An Afternoon At The Cemetery
This might sound strange, but we spent a few hours at the cemetery today. It's tradition for my family to leave fresh flowers on my grandparent's graves around Memorial Day. With all recent comings and goings, we were just a tad bit late.
My kids have never been to a cemetery before and I thought that today might be a good day to introduce them. I gave them some brief rules; no running, no screaming, no knocking down headstones, no digging, and God forbid, if they find a bone, don't touch it. They agreed to my list of demands and quietly giggled to one another in the backseat of my parent's van. I could hear bits and pieces about the "Grim Reaper," "zombies," and "ghosts." I smiled at Hubby who was rolling his eyes.
When we pulled into the cemetery, the kids instantly became quiet and were in awe of the serene setting that it provided. I allowed my older two to walk around and look at the different headstones and to "meet" some of their older family members. They "met" my grandparents, great aunts and uncles, and even some of Hubby's family. I was really surprised to see how they reacted to some of the gravesites as I could see them doing the math and realizing that both babies and kids had their place in the cemetery.
They did great at staying along the paths and occasionally I could hear C-dub admonishing Taterbug for "stepping on a dead guy" when she wasn't careful to stay on the given path. They were quiet and respectful and each had a lot to say when it was finally time to go. I swear that they each grew up about 10 years during the time we were there and I was so proud of them.
I don't want my kids to fear death nor be scared of the unknown. At the same time, it's really hard for me to know when I'm telling my kiddos too much and then not enough. Recently, we've had many talks about life and death and it just doesn't get any easier for me to give good, solid explanations - especially when I'm dealing with the learning levels of a five and eight year old. I'm striving for a happy medium but I just don't think I'm there...yet.
Comments
I love genealogy and so my older boys have learned to love graveyards.
There is a dignity to a well cared cemetery that makes me almost rethink my plans to be cremated.
Posted by: kymk | May 28, 2008 10:11 PM
Cemeteries are so fascinating. The history. The architecture (if you can call headstones and mausoleums architecture). A good way to get kids used to visiting cemeteries is to do rubbings of designs on headstones. I remember seeing a family Father's Day picnic in a cemetery somewhere out Highway 36. I really like the Mexican tradition of celebrating WITH the dead...
Posted by: beachcomber | May 28, 2008 10:12 PM
I think it's great that they went with ya'll. Even when I was young, the cemetery seemed to put things in perspective...even if only for a fleeting minute. My mom always correlated the family members in the cemetery back to our family tree so I could how who was related to who. And you're doing just fine with that happy medium...anyone who reads your family stories can see that.
Posted by: Deanna | May 29, 2008 07:19 AM
Sis,
I have the most well adjusted grandkids known to mankind. You do a Mom and Grandmother proud. Thank you for being you and above all, always being there for me and your dad. Not to mention for Uncle R, he really loves his Sis.
MOM
Posted by: Darlene Flowers | May 29, 2008 02:20 PM
I LOVE that cemetary, its one of my favorite places to stop in Ferndale. I remember a few years back Auntie M and Mom took Karl there to visit the grandparents and it was his first time at a cemetary (he wa 20-ish). When they started digging up and pulling weeds and cleaning around the graves, he freaked out because he thought they would accidently dig up Grandma!! Good thing you started early with the kiddos...tho it is pretty fun to mess with kids about zombies. Maybe next time show them Night of the Living Dead before you go!
Posted by: Cousin Kath | May 29, 2008 05:44 PM
Good for you for taking them. And I'm glad they took it for the learning experience that it was and respected the experience.
A suggestion for you when teaching about life and death...there is an analogy we always use in our church to teach kids about dying. We liken the body to a glove and the spirit to the hand. We show how the spirit is free to move about but the body can only move when the spirit is in it. When one dies, (take the glove off the hand and lay down) the body goes to a grave. But the spirit still lives on (wiggling hand) and goes to heaven to live with God and (passed person) who is watching over you and waiting to meet you again some day.
That's the basic concept anyway. You get the idea. I've used it several times with children and it seems to be quite effective.
Posted by: Bridget | May 30, 2008 07:34 PM