to the realization that I'm getting old when I replied, "Are you kidding me? Do you know how much I pay for good panties?" Plus, I'd hate to throw something that someone might mistake for a skinned out cheetah. It sucks gettin' old and a little fatter than my fourteen year old former self.

My girlfriends and I are still looking for something to do on Friday night in Vegas. Do you know of any good shows? Recommendations for the best slots? I'm all ears if you can throw me some suggestions.

Posted by Mommazilla at 12:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)