to the *cougar* hunting Hubby at the Ray's Food Place. You gave him several looks, a couple of smiles, and perhaps even a wink or two. You practically made him feel naked in the middle of the Ethnic Foods aisle. With your beady little eyes burning a hole in his backside, he was forced to avoid any unnecessary bending, reaching, or flexing of the errant muscle. To make things worse, you then stalked him throughout the checkout line and then to the parking lot, where you continued your incessant smiling and flirting. You scared a grown man and made him feel dirty. He could see the old lady lust in the whites of your eyes and just for a moment, thought he was going to be dry humped right then and there in front of the cart corral. Thankfully, he was able to snap a quick picture of you, just before escaping in my car:

Come on! You must have looked so totally obvious for him to even notice that you were checking his goodies out. I mean, he's a man and one that's been out of the dating loop for 14+ years. Your pathetic attempts at flirting and seducing my hunk of burning love crack me up! Don'tcha know he's got three screaming kids and a bitchy wife waiting at home for him? Top all that off with a raging mortgage, noisy chickens and a pissed off one-horned goat...he couldn't be happier! And I tell him so everyday! You're happy, babe! We have a beautiful, loving, dysfunctional family! We may be a little crazy but it works for us! Here's a current picture of us with our oldest:

So go home, cougar, back to your little stinky den. Eat your Ben & Jerry's, watch that VHS of Dirty Dancing for the umpteenth time, and cry for the longing of the romance that never will be. I give you permission to salivate over the memory of my bodacious stud of a husband because memories are all that you'll have; I've got the real thing :o).

Remember, Hubby is not a:

And we don't support your kind around these parts!