It has come to my attention that you are thoroughly enjoying the french prunes in my orchard. Yes, those little purple gems are delicious and sweet as candy. My little ones enjoy them as well. Just ask Gunny. He ate so many last week that he got the runs.

Anyhoo, dearest Yogi, I would respectfully ask you to abide by the signs I have lawfully placed around my property. They are posted for your protection and mine.

No, they were not originally met for you but for the little heathens who were stealing my fruit. However, I have found that you are way worse than those little schats. You're teeth are much bigger, you're claws are much sharper, and by far the worse part, you're incontinent.

Do you really have to steal from me and then rub in the fact that you did so by leaving me landmines in the orchard? Didn't Boo Boo or Ranger Smith teach you anything? Or did you leave landmines all over Jellystone Park? Good grief, Yogi, wear a diaper for crap's sake. Gunny about sank to his knees when he accidentally stepped on one of your "accidents."

And Yogi, don't think for a second that I didn't notice the treat you left us on the road. That was stinkin' rude and I think I may have popped a car tire when I hit it thinking it was an innocent, dry meadow muffin.

In summary, Yogi, I really like you and wish only the best for you. I just would like you to live your peaceful way of life outside the boundries of my orchard. Please don't eat my fruit and leave me gifts in return; it's just not proper. I would never do that in your forest haven - primarily because I like running water and have the luxury of opposable thumb usage. I would love to have a pleasant relationship with you as a neighbor but you have to remember to do your part.

Kthxbai?

Mommazilla