Become a Better Father/Every Day Dad

10 Rules for Being Human
Ten Rules for Being Human
by Cherie Carter-Scott
1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it’s yours to keep for the entire period.
2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, “life.”
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”
4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end. There’s no part of life that doesn’t contain its lessons. If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.
6. “There” is no better a place than “here.” When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”
7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life’s questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all this.

Posted by Scott Hammond at 10:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (70)

NETWORKING ON PURPOSE

“Networking”….Much has been written and said about it lately. It seems to be the buzz word in business today. For some it conjures up images of the classic schmoozing in a social setting and for others just good old fashioned fear. Neither has to be the case if you will simply learn some basics about the new science we call “networking.”

Networking can be learned like any other area of knowledge. It requires time and practice but can be mastered by even those who hate contrived social contact. I have seen the most shy colleague blossom into a full-on networker who is both kind-hearted and transparent in her approach. Networking is about building good relationships.

How do I find the best places to network with people I need to know?
A better question might be, “Who do you need to know?” Are you targeting
retailers, public school superintendents or commercial property
owners? This information will help you determine where they hang out. Are
there associations or conferences aimed at these professions? Do people in your
network know who you want to meet? Can any of your connections introduce
you to the right people?

How do I gain more confidence while networking?
Your goal should be to learn from and help everyone you meet. How? Ask
them questions, clarify their responses and, if you can, give them information
they need. If you can’t, introduce them to those who can. When you help others,
it takes the pressure off of selling to them (which you shouldn’t be doing
anyway). No pressure, no problem. If you genuinely try to help,
they may return the favor in the long haul. You will gain greater confidence as you get better at helping people and communicating (when asked) how they can help you. That’s how it works. Try it and see.

How can I strengthen my networking with key partners?
Give tons of referrals and information to partners who are competent, credible
and ethical in their practices. If they aren’t and you refer them business
anyway, it will make you look bad. You need to give to get. (Givers Gain).
If you give lots of referrals to your key partners and get no referrals in return, it’s time to get new key partners. Or it’s time for conversation that might sound something
like this: “I think we should discuss how we can refer more business to one another. What is an ideal referral (piece of business) for you? An ideal referral for me is (fill in the blank)”

In the meeting, focus on your key partner first. How can I help you more? Do
not mention how much you give and how little you get. If you don’t get a
positive reaction from your key partner (or it’s all one-sided), find a new key
partner! Remember, your ability to network and exchange business increases the possibility of growing your business and helping others too.

Where do I start in Humboldt County?

Here are a number of organizations and venues to meet and greet a lot of folks and network with both freedom and fun”:
• All local Chambers of Commerce’s-Each have monthly mixers (often on Thursdays) and provide a great venue to meet and mix and have fun while building relationships.
• B.N.I. (Business Networking International)-Has 5 local chapters which all meet on Tuesdays both at breakfast and lunch. They are the quintessential networking organization in the universe. Founded by Dr. Ivan Mizner , B.N.I. has written the book on compelling and effective networking. Go to www.BNI.com for more info.
• Fortuna Monday Club-Meets at the FBID office building at noon on….well…Monday!
• Toastmasters International-Meets at noon each Thursday at the SBDC office conference room in downtown Eureka and at City Hall in Fortuna on Wednesday nights. Toastmasters can equip you to speak AND network more effectively.
• Associations, Non-Profit involvement, Civic and Service Clubs, and events.

Kinda shy? We all are. Why not just dive in today and come on out and meet some of the folks who are just as shy as you. We will all be richer getting to know you! Most people are just kind-hearted and want to be loved/known/and understood-- just like you and me.

Scott Hammond is the author of Every Day Dad: The Guide to Becoming a Better Father, a parenting expert, and the father of 9 children, who offers a unique point of view on fathering and intentional parenting. Scott is an award winning professional speaker and a recognized business consultant and leadership coach.
Scott motivates and inspires others toward positive, personal change and growth with his comfortable style, authenticity, and transparency. Using real-life stories, Scott shares how you can overcome life and parenting obstacles and become a better person.
Scott resides in McKinleyville, California with his wife of 30 years, Joni, and their kids. To connect with Scott, visit www.BecomeABetterFather.com or www.EveryDayDad.com

Posted by Scott Hammond at 09:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)

Perception is Reality…
How do Your Customers Really See You?

Humboldt County is famous for its kind people and great customer service. We have the benefit of retailers and other service professionals who really “get it” when it comes to great customer care. We all have fabled stories of rotten and awesome customer service received and we tend to repeat them freely…what is your favorite---good or bad?

Just think of your favorite restaurant for store you buy from—what makes them stand out to you and spend your hard earned dollars with them? I‘d wager it has much to do with some component of great customer care and service. Customers are just people and people want to know they are valued, understood, and served well.

This “service” translates into all relationships: parenting, marriage, home, church, business, career, school, and more. How are you serving those in your life and relationships? Are you known as someone who serves those in your world and sphere of influence? Why or why not?

To keep both our internal (employees) and external customers happy we need to have a thorough understanding of their likes and dislikes. To make sure you are keeping them happy and delivering the best possible service-- ask yourself, your staff, and above all your customers the following questions;

How well do we deliver what we promise?

How often do we do things right the first time?

How often do we do things right on time?

How quickly do we respond to your requests for service?

How accessible are we when you need to contact us?

How helpful and polite are we?

How well do we speak your language?

How hard do you think we work at keeping you a satisfied client?

How much confidence do you have in our products or services?

How well do we understand and try to meet your special needs and requests?

Overall, how would you rate the appearance of our facilities, products and people?

Overall, how would you rate the quality of our service?

Overall, how would you rate the quality of our service compared to our competitors?

How willing would you be to recommend us?

How willing would you be to buy from us again?

If you and your staff have positive marks on the above kudos to you! If not, where will you start to ratchet up your customer service game and make it fun and rewarding to do business with your company? There must be some “low hanging fruit” in which you can quickly make your business a better place to do business with. Pick just 3 things and write them down now and begin working on a plan to execute and move forward in your plan for better customer relationships, care and service. You, your employees, and the community will be better for it and you will be more profitable. Like my dad Bob said:”If you are in this for the money, you are only half paid…” Why not reap the full reward of giving good, to great, to absolutely awesome customer service today!

Scott Hammond is the author of Every Day Dad: the Guide to Becoming a Better Father, a parenting expert, and the father of 9 children, who offers a unique point of view on fathering and intentional parenting. Scott is an award winning professional speaker and a recognized business consultant and leadership coach.
Scott motivates and inspires others toward positive, personal change and growth with his comfortable style, authenticity, and transparency. Using real-life stories, Scott shares how you can overcome life and parenting obstacles and become a better person.
Scott resides in McKinleyville, California with his wife of 30 years, Joni, and their kids. To connect with Scott, visit www.BecomeABetterFather.com or www.EveryDayDad.com

Posted by Scott Hammond at 08:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (157)

My Father Bob

“If you’re in this for the money, you are only about half paid…”

Bob Hammond (1921-2004)
Motivational Speaker/Dad

My father, Bob Hammond, grew up in Iowa during the Great Depression.
He was poor but received two years of college before being enlisted in the Army Air Corps during World War II.
He was an elite P-51 fighter pilot in the Asian Theater and was a decorated soldier.
He drank for 30+ years as he processed the experience. Consequently, our family grew up within the confines of alcoholism, divorce, and dysfunction.

