Ok men, here's your warning: This post is laced exclusively with the purest of estrogen and other girly unmentionables. You will lose at least 100 points on the scale of manliness should you decide to continue reading this posting. Consider yourself forewarned as I will accept no whining, bitching or moaning if I talk about things that make you feel uncomfortable or too in touch with you feminine side. Alrighty then?

I hate clothes shopping but the one garment I loathe purchasing is the bra. I have measured, cross-measured, used a ruler, sewing tape, and at one desperate point, utilized Hubby's finest Craftsman tape measurer. And yes, those things are cold and sharp; not a good combination on the sensitive tata area. I had even asked Hubby to help me but quickly found that he wasn't too much of a help. He was just mesmerized I was allowing him to get close to them without smacking his hand away or otherwise yelling at him.

I've read and re-read the instructions on how to properly measure yourself for a bra but find they are confusing and evidently do not apply to my girlish figure. I've also found that different sites have different ways to measure; add this to that, take away five and add ten, etc. It's so frickin' confusing.

Yes, I could swallow my pride and have a sassy Victoria's Secret employee measure the 'ol bosom, but I'm a tad shy and the smell alone of that store makes me think of a French whore. Not that I would know what a French whore smells like but you get the idea.

Ultimately, I'd hate to admit the fact that I'm not smart enough to figure out my correct bra size. It's boobs for chriminy's sake, not rocket science, people!

As I wander through life, clueless about my chesticular fortitude, I continue on ordering the same bra size I have done for years. Has my body changed over the past 10 years? Sure. Kids, age, and gravity tend to make things a little less perkier - ok, a lot less perkier than I'd like to see. I know I make the issue worse by ignoring Mother Nature in a vain attempt to fake my youthfulness.

Where am I going with this? Why do you need to know about my issues with my lovely lady lumps? I'm looking for help and in return I'll share some bargains with you. How do you measure for a bra? Do you have any good recommendations? How do I find a bra that both the twins and I equally love? Ok, we've hit TMI level but I think you know what I'm asking.

Now for some bargains... I love One Hanes Place. Great brand name bras at super good prices. You can use coupon code "607978" for 10% off your purchases over $50. Make sure you sign up for their newsletter and they'll send you coupons. Another great place is JCPenney. I was so sad when they closed the outlet store but their online store has an excellent outlet with great prices. They are even celebrating Labor Day with free shipping on orders over $49. You can also get 4% back with Ebates, when you shop here.

Ladies, help your busty buddy out with a little advice. I know I'm not alone in this abyss of bra misinformation.

In honor of this topic, I've included a theme song: