If you've ever cruised a social networking site (Myspace, Facebook, etc.) then you're probably very familiar with the dilemma I've posed in this blog: social networking false advertising. I'm talking about the person who posts a wonderfully glamorous picture to entice the reader into their page, only to have the reader left stumped after looking at the rest of the photo album and reading the author's profile. Is this the same person? How old is that picture? Who the heck is sending me these messages and can they trace the ISP to my house?!

Uncle R and I have had numerous conversations about this topic and I've been faced with the uncomfortable situation of having to help him dump too many mendacious (I added a new word to my dictionary) women, since he normally can’t come up with any suitable words of ending type endearment. In order to rectify this situation, he and I have come up with a list of helpful hints to the new (and old) user of such social networking sites:

* Do not use your high school senior portrait unless you are truly still in high school. If you are over 20 years old, I can almost guarantee you that this sort of picture will peg you as a wishful thinker (liar). These photos might also be to your detriment in that the bangs that were cool in the 80's are not making a comeback.

* Do not use post pictures of your last drunken stupor (also probably taken in high school). Remember, only a drunk thinks a drunk looks good. Vomit, drool and urine stained jeans are never a good sign nor do they scream sexy.

* If you have children with a questionable person, make sure that you're significant other has a signed note on file indicating that they approve of you dating, so that a potential restraining order can be averted. A "Baby's Daddy" permission slip, if you will. It can be easily posted in the "Interests" section.

* In order to verify age of photography authenticity, hold up a current paper, with the date clearly showing, next to your cheery, un-Photoshopped face. Any age is fine, as long as your truthful about it.

* On the topic of Photoshop, any pictures altered with this program must show a before and after, with a date.

* When using programs such as Myspace, post urinalysis results indicting negative drug usage at time of profile formation, directly under the "current mood."

* Under the urinalysis results, a DNA swab results section would be extremely helpful in verifying that your family tree does in fact branch appropriately. You can link to this in your "I'd like to meet" section.

* Finally, a complete health work-up (including a battery of STD tests) and a wrinkle count by a licensed dermatologist, to be posted in your "About Me" section.

The above recommendations are only a sampling of requirements we feel are necessary for these sites and should be mandatory for all users, male or female. It's not that we don't support the occasional cougar or milfalicious female, but at least make life fair in the playing field and do not promote the spreading of fictitious information. Uncle R is the epitome of cougar bait, and has several friends that are as well. Please help them by helping yourselves; support truth telling in all online communities.