As I got older, and my father got sober, we forged a relationship for a lifetime.
His support for me going to Humboldt State University, coupled with a mutual
spiritual revival, made for a lifelong friendship until his death in
2004. My father always supported my educational goals and expressed
confidence in me; he always believed in my choices and was available 24/7.
He was a people person and an expert salesman. He was relational in every way. People were his passion.

The lessons my father taught me had to do with relationships. People were priority.
For example, he came to work with me one day at the Tri City Weekly in Downtown Eureka to attend and contribute to a sales meeting. I was so proud and excited for my cohorts to hear the wisdom of this sage businessman and sales expert! He was my dad—coming to share his heart.

We gathered around, pen and paper in hand to hear from Bob Hammond, Sales Extraordinaire. We were ready…
He sat down at our office at 6th and D St. and we expected at least 30-45 minute training about the secrets of great sales. No Dice. No even close…

He sat cross-legged in his chair, took a deep breath, and uttered words that were simple and profound and have taken me 15 years to really comprehend….He simply stated:
“IF YOU ARE IN SALES FOR THE MONEY, YOU ARE ONLY HALF PAID.”
That was it. No prelude, no commentary, no addenda---Just 13 words spoken with authenticity and belief.
I must admit, I was a bit annoyed and aghast he didn’t have a strong follow-up and more to add. He didn’t need to.

His point was just this: In business, as in life, people and relationships are key. They are the reason for why we do what we do in business and commerce and in life. The Free Market System is lacking, even meaningless, without good relationships, friendships, and the joy of living a life full of meaningful experiences with fellow human beings.

My dad was a people guy, a hugger who loved crossword puzzles, plants, music, people, and God most of all.
His legacy of kindness, acceptance, thankfulness, gratitude, and forgiveness will always be with me.
As an alcoholic, he always had a special place in his heart for those who struggled with alcoholism. He modeled non-judgment and kindness toward all. My father left an inherent sense of godliness, spiritual value, and
a kindness that transcends most people you’ll ever meet. Although he
was a warrior in World War II and killed many while flying a P51
Mustang, the rest of his life was spent building, not destroying.
He’ll always be remembered in our family as the ice cream grandpa, who always loved Humboldt County and
insisted on multiple gallons of ice cream with each and every visit. Here’s to the legacy of a great guy, a great sales person… one of the Greatest Generation. May we approach our lives, careers, and business with a relational dimension and the kindness and care that all people want and need. Thanks dad for modeling this respect and honor for people in your quiet, but profound lesson.

Scott Hammond is the author of Every Day Dad: The Guide to Becoming a Better Father, a parenting expert, and the father of 9 children, who offers a unique point of view on fathering and intentional parenting. Scott is an award winning professional speaker and a recognized business consultant and leadership coach.
Scott motivates and inspires others toward positive, personal change and growth with his comfortable style, authenticity, and transparency. Using real-life stories, Scott shares how you can overcome life and parenting obstacles and become a better person.
Scott resides in McKinleyville, California with his wife of 27 years, Joni, and their kids. To connect with Scott, visit BecomeABetterFather.com

Posted by Scott Hammond at 08:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (253)

What will your best friends say at your funeral?
I came home from a road trip and my wife sat me down at the foot of our bed and said, “Your friend Dan Gunderson is dead”.
I couldn’t believe my ears, hoping it was a joke.
It was no joke.
This death caused me to think…
What is a life well lived?
What is greatness
What does a legacy look like?
I have three questions for you and myself…
Who has invested their time, life, and gifts in you?
What would your best friends say about you?
Who are you now investing your life skills and gifts in?
Someone who invested in me was my dad Bob… he was a real SOB (Sweet Old Bob).
He modeled and lived a life built on relationships.
You could pack all that he owned into his Chevrolet, but he left us incredible riches…
a great love and relationship with people, God, and nature.
1. People.
My father built relationships with everyone, whether in Alcoholics Anonymous, church, family, or just on the street. He built and fostered relationships with everyone he met.
I brought him into my sales office to share his sales genius.
We were all prepared with notepad and pen in hand…
All he said was, “If you’re in this for the money, you’re only about half paid”
That was it! I was a little annoyed and disappointed that he didn’t have more and refused to speak more on the sales craft.
It’s taken me 30 years, but now I realize the genius of my father’s statement… which is build relationships with people and you’ll be paid in incredible riches.
2. God.
My father was a World War II P 51 Mustang fighter pilot.
He killed many people in the South Pacific theater during the war.
Through sobriety that AA afforded him, he forgive himself and others, and connected to a relationship with God.
The Alcoholics Anonymous’ “higher power” had a name, face, and a real love, which my father translated to all he met.
He gave a grace and mercy and forgiveness to both himself and all those he knew.
3. Nature.
My dad loved his flowers, and he had a tremendous appreciation for nature, creation, and all things that grew.
He would stop us in a park or a golf course and say,” Scott come and smell this flower, check out this plant!”
I would dutifully give the cursory sniff, only to find that he was right.
There was beauty all around us if we were only willing to stop and smell the flowers.
He taught me the best things in life are not things at all… they are a love for people, for God, for nature.
How do we leave a legacy?
Are we object-oriented people or relationship-oriented people?
An object-oriented person treasures and values that which is temporal.
Examples would be possessions, travel, experience, wealth, pleasure, etc.
A relationship-oriented person, on the other hand, values that which is more eternal and immortal.
Examples would be… being compassionate, a good listener, showing kindness, saying I love you, being a hugger, and generally valuing all people.
Your three more questions for you…
What is most important to you?
If you could change anything about your life what would it be?
Why aren’t you doing that right now?
For me the answer is to invest in relationships and leave a piece of myself behind.
By investing in relationships, you will leave a richness in others, make a difference, and you will be changed.
One person who made a change in me was my deceased friend Dan Gunderson.
At his memorial, which was awesome and compelling and showed a life well lived, a little girl came forward to say a few words.
She bounced up front, happy and joyful, and began to speak of Dan’s love for her…then broke down and choked out, “Dan was my next-door daddy!!”
She wept openly as only a child can do.
Dan had taken the time to build a relationship with someone who was not core family, business, church, or other venue.
She was a little girl next door, and he reached out to her and made a difference.
My question to you, going forward, is just this…
To whom will you be a “next-door daddy“?
To whom will you reach out and make a difference in their lives …just because?

Posted by Scott Hammond at 07:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (812)

