After being faced with a tremendous amount of mommy guilt over a failed play date, I promised Taterbug that I'd take her and a buddy to see the new Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus 3-D concert/movie. When C-dub heard this, he quietly professed to hubby that he thought Hannah/Miley was super duper cute, and asked to tag along. Not wanting to discourage his little boy crush, I told him he was more than welcome to hang out with mommy and the girls and wear the cool 3-D glasses.

I mentally prepared myself for a night of preteen angst and bubbly boy crazy songs by making sure my cell phone was charged and my I-Pod was ready with over 500 songs. After all, I was there to supervise three little monsters, not actually enjoy the movie. After a quick drive, we arrived at the movie and the girls were chatty and excited while C-dub played it cool, not wanting to look too interested in a "girl movie."

The first surprise of the night came in the form of the price. I about dropped my smuggled candy when I heard the clerk tell me it was $11 a person. He proudly explained that you also received complimentary souvenir 3-D glasses with your purchase. Whew! And I thought we were totally getting ripped off. After spending my children's diaper and milk money, we purchased additional garbage food and made our way to the theater.

Of course, the kiddos wanted to command the first row of seats in order to make the entire viewing experience as real as possible. I firmly placed my old lady shoe down explaining that the awesome 80's style 3-D glasses made me queasy enough; I didn't need a case of whiplash and ruptured eardrums to complete this already awesome night. So we took our seats at the very back of the theater (as you can probably guess, there were plenty of available seats - go figure) and I got the kids each situated; candy packages open, straws inserted in cups, and napkins ready to go on laps. C-dub, being the little gentleman, chose to sit right next to me and offer me a piece of candy. I grabbed the tiny sour globe and realized that it was already licked, by the time it hit my tongue. I asked C-dub if he had tried the one he gave me and his reply was, "Oops. It still tastes good, huh?"

As we settled into the previews, some latecomers walked into the theater. C-dub took his position as the unofficial usher and advised them very loudly that, "Hey! The movie aweady stawted! You're weally late ya know!" I shushed him and lowered myself into the seat, hoping that the mock Buddy Holly glasses would hide most of my face. Munching and crunching of popcorn ensued and then a slow paced "rat, tat, tat" sound shook the movie theater. C-dub had managed to spill an entire package of Sweet Tarts on his lap and couldn't stop laughing about what he had done. I salvaged a couple of the little spheres and placed them amongst the stale popcorn.

The movie then started and we all placed our glasses on. C-dub was first to notice the intense styling of our shades by loudly proclaiming that we all looked like "freaks!" I reminded my little angel that he too was wearing the glasses and I promptly took a goofy picture of him with my cell phone. I labeled it, "Hannah Sux," and texted it to hubby, whom I knew was sitting at home drinking some brews and enjoying a quiet house. Jerk.

The 3-D aspect of the movie was actually pretty cool and I found myself ducking streams of confetti, waiving fists, and the occasional moving microphone. About mid-way through, my tolerance level began to quickly dwindle and I was forced to again text hubby, proclaiming that I was suffering a slow death. He texted back that he'd make up for it and I just sunk lower in my seat. The kids again asked if they could venture down to the front row and I gave in, giving them the ok while I tried to entertain myself with a phone call to Uncle R. While Hannah/Miley sang, or rather screamed, I phoned Uncle R in a weak attempt to gain sympathy. C-dub arrived back at my seat about that time in order to retrieve his popcorn and loudly proclaimed in the phone that "Hannah sucks! She's tewable!" I ordered him back to his seat and Uncle R forced me back into mommy punishment by ending our phone call.

I checked the time on my phone and realized that it was only about five minutes since the last time I had checked. It was time for another text photo, but Hannah/Miley wasn't cooperating by giving me enough light to take a satisfactory cell phone photo. I sighed, placing the phone back into my pocket, while glancing down at the three kiddos in the front row. I could hear screaming that sounded very near and far fresher then on the movie screen. I took off my funky glasses and replaced them with my prescription granny focals, only to see my sweet little Taterbug and her buddy, standing up in the front row, dancing and screaming. They held imaginary lighters in their chubby little fists, wildly waving as if Hannah/Miley could see them and their devotion. All the while, C-dub is sitting in his seat, clapping and screaming, egging the girls on. The people sitting above the kiddos seemed to be amused by the Three Musketeers, but I was not. I marched myself down to the front row, after first taking off my 3-D lenses (in an attempt to save myself from broken bones), and threatened to do bodily harm to the next screamer who professed their love to Hannah/Miley.

After returning to my seat I realized that an hour has sailed by and that the movie would be ending shortly and my agony would soon be over. I took off my Corey Feldman glasses and placed them in my purse...after all, they cost me the additional $5 and I just knew that they might come in handy later on should I choose to rent this movie on DVD...NOT!

I then sat back and tried to think of some positives rather than just sulking in my misery. Hannah/Miley might be suffering from multiple personalities but at least she's not preggers with a studio exec's baby nor is she constantly suffering from a bloody nose due to a coke problem (no - I'm not talking about soda pop). She is actually a great role model for my daughter and I do appreciate her for that very reason. While Jamie Lynn Spears has forced me to cover the facts of life with Taterbug, Hannah/Miley has shown my daughter that you can be a strong willed girl with a slight lisp and bad wig, but that's ok, people love her that way. Plus, Hannah/Miley's dad is Billy Ray Cyrus and I certainly wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers. He has definitely grown from his mulleted Achy Brakey Heart days. He's turned into a DILF (think MILF, but add the daddy factor). Overall, it wasn't a terrible hour, 14 minutes, and 10 seconds but it was a challenging one. I at least made some huge mommy points and my kids think I'm that much cooler because I wore the glasses and rocked out to Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus, or whoever the Hell she is.

The real movie stars of the night...