As I was dumping the potty chair out for the sixty millioneth time today, all the while dodging flying Hotwheels, I realized that I was not having a good day in parenting. I think I can speak for many moms and dads when I say we all have our off days as mommies and daddies; and today if one of them for me. I'm just done. I can't really put my finger on anyone reason but I think I can contribute it to three demanding little factors; Taterbug, C-dub and Gun-Gun.

I like being selfish to my own needs but for some reason, the kids just don't go along with this program. Is it too much to ask them to learn how to operate the burners of a stove or boil their own water? No, I didn't think so. Of course I'm joking but I'm seriously thinking of getting them their own Easybake ovens - it'll do the trick on their mac and cheese and it will buy me five more minutes of quiet time. You know, things just taste better when cooked by a light bulb and it is relatively safer than an open flame.

As I sit here hiding, typing and inhaling a piece of chocolate satin pie courtesy of Marie Callender, I do realize that I have days of parenting where I think, "My God! Where's the TV crew? This is some damn good parenting over here!" And then there are days like today where I'm thankful we live in the boondocks and our neighbors are accustomed to the yelling, screaming, and naked children running around our yard.

I think that I have more days of good rather than bad but lately it's been very trying due to the potty training process we have jumped cheeks first into. If you leave Gunny naked from the waist down, he will use the potty like there's no tomorrow. Like a bolt of lightning, he'll streak through the house screaming, "I gots tah pee, Momma!" and then promptly stand in front of the candy dish for his reward of schocolit once the deed is done. He's also been trying to help me out by dumping his own potty chair. Let's just say he's not too good with his aim and my bathroom floor is now spotless thanks to the number of wet mops it's received today.

I don't mind having a half-naked redneck child in my house, but I like to let the kids out to play and it's not that endearing to have your two year old peeing off the front deck of the house trying to hose down the chickens. It's just gross even if it is a little funny. I swear I'm raising a heathen. As long as he doesn't crap in his hand and throw it like the monkeys at the zoo, I think we'll be safe. Time will tell.

I love my kids, I really do, and I thank God each day I'm blessed with their dirty faced presence. I just get the occasional bouts of tiredness and frustration that come along with being a parent. It seems like the bouts have been lingering into one long year especially now that Gunny has hit his two's and seems to be enjoying the torture and reputation an age can bring.

What about you? How do you keep it together when you really don't want to? What kind of wine and sedative combination do you suggest?(!)

I child-proofed my home but they still keep getting in.