TIME MANAGEMENT AND THE 80/20 RULE

SCOTT AND JONI HAMMOND IN PORTLAND OREGON'S ROSE GARDEN
Time management—
We all possess valuable resources, but none is trickier or more valuable than time. Managing your time is THE key skill set in managing your life. Show me what you do with your time and I’ll show you what your value system is all about. When leveraging time you will utilize and expand on core strength. If you can manage your time well you can accomplish almost anything. Using time incrementally, methodically, and strategically will help you stay on track and achieve your life priorities.
Personal productivity is only as limited as your proper use of time. Wise use of time maximizes and leverages all resources and helps you achieve your goals, objectives, and priorities. Good time management allows you to plan ahead and to use your purpose and passion with laser focus—nothing becomes impossible. Your productivity, as you leverage your passion through good time management, increases exponentially resulting in compelling accomplishment.
“Plan your work, then work your plan” is a great axiom. The “work your plan” part has to do with time management. Planning is great, but is useless without execution. Time management is all about the execution of your plans, goals, passions, and objectives.
Time management can be leveraged through productivity systems and good planning.
The 80-20 rule is evidence of this…. You accomplish about 80% of your results from 20% of your work. The key here is to find your personal “prime time” then leverage that time in the most productive way possible. To schedule around your 20% “prime time”, where you are most productive and efficient is the key to leveraging time, productivity, and accomplishment. For most people their prime time is in the morning. This is the time to get all of your core work accomplished. This key time is to be secured and set aside as the valuable commodity it truly is. Prime work time should be scheduled on a daily basis and should have compelling content at its core. Planning, goal setting, reviewing, communicating, executing initiatives, key meetings, key document creation, and much more are all the key elements of utilizing your prime time window.
Procrastination and its opposite workaholism are both dysfunction to avoid. Our society allows for both to its detriment. It takes discipline and self control to avoid the dysfunction of workaholism and over commitment and the sickness and the result they produce. The same can be said of procrastination—we are to avoid it like the plague. It all starts with analysis and admission and truly owning our own poor habits.
The idea here is to have a balanced life. This begins with healthy relationships and healthy personal spirit. Living your life in balance and alignment starts with living your priorities. The piece and congruity that results is compelling. A life lived well, living your priorities, and being able to have fun productivity that energizes you is a compelling work style/lifestyle.
The Covey idea of sharpening your saw and resting so you can work more efficiently is the key. A life lived in balance with family, work, community, friendships, and personal fulfillment is truly a productive life.
It all starts at time management, personal discipline, and self-control. Just do it.
Time management is—
The definition of Time management is a set of skills, tools, and systems that work together to help you get more value out of your time and leverage it to accomplish what you want.
Learning time management will do the following:
Give a personal definition of time management, and how you can use it
Help you know the signs that you’re off-track
Help you know the signs that you are on the right track
Help you know what your focus should be on
You know you’re on the right track when—
Your customers, boss, family and peers praise your accomplishments.
You meet your sales, personal, or family goals and have a positive performance
You are often considered for additional responsibility and special projects.
You feel good about your work and family and are energized by them.
You know you’re off-track, when—
You’re working really hard, and little is being accomplished
You’re not meeting your sales, personal, business, or family goals
People around you complain about you
You’re the only one who seems to think you’re doing a great job.
You’re always putting out fires
You’re spending a lot of his time socializing and complaining
Eight most common time wasters—
Lack of planning
Lack of priorities
Over commitment
Management by crisis
Haste
Paperwork and reading e-mail
Routine tasks
The telephone
How to combat procrastination—
Accept that procrastination is common, and that you are not unique
Fearing failure is absolutely normal… we often procrastinate because we fear failure
If you find you tend to procrastinate in certain situations… face them head on
Never choose low priority work in front of high priority work
Control your socializing at work
Schedule start time as well, as the finished time for your work being planned
Adopt single handling thinking. Touch it wants. You’ll pick up one job only and only put it down when it’s finished. Multitasking is a myth…
We should focus on activities that—
Contribute to your customer, family, stakeholders success and satisfaction
Booster personal productivity and performance
Support your family or organization’s strategic vision and goals
Time management tips—
Know and use your calendar or Daytimer
Prioritize demands on your time
Keep your priority list in front of you
Keep checking your progress with time management.
Stockpile work or questions, and to schedule says its time work on them. Only work on things in your scheduled to do so.
Seek support when you need it— delegate
Develop techniques that help you when in a unique situation
Pick a morning or an evening to work when no one is around and get organized. Order creates less stress and helps focus
Spend a few minutes at the end of the day putting everything in its home base and getting ready for the next day. Remember… trash it, act on it, refer it, or file it away.
10. Keep yourself motivated.
More tips for time management—
Making a commitment that you’ll measure time more efficiently to be the best promise you ever make to yourself. In the long run, you’ll be glad you did. Here are some tips that may help to some move your way to a little more time efficient life. You may even find that after you get the hang of it, you’ll have more free time!!
Manage your availability— in which coworkers know when you are available to help them and when you’re not.
Learn to prioritize—one of the most important things you can do in your search for more time. Prioritize your commitments. If you belong to any organizations that are turned into obligations, just give up your membership. There is not enough time to spend on doing things which aren’t that important to you.
Make all your calls in the morning—this is when people are most likely to be available. Then, block off the rest of your day on interrupted work.
Schedule time every week to take care of your filing—take time every week to get your filing done and keep up the organizing and purging of your files. This will go a long way to help you stay on top of your job responsibility. The get and stay organized.
Create an activity log—keep a detailed personal activity log for several days to determine how you’re actually using your time. See where you’re spending too much and not enough time.
Control your busywork—it’s not always easy to admit that sometimes we allow ourselves to get immersed in busywork. Focus on the job at hand and don’t let meaningless tasks consume your precious time.
Create a system for yourself—no one knows your schedule better than you do. Incorporate simple and effective systems in your life that help you do what must be done on a daily basis so that you actually can get things accomplished. Get a routine and form positive habits.
Don’t bite off more than you can chew—break up big projects into manageable pieces. Divide your projects and concentrate on one part at a time. Gradual progress and growth is the best practice.
Never forced the finishing of a project, if it can be helped—there’s no point in force yourself to finish a job when you’re not making any headway. Switch to another project in the new challenge will refresh and renew your mind so that you can return to the original job. You will then feel ready to complete it.
10. Plan ahead—this tip will eliminate the procrastination and ensure higher productivity. Estimate how long a job will take. Then at about one third more time. Then count the number of days back from the deadline, and set that as your defining starting point…Hot tip!
11. .Learn what is urgent, versus what is important—there is a tremendous difference. Too often we respond to the urgent and forfeit the necessary. In other words, things that demand our media attention usurp what is necessary. By contrast, important tasks might not require an instant response, but they necessitate important activities that will keep you on track in achieving your goals. Be wary of the Tyranny of the Urgent!
12. Under promise and over deliver—this is a very old axiom, but nonetheless very true. Never promised too much; you’re more likely to disappoint people. Instead, with all things, under promise and over deliver. People will be pleasantly surprised when you’re done more than originally planned.
Five ways to improve productivity—
There is so much happening and less and less time to handle of all these days. Learning how to increase your productivity could give you the edge you need to get it all done. The idea of getting it all done is nebulous at best.
Do we ever truly get it all done?
To think that we could have it completely whipped is a fallacy and a dangerous life paradigm. Could you get at least some of it done? It is possible…. here are a few ways and strategies that can increase your productivity:
Schedule your time for work—be consistent. Don’t do personal things in your schedule to work. Make it to do list and prioritize your tasks. A list is often more effective for those of us need to consult a reference or see it in writing. When you’ve completed a task, cross off your list. You get a real sense of completion in satisfaction as you see your list getting shorter and shorter.
Do the most difficult, time-consuming, least favorite jobs first— do the first things first. Do the hardest task at hand when you have the most energy and motivation to tackle the project. If you tackle the toughest job first, the rest of your tasks will seem that much easier.
Do not allow yourself to get interrupted by other people’s emergencies or drama—be able to say No. Learn to have boundaries. Learn to say no and a polite but firm way. Be professional, kind and understanding, but also be ready to use the most famous boundary word of them all: NO.
Organize your files—set up the system right from the beginning. Don’t reinvent the wheel. Use a Daytimer for scheduling. Have a 31 day and 12 month filing system. You can have technology, but don’t let technology have you. Do not reinvent the wheel. An ordered space will allow you to be less stressed.
Organize your workspace—the better organized and efficient your workspace, the more efficient you will be in time management. The time it takes you to search through out all your piles of paper or to remember where you put that file could be spent in working on new projects. Put the things you use most on your desktop and always put them back in the same place when you’re done. Keep a file organizer on your desk for current projects, so they are always at your finger tips. Have clearly delineated places for everything.

