The Bully Pulpit: The $10 cure

Wait one cotton-pickin' second. Some Bolshevik in Eureka wants to make it so that the lowliest wage earner in Eureka walks out the door with a ten spot for every measley hour he works behind the counter? Said communist grumbles something about a livable wage for working families and adds that such an initiative could help drum up interest in the November election.

Let's analyze this: The working world should be survival of the fittest. I work for peanuts (tasty ones, boss, but they're still peanuts — please don't fire me) because I obviously haven't achieved the evolutionary rung required for a decent-paying job. Just handing me a livable wage job without the requisite million years of appropriate DNA development, could throw natural selection for a loop.

Donald Trump and Martha Stewart got where they are because they are higher level human beings. They exist on a plane somewhere between the potato-chip chomping proletariat and the long-limbed aliens who gave Whitley Streiber a colonoscopy. Their wealth was not handed to them — they acquire riches by virtue of the $ gene.

To make matters even worse, we then want to bribe THE POOR to participate in the political process?? Say what?? This leftist wants to level the playing field so that poor hourly wage earners are as likely to vote as the stodgy VFW treasurer down the street, the gray-haired Mason with an American flag mounted on his Airstream motorhome.

Truly, a world turned upside down. Couple these wet dreams with a black man running for president and anarchy reigns. Where's Ron Paul when you need him?

Alexander Hamilton, so magnificently portrayed on the $10 bill, recognized that the general public (read: minimum wage earners) are ill-equipped to make governmental decisions.

"Men," he once famously said, "are reasoning rather than reasonable animals."

Shouldn't we listen to our founding elders?

Comments

I'm Sorry what did you say?
Where do get Communism this is not even Socialism.
Get a grip dude we have a right to make a decent living in this Country. With current failures of the stock exchange and the global economy, the 10 Dollar an Hour wage will just barley make it tolerable to live here.
I live on a V.A. Pension that I earned through 17 Years of Civil Service in the Military and can't even afford to buy Milk or Gasoline in this Country. Is somebody taking this directly out of Your pocket? If not, why are you bitching?

Posted by: James Stratton | March 24, 2008 04:56 PM

This is limp-dick, chicken-shit McCarthyism from some overweight guy who probably got his ass kicked in the housing market, a foreclosed yuppie wannabe Arkley.

Posted by: Jumbo | March 24, 2008 06:15 PM

Hello James,

I think the Bolsheviks killed libertarian socialists like me. The Nazis killed libertarian socialists like me too.

Other than that, a fine satirical piece, and thank you for your support.

Have a peaceful day,
Bill

Posted by: Bill Holmes | March 24, 2008 07:45 PM

Minimum wage is still a minimum far outweighed by what that fatcat billionaire Dean Singleton earns to run his union crushing newspapers like yours, right James? How is that socialism when there's still such wage disparity?

Posted by: Paws The Cat | March 24, 2008 10:59 PM

Bill, you're a scholar among men. Jumbo and James, and yes — you too Paws — need to learn the value of irony. That's spelled S-A-T-I-R-E

Posted by: James Faulk | March 25, 2008 09:26 AM

And BTW, good luck Bill. In my opinion, a truly worthwhile effort.

Posted by: James Faulk | March 25, 2008 09:29 AM

Hey, just wondering if anyone's checked out Satires.net or not. It looked cool but every link goes to an external page. Nice site though!

Posted by: Robert | March 25, 2008 03:00 PM

I thought living here was a commentary on different lifestyles? What's more government interference have to do with that? I say let the bon ton times roll. Where moving but until then see you at the thursday free concerts this summer.

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