I've had the week from Hell and the bastard followed me into the weekend. Schat hit the fan when I decided to play a rousing game of “catch that Humboldt crud and see how many of your munchkins can catch it at the same time.” I don't really feel that bad but the fever and lung bursting coughs beg to differ. I know that February is the month of love, but I truly don't enjoy being "ravaged" by the flu. A red runny nose and watery eyes are not sexy. You cannot think lustful thoughts with of wad of goobery Vick's Vapor Rub smeared across your chest and under your nose. I don't care if Monica on Friends made it look sexy to Chandler. It's just not right and the smell reminds me of old people.

Speaking of old people...not wanting to limit the fun one could have in a week, I took my life into my own hands by clicking on a link that someone had sent me involving one of my all time rock and roll heroes, Gene Simmons. But before I get into that, just FYI - I freakin' love KISS and Gene Simmons is my original "man in black." I just can't help but smile when I see him standing there, leather pants, six inch heels and a face full of paint that would make Bozo the clown melt with pride. I have kitchen magnets and a wonderful mug (his tongue is the handle *wink, wink*) that lay claim to my love of this man. I've read one of his books (took me an hour and then I ogled the pic's for at least three) and find him to be an interesting and lustful character, although just a teensy weensy bit arrogant.

On that note, yeah, I do realize he's old or at least a lot older than me – I wasn’t even a consideration to my mother and father at the time these guys rocked the eight track players. I got past this inconsequential fact by emphasizing his youth through all the junk I’ve collected and continue to collect. But when it comes to current times, I do have my standards. I refuse to watch his newest show (Family Jewels) because it has his two teenage children on it and it truly grossed me out that he spawned with another woman and almost became a family man. Oh the horror! The show also gave in detail his plight of plastic surgery which only confirmed to me the fact that he was getting old and not aging gracefully. Plus, when I did sneak a peak at that vile half hour, his lack of hair movement really freaked me out and he honestly kind of had some old man tendencies…I betcha he uses Vick’s Vapor Rub on a daily basis.

OK, OK, now back to the story of the link… I had heard rumors about their being an alleged “Gene Simmons” adult *ahem* tape and how underwhelming it actually was to see. One of my good friends sent me the link and I hesitated to even click on it. The link was a picture in itself, and the simple picture made me feel a little uneasy. Could it really be my little Genie? Could he be that nasty old grandpa character hovering menacingly over that little trashy blonde? Is he really that icky looking and is she wearing flip-flops for crap’s sake?! I battled my inner demons for at least a good 10 seconds and then I finally…clicked…the picture. It took me five seconds to realize that my dreams of a “studly” Genie-boy had quickly gone up in flames, along with my psyche. After slamming the computer shut and erasing my history and cookies (don’t want the hubby to know I was temporarily a perv), I quickly looked around for a bottle of bleach to pour into my ear. I was hoping that it would leak through my ear canal and cleanse my brain of every last picture etched into my frontal lobes. Thankfully, good sense washed over me and told me that might hurt a bit, so I stopped looking.

I was (and still am for that matter) seriously in disgust of Gene. This schatty video ruined the magical creature he had created (“The Demon”) and instead had replaced it with a yucky old man and what appeared to be a girl no older than his own daughter having corny relations – and yes, she was wearing wedge flip-flops which are totally trashy by anyone’s standards. I don’t know what I expected to see – maybe insane fireworks, acrobatics or even an occasional burst of fire from his ungodly mouth – but there was nothing. Nothing I tell yah, and that’s what made it too real. As a friend told me, he should have just waived his tongue around and everyone would have been rightfully impressed.

I later professed my guilt to hubby who could not stop cracking up at my disgust and enjoyed sharing my horror story with friends. I guess he’s not sensitive enough to realize that I just had an iconic crush ripped from my memory banks and was swapped with Grandpa Gene, the dirty old man. I know that I’ll never listen to my KISS Cd’s again, at least not without the unpleasant visions of bad porn running through my head. But, I’m going to force myself to be OK. Paul Stanley hasn’t come out with any videos yet and he kinda looked like Gene except he was taller, lankier, and overall, more girlified and sang better. So yeah, I’m going to try and swap out some memories for the sake of my sanity. Wish me luck ;o).