Posted by Scott Hammond at 07:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (970)

Real Service…
March 1, 2010 by Scott Hammond

Filed under Scott Hammond

THE RICHEST PERSONS ARE THOSE WHO GIVE MOST IN SERVICE TO OTHERS.
Financial wealth is only one measure of success. The truly happy and successful individual is the man or woman who is healthy, financially secure, challenged in his or her career, and is making a difference in the lives of others. It isn’t always easy to render service to others. The world is a cynical and dangerous place where others are likely to mistrust your motives. They can be convinced only by consistent, sustained, outstanding service that is enthusiastically and cheerfully offered. In time, even the most cynical individual will come to accept your willingness to go the extra mile if you are sincere in your offers of assistance and in the service you provide.

Posted by Scott Hammond at 07:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (456)

Note to Alex

By Brian Parsley

November 3rd, 2009

A friend of mine wrote this amazing list for his young stepson. It’s a set of principles he’s learned in his lifetime and wanted to pass along so his stepson would have the building blocks to living a positive, fulfilling life. I thought it summed up how we should all live our lives.

Always Tell the Truth Even When it Hurts
Honesty is not a situational principle. In the end, it’s yourself you have to live with. Integrity is what makes you who you are. It’s what makes the pillow soft at night and the morning worth waking up for.

Give Love
Treat yourself and others with compassion, love and respect. Help a neighbor, help a stranger, and take care of yourself both physically and mentally. Remember, nothing is possible without first believing in love.

Treat People Fairly Fair
Be just, be compassionate and be equal. All situations are different but the manner in which you go about handling them should be the same. Don’t play favorites. If you show compassion, you will be able to treat others fairly, and they will respect you for it.

Never Do Harm to Anyone – Including Yourself
Don’t talk behind someone’s back, don’t cause physical harm and don’t let someone engage in any activity that you know will cause them or others harm. This has as much to do with action as intent. If you’re honest, loving and fair you won’t want to hurt others or let others be hurt.

Keep Your Promises
Your promise is your reputation. Others will judge you by your ability to follow through on your words.

Be a Positive Influence
Don’t just set out to make your life better. Help others live the best life they can too. Be a role model. Live the above principles and others will follow your lead.

Do the next right thing… always.
If you’re ever in doubt of any decision, do the next right thing. Don’t worry about the “what if’s” or all the different ways a decision could take you – just do the right thing in that moment. It will never fail you and there will never be regrets (especially in the long run).

Special thanks to Ben Vernon.

Posted by Scott Hammond at 02:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (1052)

I got a speeding ticket for going 54 in a 35 zone right in my Hometown one Monday last July.

Bail....$331.00 american dollars.

I paid the fine and went to traffic court to explain why...

I was surprized by what I found--

The Judge
My accusor
The Law
Authority
My Guilt
Other guilty people
and then...Mercy
Long Story Short...I got forgiven the ticket and my money back because they lacked a document.

My "Aha" moments...

Law and authority is real and can really change your life--ask they guy who lost his licence.

Mercy, grace, and forgiveness is cool and we/I need to play it forward--give mercy to those around me-by the handfuls.

I think I will slow down as well...

Posted by Scott Hammond at 06:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (873)

Top 1o Reasons for me to give thanks on Thanksgiving:

God-The Relationship vs. the Religion
My wife Joni--Best Friend and lover
My 9 kids and their significant others
Our extended Family-Yes, even the In-Laws!
Church Family-Locally and all over the Earth
Our Humboldt Community-Business and Networks
My Job--Nice to have these days...
Having Vision/Mission/Passion-Desire and Focus and positive ambitions.
Health, Well-being, Joyfulness--The usual
You--Known or never met-You are loved...
Happy Thanksgiving!

Best,

Scott hammond

Posted by Scott Hammond at 09:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (2680)

EMBRACE THE MOMENT!
I have learned much from being with my father-in-law Tom Hanson who our kids call the Fun Grandpa–He is a joy to have as a visitor and teaches by his example. He is always IN THE MOMENT–He knows how to engage and have fun in the Now. Here are some lessons learned–
1. EMBRACE THE MOMENT–Have a sense of wonder, curiosity, and see life as an adventure.
2. HAVE FUN–Develop the ability to play and be childlike. Get over your self and being all serious and grave all the time.
3. LET GO–Do what you can control and let the rest go! Don’t dwell, over-think, or worry about what you cannot change.
4. LEARN TO LIKE YOURSELF– Focus on the positive. Really give yourself permission to see and dwell on what is good about you and you will be less angry and kinder to yourself and others!
5. SEE THE BEST IN LIFE AND OTHERS–Focus on the positive and what you are thankful for. Choose the good. You can change the way you think and see life so just do it!
6. BE ENGAGED AND ENGAGING–Get over your own trials and hurts and move on! reach out in relationships that give you life and energize others as well. Be all about relationship building and friendship–you will be transformed.
7. SPEND TIME WITH FAMILY/FRIENDS–Do what is really important to you. Do not be ruled by the Tyranny of the Urgent.
8. BE KIND–Listen well. Just be gentle with people and treat them with honor and respect and kindness. You will see it returned ten-fold.
9. BE STILL–Slow down and stop occasionally. Listen for God and get a sense of relaxation and awareness of more than just the chatter of your mind.
10. GIVE/ RECEIVE GRACE–Be forgiving and forgivable. Be ready to give grace by the truckload to others who really need it form you. Accept humanity in yourself and others without making excuses or rationalizing wrong-doing. Be ready to move on and let go and go forward…

Posted by Scott Hammond at 08:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (3268)

1. Consider Your Choices--what are they really? Really think about what you are choosing. Are there other unconsidered alternatives?

2. Consider the Consequences of Your Choices--What will be the probable outcomes? Can you live with that? Will the consequences be expensive?

3. Make the Best Choice--After you have done the above, make your best decision. Which is the optimum decision in the area you are facing choices?

4. Be a Class Act--Always strive to be a person of class. We are surrounded with the walking wounded who have made poor decisions and lacked real class in their choices and lives. Life is a series of decisions and choices....choose wisely!

Posted by Scott Hammond at 08:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (693)

Fathers Day Writing Contest 2009/New Web Site Introduction

For Immediate Release

New Website Become a Better Father.com announces its podcast, blog, and online videos just in time for Father’s Day

McKinleyville, California. June 2, 2009. Scott Hammond, author, speaker, and parenting expert, releases, just in time for Father’s Day, exciting new resources for parents via his Web site: Become a Better Father.com. Visitors can expect a wealth of information that helps them employ Purpose-Driven Parenting to strengthen their family relationships and improve their lives.

As a father of nine (including two special needs children) and an extensive background in leadership training, coaching, consulting, writing, and public speaking, Hammond brings a unique and dynamic energy to helping others become better, more-effective fathers. Although Scott Hammond coaches fathers in particular, his offerings are not limited to just men. Anyone who parents can use his system to make great improvements in their familial relations and enjoy happier, healthier existences. Some of Mr. Hammond’s personal, encouragement-based coaching involves: effective goal setting, honest self evaluation, integrity-based communication, and credibility in word and action.

Are you an effective parent?

Hammond states, “Every parent feels a need to improve their parenting skills, to better reach and teach their children, and to leave a lasting, loving legacy so all family members can live healthier, richer, more productive lives. My parenting program helps fathers identify what they really want, to come forward and embrace their role in the family, and take the steps required for strong, lasting, and positive relationships”.

