Until recently, I've never been too concerned about my weight, as I've given into the fact that I'm a happily married mom of three, and the stretch marks alone prevent me from even considering a bikini to be a wardrobe option. Aside from that, it would be an awful lot to ask of one piece of stretchy material and a couple pieces of nylon. The potential for catastrophe would be great; both to the general population and my psyche.

I recently stepped on the bathroom scale, primarily to move it out of the way with my foot but secretly to see what sort of extra poundage I was carrying on my formally petite frame. Being pleasantly unsurprised, I confirmed my suspicions that I had perhaps gained a few "issues" during the holiday season. All the cookies, cakes, brownies, ice cream and chocolately mochas, had gained the best of me, while adding at least an inch of blubber onto my butt. These “issues” were only compounded by the previous “issues” given to me by my darling children.

Flip forward to now; it’s been an excellent year full of changes and new beginnings. Because of this, I’ve decided to take a more active role in managing my health. I'd like to share three of the things I've been doing in the hopes of potentially inspiring those of you who are unsure about making that leap of faith into weight loss. My first step was working on portion control. Rather than eating an entire Reese’s Peanut Butter cup, I only eat the center or the outside portion. I then walk to the farthest garbage can and throw the cup wrapper away, in order to burn additional calories.

Another prime weight loss technique that I’m currently utilizing is walking. Should I choose to eat the occasional piece of cake or ice cream cone, I do so while walking around the living room, kitchen, etc. This way, calories are being burnt in the process and I’m actually facing a negative turnaround in calorie consumption.

My final weight loss secret is what I like to call “Calorie Holidays.” If I declare a special holiday (anniversary, birthday, first day of my period, yada, yada…) then I can determine the value of a calorie on that particular day. Most often on these declared holidays I can easily eat a 50 calorie slab of chocolate cake or a 25 calorie Snickers bar. It’s truly amazing to manage your own weight loss!

It’s also very nice that some local businesses are also helping in my quest for weight loss. I would like to thank Starbucks for their “skinny lattes.” I’m a huge fun of false happiness in a cup and Starbucks is my BFF because of this. Their skinny caramel latte, when pared with a 25 calorie Snickers bar, is a wonderful, quick breakfast that hits most of the major food groups (milk group, nut group, chocolate group…). It gives you boundless energy so that you can yell, run, and even scream at your children for at least two hours – not the one hour coverage that just a normal cup of coffee and a sugary donut provides. Again, not that I want to brag, but in actuality one is truly earning negative turnaround calorie consumption when eating such a breakfast and throwing a momma tantrum or partaking amongst a hissy fit.

I’d also like to comment on the powerful diuretic qualities that these little 16 ounce bundles of joy contain. If you are having problems with water retention; fear no more. The amazing water release combined with a squished mommy bladder guarantee that at least one gallon of urine will pass through your bladder within an hour of drinking this magical elixir. ** Please note that this powerful effect only seems to effect those women who have had their urinary tract system previously pummeled by little fetus feet and fists.

Remember, weight loss management is a beautiful, simplistic process, when done correctly and consistently. I'm sure if you take some of my advice, you will definately see a difference and be back into that favorite muffin top and matching polyester drawers in no time! Good luck!!

This blog was written under the superb guidance of professional body builders Uncle R and Ironman J. I would to thank them for their superb wisdom and willingness to wear spandex, knee high socks, and cut off t-shirts, much to the dismay of their fellow workout partners. They make uncomfortable straining, sweaty buttcracks, and strained hemmies look unbelieveably good and envious to the weaklings around them.