The Bully Pulpit

My wife and I, with two of our three children, recently made a trek up to Seattle to visit one of my best friends on his 30th Birthday. For the most part, while long, the drive was pleasant and comfortable in our eggplant minivan.

But after a few short hours on the road, one thing became clear — Oregon is a waste of real estate. Rude people, angry looks from regular Joes who couldn't have read my lciense plate to know my state of origin, and an overall sense of WTF? makes Oregon chafe like yesterday's diaper.

I almost got into a scuffle with one gas station attendant. You know the program, Oregon's welfare system where they make every gas station hire some loser to pump gas. Self-serve is outlawed in the lovely state of Oregon.

Well, I ask this particular jerk where the restroom is, and he just gives me a blank stare. I ask him again, and after a painful and irritating pause, he responds that it is where the sign says it is. Stomping off, I fill the urinal to bursting and then go into the store, where said attendant is now working the register. I put a cup of coffee on the counter, ask how much it is.

Same blank stare. Now thoroughly enraged, I practically shout: How much is the coffee, friend-o? He frowns, then points at the digital display. I angrily toss two two dollars on the counter and proceed to lambaste the chubby SOB with every expletive I could think of in a short amount of time.

I then proceed to ask for the manager's name, the employee's badge number, and then take down a detailed description of his every identifying mark. I do nothing with the information, but for once I wanted to get a reaction out of the bum. It didn't work, and we left town and ultimately Oregon.

And as we soon discovered, people are a lot nicer in Washington. And I didn't even mention that on the way back we broke down outside Sutherlin, where a little community exists off the business from three commercial enterprises: a Chevron station; a small hotel with pink, A-frame cabins; and an adult store. We only frequented two of the establishments while waiting for Joe-Bob to fix the van. I'll let you guess which ones.