New Website Features, Just in Time for Father’s Day

The Become a Better Father.com Web site now features podcasting, You Tube videos of Scott in action, a Father’s Day writing contest, an award-winning Toastmasters speech titled, “The Upside of Down Syndrome”, Scott’s Seven Secrets of Effective Fathers materials, how to leave a healthy and strong legacy for our children, and much more.

As a trainer, coach, writer, speaker, consultant, and father, Scott Hammond delivers a comfortable, personal, and informal speaking style that motivates, inspires, and compels others toward positive personal and professional change. With a 30-year, award-winning background in radio, newsprint, and television media, Scott is uniquely qualified to offer a balanced perspective on family and career achievement.

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Posted by Scott Hammond at 08:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (869)

6 Minutes, 50 Years

Here is legendary Coach Bear Bryant's speech to his Alabama football team before a 1974 game: "Most of you will live another fifty years or more. I hope it's seventy, but if it's fifty that's still a good life, and what happens today you'll have to live with the rest of the way. You can't get it back if you don't win. It's sixty minutes and over. The losers are the ones who say, 'Oh I wish I could play it again.' You can't play it again.

Well, you're not really going to have to play sixty minutes. None of you. The longest play in a game is six and a half seconds. The shortest play is less than two seconds. That's barely a wink of the eye. You'll average five seconds a play. Five seconds of total effort, going all out, giving a hundred percent. You oughta be able to hold your hand in a fire that long..."

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/9/9c/CrimsonTideAlogo.png/75px-CrimsonTideAlogo.png
http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0dOpdjB2TBcKW/75x75.jpg

Posted by Scott Hammond at 07:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (459)

How to Write an Inspiring Speech
----------------------------

Do you want to inspire people? Do you have a burning desire to share your life experiences and tell your stories so that other people can benefit? If so, there are a number of things to consider when writing an inspiring speech.

This last summer I was inspired by what I witnessed at the Beijing Olympics. As the drama unfolded around Michael Phelps' quest for eight gold medals, I found myself relating to his family watching from the stands. I couldn't relate to Michael and his mind-blowing accomplishments, but I could relate to the emotions that his family was experiencing: the pride and elation and love.

The reason I could relate to his family was because day after day the network kept telling us the story of his childhood. It was like being invited into his home and sitting on the couch watching home movies and going through family albums. By the time he won his eighth gold medal, I was rooting for him as if I was family. He became my surrogate child and when his mom cried, so did I. His accomplishment was inspiring because I felt I was a part of it.

Make Your Story Their Story

In an inspiring speech, you want to bring people into your experience. They should feel as if they are part of what you are talking about. You want to connect your story to their story. If you don't make this connection, your speech can be interpreted as indulgent and preachy.

Some of the clients who come to me for coaching on their motivational speeches have amazing stories. Similar to my experience with Michael Phelps, their accomplishments are often so far from my reality that I can't relate to the accomplishment. However, though I may not be able to relate to climbing Mt. Everest or being a 3-time world champion sportsman, if their story is told well, I can relate to their human experience, and to the drama of their inner struggle, challenge, disappointment or victory.

Reveal Your Inner Struggle

Your story comes alive for me when you reveal your inner struggle. It doesn't matter what your story is about; climbing a mountain, adopting a child or making a big sale, I can relate to your inner struggle more than to your specific accomplishments. You must be willing to share your private thoughts and feelings in order for me to connect. That means you have to move beyond telling me what happened, to letting me feel your emotions and share in your thought process.

Get Emotional

Your inspiring speech may contain twenty or thirty thousand words but it will fall flat if it doesn't contain genuine emotion. Words are interesting. Emotions are powerful. It's not enough for you to tell me stories and share insights. It is the emotional context, shown and experienced rather than narrated, that makes you inspiring. You need to get emotional while you are speaking.

Michael Phelps was emotional and we saw it. His family members were emotional and we saw it. And because I felt that emotion, I connected to the story that was being told. I got hooked. I call that an "empathetic experience."

Build a Bridge

Your personal experience gives you credibility as a speaker. I don't care how many books you've read or what you've learned from your research, I want to know what you know from experience. Once you've shared your experience by telling me your stories and giving me examples to support your points, you then need to build a bridge from your experience to my experience.

Hey You! Yeah You!

The way you build a bridge and make your speech more inspiring, is by talking directly to me. Use the word "you" and I know you are talking to me. You make it personal to me by asking me questions like, "what about you?, how about you?, when will you...?" rather than asking "what about us?, how about us?, when will we...?" If you use words like "we" and "us", they are general and I can pretend you are not talking to me. If you make a point and then say, "This is what I accomplished and you can do this too," I get inspired. The word YOU is incredibly powerful. Use it.

Talk to One Person at a Time

Every member of your audience is hearing you one-on-one. They are listening to what you say and personalizing it based on their life at that moment in time. It is very immediate for them. Consider the difference between speaking to the "whole audience" versus speaking to that lady in the third row with the glasses, and then talking to the gentleman wearing the striped shirt, etc. What would it be like if you were talking to your friend? How would you speak to a friend?

Tone It Down

Have you ever seen a motivational speaker that said all the right things but failed to connect? They use a big voice and a big smile, but lack authenticity. They are the cliché motivational speaker that gives motivational speakers a bad name. In working with hundreds of speakers, I've found that it has a lot to do with vocal and emotional tone. Get real. Tone it down.

Just Talk to Me

A woman in a recent Story Theater Retreat came to me with one goal: to get real. Her story was fine, her heart and mind were in the right place, but she was stuck in "speaker" mode. She was having one heck of a time toning it down and just being her authentic self. Somehow she had gotten the message that she had to pump it up to be motivational and inspiring. Every time she got up to speak she'd go into "speaker" mode, and every time I reminded her to 'just talk to me."

It took multiple reminders before she finally relaxed into herself and stopped pushing. In the end, she was more inspiring when she toned it down and spoke naturally than she was when she came in the door. She accomplished her goal. She got real.

Intimacy is the Key to an Inspiring Speech

As you sit down to write your speech, stand up! Walk away from the computer. Take a walk with a pad of paper or a voice recorder. Go to a coffee shop with a friend and talk about what you believe. Listen for your natural cadence. Learn to write in your own voice. Think about what you'd say to a friend who is in pain. How would you counsel someone you care about? How would it sound? Be aware of the intimacy in your voice based on the emotion you are feeling. Write your speech with the intention of talking to one person at a time.

The Architecture

I just spent two days working with an aspiring speaker on his keynote. We made hundreds of strategic choices. And over and over again he kept commenting on how complex the design phase was, what I call the architecture of the speech. Without the proper architecture - the right ingredients organized in the right sequence - your speech won't hold together. Rather than being easy for the audience to follow, it will jerk forward like a car in desperate need of a tune up.

Don't simply write your speech; design it. How will the pieces hold together? Where will they intersect?

You can write an inspiring speech. You can be an inspiring speaker. Your life and your stories can inspire people. Don't wait. Start writing your inspiring speech today.

If not you...who? If not now...when?

by Doug Stevenson

Posted by Scott Hammond at 07:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (1104)

Great Leadership Quotes

“There have been meetings of only a moment which have left impressions for life, for eternity. No one can understand that mysterious thing we call influence…yet …everyone of us continually exerts influence, either to heal, to bless, to leave marks of beauty; or to wound, to hurt, to poison, to stain other lives.”
- J.R. Miller

“Leadership is getting people to work for you when they are not obligated.”
- Fred Smith

“We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.”
- Author Unknown

“Setting an example is not the main means of influencing another, it is the only means.”
- Albert Einstein

“The best efforts of a fine person is felt after we have left their presence.”

Posted by Scott Hammond at 11:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (831)

Forgive!

Forgiveness In Marriage

Forgiveness is a gift not a given. When we choose to forgive our spouse, we are giving up our “right” to hold something against them.
Asking for Forgiveness

1. Make an unconditional apology

An unconditional apology focuses on our responsibility in the matter not our spouse’s. It should sound something like this, “I was wrong for what I did and I am so sorry.” Period. We don’t make excuses or point the finger at our mate. An unconditional apology should not sound like this, “I am sorry, BUT IF YOU wouldn’t have” That is NOT an unconditional apology.

2. Humbly ask for the gift of forgiveness

Again, since forgiveness is not a given, we must ask for it. After our apology we need to sincerely ask our mate to forgive us.

3. Follow up with action

This is what gives substance to apologizing and asking for forgiveness. We need to sincerely repent or turn away from our wrongs. Whether it’s attitudes or actions, we need to show our spouse that we are changing. And, we need to be open to their input as to what constitutes satisfactory change. Remember, they are the one who has been hurt so they might require more from us than we think necessary. But, we should be aware of their needs and be open to their suggestions.

4. Give your spouse time

Even if our spouse does accept our apology and grant forgiveness, we can’t expect things to be better right away. Now sure, you might get over the small things more quickly but for bigger things, it can take our spouse time to warm up to us again. Be patient with them. Time will show that you are changing and are sincere about not hurting them again.
Granting Forgiveness

1. Forgiveness is a choice not a feeling

We may not feel like forgiving our mate. We may want to harbor the anger and hurt and make them pay for what they have done. But, once you decide you want to grant forgiveness, you can begin to work through those feelings.

2. Share your hurt

After your spouse has apologized and asked for forgiveness you need to talk about the matter before you move on. It might be uncomfortable, but you need to share how you feel about what has happened. Don’t point a finger at them; just share how you feel, so they understand the depth of your hurt. Make sure you feel heard, before you move on.

3. Plan for change

Decide together what your spouse’s change of heart will look like. Be clear about what you expect and what you need. The goal here is not to punish with requirements, but to set up guidelines that you both agree to. That way, there will be fewer gray areas that can lead to disappointment.

4. Stop the video

Do not replay your spouse’s infraction over and over again in your mind. When your mind starts to wander and you begin to dwell on the incident and the hurt they caused you, tell yourself to stop. It’s one thing to need to talk to someone like a pastor or a counselor about your pain so you can move past it, but it’s another when you keep inflicting the pain on yourself by dwelling on the hurt. Deciding to truly forgive your spouse is re-committing to your relationship. Don’t sabotage that recommitment by focusing on the negative.

5. Give yourself time

Just deciding to forgive will not strip away all of the pain of the incident. You need to give yourself time.

No one can make you forgive. It is your choice. But, if you decide not to forgive you will suffer the consequences of bitterness and frustration that harboring resentment brings. On the other hand, when you grant forgiveness you are taking the first step in ridding your heart of the pain you now feel. You are saying, “Yes, you hurt me and what you did was wrong. But, I am giving up my right to punish you. In so doing, I am rising above the pain you have caused me.”…from allprodad.com

Posted by Scott Hammond at 07:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (481)

Why Leave a Lasting Legacy?

Legacy…on what does that word mean to you? Leaving a positive and compelling legacy or heritage is what life is really about. ..

What is the key to success?

What really matters?

What footprint are you leaving on life and others?

Do you want to impress or influence?

What is the stuff of a real legacy?

In a word—relationships.

The quality of your legacy will be measured by the quality of your relationships through life. Leaving a heritage and legacy is not rocket science. Success, real success, comes from intentionality and achievement of goals and planned outcomes around relationships with others. These key relationships define your values and determined the heritage or legacy you leave behind.

This is a form of immortality in that you leave a piece of your life behind with those whom you’ve loved and had relationship with. As you pour your heart and life and gifts and to others,you truly begin to define your life message as you invest in other people. These friends and loved ones and family members cannot help but be touched by your real-life example, model and witness.

We all leave footprints when we walk on the beach of life and the same is true for our walk through life. We are all leaving behind something. For some us it’s a mixed bag. For some of us it’s extremely negative and for others it’s a positive life legacy. These are the relationship based people who prepare for a real inheritance of true riches by transferring their passion and love over to others. This love is more often caught than taught. These are the people who model a positive life two is solid and sane walk through life that leaves each of us changed, sometimes in the most subtle way.

Transferring your passion to other people through intentional awareness and focused planning of who you are and who you want to be is a core practice of a life well lived. Much of this is on the subconscious level, and is not animated, overtly planned, or conscious. These are the people who touched our lives, and didn’t even know it. These are the ones who profoundly changed us with how they lived and conducted their lives in love, faith, hope, kindness and gentleness. They are genuine people who live transparent lives and leave real riches behind that have nothing to do with stuff. They are relationship based from beginning to end. They are relationship people, not stuff or object people. Possessions and material goods mean little or nothing to these relationship based individuals,

How do we then go through life being aware, focused and intentional in developing and fostering quality relationships, which result in a positive legacy? What are the keys, core values, outcomes and questions, which can unlock this life well lived? What are the principles? What are the rules? What of the protocols? Where do we get started? Who are the examples? How do we know when we are on track or not?

People who leave a positive life legacy and heritage through life lived on purpose in positive relationships are truly rich. They’re transferred passion and modeled and taught us things that are truly important. May we be as good as students as they are teachers.

Posted by Scott Hammond at 07:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (817)

Why Leave a Lasting Legacy?

Legacy…on what does that word mean to you? Leaving a positive and compelling legacy or heritage is what life is really about. ..

What is the key to success?

What really matters?

What footprint are you leaving on life and others?

Do you want to impress or influence?

What is the stuff of a real legacy?

In a word—relationships.

The quality of your legacy will be measured by the quality of your relationships through life. Leaving a heritage and legacy is not rocket science. Success, real success, comes from intentionality and achievement of goals and planned outcomes around relationships with others. These key relationships define your values and determined the heritage or legacy you leave behind.

This is a form of immortality in that you leave a piece of your life behind with those whom you’ve loved and had relationship with. As you pour your heart and life and gifts and to others,you truly begin to define your life message as you invest in other people. These friends and loved ones and family members cannot help but be touched by your real-life example, model and witness.

We all leave footprints when we walk on the beach of life and the same is true for our walk through life. We are all leaving behind something. For some us it’s a mixed bag. For some of us it’s extremely negative and for others it’s a positive life legacy. These are the relationship based people who prepare for a real inheritance of true riches by transferring their passion and love over to others. This love is more often caught than taught. These are the people who model a positive life two is solid and sane walk through life that leaves each of us changed, sometimes in the most subtle way.

Transferring your passion to other people through intentional awareness and focused planning of who you are and who you want to be is a core practice of a life well lived. Much of this is on the subconscious level, and is not animated, overtly planned, or conscious. These are the people who touched our lives, and didn’t even know it. These are the ones who profoundly changed us with how they lived and conducted their lives in love, faith, hope, kindness and gentleness. They are genuine people who live transparent lives and leave real riches behind that have nothing to do with stuff. They are relationship based from beginning to end. They are relationship people, not stuff or object people. Possessions and material goods mean little or nothing to these relationship based individuals,

How do we then go through life being aware, focused and intentional in developing and fostering quality relationships, which result in a positive legacy? What are the keys, core values, outcomes and questions, which can unlock this life well lived? What are the principles? What are the rules? What of the protocols? Where do we get started? Who are the examples? How do we know when we are on track or not?

People who leave a positive life legacy and heritage through life lived on purpose in positive relationships are truly rich. They’re transferred passion and modeled and taught us things that are truly important. May we be as good as students as they are teachers.

Parental legacy—

What is the bottom line of what you want to leave behind as a parent? Is it…

· Money?

· Portfolios?

· Real estate?

· Stuff?

· Values?

· Faith?

· Ethics? or something much more?

What does a genuine positive legacy look like? What are the elements, characteristics, and hallmarks of a positive legacy and heritage? What is the essence—the bottom line here?

The answer lies in nurturing relationships. Relationships are all we leave behind. To be more effective parents, who leave a positive heritage and legacy we need to be able to equip and nurture our children and it starts in the context of relationship. This is to set the foundation of best practices as a family leader or parent and involves…

1. Time to foster nurturer relationship with their kids.

2. A foundation of best practices, systems and protocols regarding family.

3. To incrementally introduce and practice the habits, attributes, and tools to parent with purpose driven intentionality.

4. To correctly grow our families to fulfill their best and highest potentials.

5. To listen and express oneself — being an active participant and honest communication

6. Being an actively engaged family member

7. To willingly and purposely pass on our love, humanity, and positive values to our loved ones

What is the essence and bottom line? These are just some aspects of the positive parent total legacy…

1. Foundation of faith

2. Contentment and satisfaction

3. Knowing who you are—strengths and weaknesses, gifts and more

4. Hopes, dreams and visions

5. Lessons learned and experiences gained

6. Knowledge and wisdom and understanding

7. Values and ethics

8. A thankful spirit

9. Love for God

10. Love for people

11. Love of nature and creation

12. Love of themselves

Is critical and crucial that we pass along a positive legacy because it pleases God, blesses the community, and identifies personal quality so lacking in our world. People of genuine quality are a rare and precious phenomenon today. By loving our children unconditionally and making them our priority of focus and care, we can add to what’s lacking in our civilization.

Posted by Scott Hammond at 08:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (801)

3 New Year Resolutions–Less is the New More

Less is more…

1. Spend more time with God…Pursue making time to simply be with Him in prayer, meditation, and quietly waiting on Him.
2. Loving my Wife Consistently…Making the time to grow in our relationship in dates, time, and having opportunities to grow in our relationship with God and each other. Loving my kids; Intentionally making them part of my day: everyday via play, talking and listening, and incorporating them into my life/schedule.
3. Self Discipline…Just executing reasonable discipline and time management in finances, cell time, web time, sleep, healthy eating, exercising, driving safely, and eliminating absorption with over-achievement, fear, worry, and angst. Actually doing less ; which is the new More…

Posted by Scott Hammond at 01:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (1184)

“These were the best of times….and the worst of times.”

The challenges of this year force us to really identify what is key in our lives.

I have learned that the key for me is Relationships.

”The best things in life …aren’t things at all.”

This is just a quick note to express appreciation for our relationship and your role in my life/success.

I would be remiss to not acknowledge your kindness and to let you know I value our relationship.

I honor you and wish to say thanks for all you've done/been for me.

I invite you to ask me for help... anytime you have need, as I'm here for you.

Please do not hesitate to ask, as I'll endeavor to be at your service.

With genuine sincerity,

Scott Hammond

Posted by Scott Hammond at 07:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (1201)

Compelling Holiday Tradition

We have a very cool Christmas tradition in Humboldt County, California.

For the last 20 years we’ve taken our family has a holiday ritual to the Ben Hurd Christmas tree farm.

There we have established a Christmas tradition and legacy that is both compelling and meaningful.

We have enjoyed over 20 years of Christmas and holiday warmth, relationship, and the love of family and community by the simple act of securing a lot of Christmas tree. Here’s how…

1. Family tradition– it’s really cool to look forward to a single event that defines and refines our family holidays traditions. Simple act of going to get a Christmas tree is a legacy and tradition in and of itself. It really makes a difference, because the experience and people are so wonderful, warm, and festive.
2. The people–Ben Hurd and his family really make the experience compelling. They are kind and gentle folk, who really are hospitable and know how to make folks feel at home.
3. The farm– the actual setting of the tree farm is really beautiful. Being surrounded by holiday cheer and hundreds of Christmas trees really brings home the fact that it’s Christmas time.
4. The drill– from the obtaining of the saw,the selection of the tree, to the actual cutting of the selected tree… the fun and joy is self-evident.
5. The afterglow– one of the things that they do at the tree farm is to provide a hot pot belly stove, fresh homemade wassail, and fresh homemade cookies. This ritual after a tree cutting ceremony is the perfect afterglow for such a wonderful holiday experience.
6. The cost– the price is nominal for such a priceless experience. It is certainly the bargain of the year.
7. The legacy– this experience is the stuff of legacy and holiday tradition for families. It’s easy to plug into — all we have to do is get in the van and go! Show up, create a legacy… it’s literally that easy.

The relationships, experience, shared tradition, memories, food, time together, and, oh yeah, the tree– all add up for a wonderful holiday tradition that can only be found, if sought after. Get in the van and forget about the tree lot. Blot it out of your mind– it is a thing of your past. Make the tree farm your new family holiday tradition, and you’ll be amazed at how quickly and subtly you’ve created a very cool holiday tradition for yourself and your family.

Posted by Scott Hammond at 10:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (880)

How to Win Friends and Influence People
This is Dale Carnegie’s summary of his book, from 1936
Table of Contents

1. Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
2. Six Ways to Make People Like You
3. How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
4. Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

Part One
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Part Two
Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Part Three
Win people to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

Part Four
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

A leader’s job often includes changing your people’s attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Posted by Scott Hammond at 07:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (1511)

101 Ways to Praise

1. Wow
2. Way to go
3. super
4. you are great
5. excellent
6. Neat
7. remarkable
8. I knew you could do it
9. fantastic
10. superstar
11. nice work
12. looking good
13. on top of it
14. beautiful
15. now, you found it
16. catching on
17. now you’ve got it
18. Beautiful
19. you care
20. you’re a good friend
21. makes me happy
22. you make me laugh
23. you are joy
24. you are perfect
25. you rock
26. you’re the bomb
27. pure joy
28. your perfect
29. you’re the best
30. say, I love you
31. you’re fantastic
32. you’re on target
33. good job
34. that’s incredible
35. dynamite
36. you’re beautiful
37. don’t stop now
38. good for you
39. I like you
40. your darling
41. you are precious
42. you’ve discovered the secret
43. you’ve figured it out
44. thanks for sharing
45. you are important
46. You belong
47. you made my day
48. you all are a treasure
49. awesome
50. fantastic job
51. hip hip horray
52. magnificent
53. Marvelous
54. terrific
55. you are phenomenal
56. you are sensational
57. super work
58. great job
59. super job
60. fantastic job
61. exceptional
62. you’re a real trooper
63. you are responsible
64. you learned it right
65. what a good listener
66. you are fun
67. you are cool
68. you tried hard
69. I trust you
70. outstanding piece of work
71. you mean a lot to me
72. you’ve got a friend
73. that’s correct
74. you are wonderful
75. you make my day
76. high five
77. Way to go
78. You as a man
79. Sweet
80. dude
81. fabulous
82. outstanding
83. unbelievable
84. far out
85. Way cool
86. so nice
87. chill
88. special
89. I thank God for you
90. oh yeah
91. on target
92. super
93. You are the best
94. You have accomplished it
95. I adore you
96. you are totally getting it
97. you have mastered this
98. there’s nothing you cannot do
99. you have achieved greatness
100. I respect you
101. I LOVE YOU!

Posted by Scott Hammond at 07:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (3906)

Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Posted by Scott Hammond at 08:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (3599)

Family First Checklist

"For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?" Luke 14:28

Do you want to give your family first place? Then consider these four aspects to lasting, godly commitment that you need to make:

1: Love your family first by having a total commitment to Christ.

It all begins with your vertical commitment to Christ. Anything less than a 100 percent radical devotion to Jesus is no commitment at all. Follow Christ first, above everything--above your spouse; above your children; above your family. Show them that you can actually love them better when you love Christ first than you could if you were ignoring Jesus and trying to love them in your own strength.

In their honest moments, most people know the struggle not to love other people, especially their families, more than they love God. But Jesus said in Matthew 10:37, "Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me." Jesus must be first.

2: Love your family first by calculating the cost.

Jesus said in Luke 14:28, "For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?" If you want to build a tower, have a great lawn, lower your golf handicap, or have a marvelous, joy-filled family, it's going to cost you.

To be Christ's disciple demands careful analysis. It means you have to count the cost of that commitment ahead of time. Can I finish the course? Can I give what success in this priority demands? Can I be a faithful husband for my whole life? Can I be the wife God has called me to be? Can I be the parent? Because if I can't keep my promises, I have no business making the commitment. But to be standing beside your spouse ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty years later and to be able to say, "I still do" is powerful! And that power will flow down to your children and to your grandchildren.

3: Love your family first by finishing the course.

In a world of quitters, Jesus Christ is looking for finishers. It's not how your family started that matters most; it's where you all end up as a family and in eternity that really counts. Make no mistake, there are many eyes on you. People know what you profess and they are watching to see if you can keep the commitment you've made to your family. The world is filled with starters-up like a rocket and down like a rock-but God's love in the heart of His children is what enables you to finish the course.

4: Love your family first by paying the price.

You need to know now that there is a price you will have to pay to have a God-honoring, successful family. Families that only stay together until hardship comes or conflict arises never experience the joy of all a family can be.

It's one thing to talk about commitment in a vague, generalizing way. But truly living the Christian life is hardest at home. Some of you are going to face something this year as a family that will call for a massive price to be paid! Get ready. When you want to pull back--that's the time to press in, push forward, and draw hard upon the Lord's strength to live a life of absolute total commitment to your family.

So what do you think? Each week you are invited to visit 10Choices.org to engage in one of the ten choices with book excerpt and questions, and most importantly, comments from you.
Courtesy Walk in the Word.com

Posted by Scott Hammond at 07:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (1843)

Ten Rules for Being Human

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.
2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life."
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."
4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.
6. "There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."
7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all this.

Posted by Scott Hammond at 10:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (3655)

THE COSTCO DATE

What kind of life do I have when the highlight of my week is a date with my wife at Costco?

With 9 kids, you can imagine it’s difficult to have any quality time to talk, reflect, communicate, or simply get on the same page with your spouse. My premise here is to show just how spending time together, no matter where it is, is the key to a great marriage.
I’ll tell you about the story of our Costco date, the benefits of our time away, and the satisfaction it brings me to be with my wife.

We start with a list. We must do an inventory of what we need to buy at Costco—paper products, cereal, refried beans, milk, eggs, frozen items, etc. etc..

Then comes the drive, where we catch up with on the week’s activities and just generally talk about life.
Here is where we set the stage for some time of good communication and quality time together.

Going into Costco is always fun, as there are several regulars who are colorful, wonderful, and friendly.
I do have to pull myself away from the high-definition televisions that my wife will not let me own.
We inevitably see other couples on their Costco date as well.

One of the highlights is the tasty samples, and of course looking for the great deal.
I just found some really cool Docker sweats for only nine dollars!

We grab our food at the food court, where Judy always asks about our kids and if indeed we’re on another date. We say yes, of course, and exchange pleasantries.

Now comes the time to carefully load up our catch and drive to the selected spot of the day to enjoy our quiet dinner-a sumptuous repast par excellent!
Here’s where we talk about the deeper things; kids, goals, schedules, God, the upcoming week, and life in general.

Time for the drive home. Sometimes we stop at Starbucks, which always is a great way to end a Costco run. We get home now, and the kids unload the Costco booty and are delighted to see stuff that they wanted. And we needed.

I discover that I do have a life when the highlight of my week is a Costco run/date with my wife.
Life is good. When I have time away with my best friend to shop, have dinner, go to Starbucks, and just have fun.

What am I lacking at this time?
Nothing.

Posted by Scott Hammond at 08:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (554)

Secret #5, Have A Great Marriage

The marriage institution is in trouble with a 55% failure rate across the board…

What will you do in actionable terms to have a solid marriage? Can you apply yourself and your resources strategically and work toward the end of having a solid, grounded, balanced, and alive marriage with your wife?

A good marriage sets the stage for good fathering. Your kids need security in the world, in their home, and in their lives.

A good marriage provides a sense of peace, order, and love within the home. It provides the foundation for all good fathering practices to take place.

We must model being a good husband for our kids, as they will take our model and become like us as they grow older…

I think I’m becoming my dad and I didn’t plan on it…

We must date our wives, make time to communicate, to be together, to talk, to pray, to be alone, to have fun.

Communication is the key, and the venue frankly doesn’t matter. We like going to Costco on dates! We pick up the week’s groceries, and also a slice of pizza and salad to enjoy in the car by the Bay… think of your own venue and what you like to do best.

Moreover, think of what your wife likes to do best… does she like to…

* go on walks
* go to Starbucks
* sit and talk
* walk the mall
* exercise or something else….

The point is, figure out and go do it with her! This weekly and daily dating your wife will pay off big dividends in a healthy marriage, family and society.

Is your wife on your agenda?

What’s the condition of your marriage right now?

How’s your communication with your wife?

If not you, who?

If not now, when?

Posted by Scott Hammond at 07:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (2972)

Secret #1- Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is love that is absolute, unreserved, and complete.

It’s love that is limitless, without strings, and not dependent upon the response of the recipient.

Unconditional love is really about your kids knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that they’re loved and accepted.

It’s saying, meaning, and living “I am truly on your side no matter what. I am for you. I am unconditionally on your side, always”.

Three action points to express unconditional love are:

· Appropriate Touch

· Positive eye contact

· Focused attention

Let’s look at these love actions in more detail…

Appropriate touch is the most obvious way to show affection.
It is defined by any type of appropriate, natural, physical contact, not just hugs and kisses.

Appropriate touch should be:

· Comfortable

· Natural

· Not showy or overdone

· Consistent

It goes with eye contact and can be many things including:

· A pat on the back

· A gentle poke

· Tousle of the hair

· Rub on the shoulder

· A light touch on the arm back neck or shoulder, again, all in an appropriate manner.

Kids who experience consistent, appropriate touch are more likely to:

1. Have good self-esteem

2. Be well-liked by others

3. Have an easy time communicating

Young boys especially need it, as do girls growing up into their teens.
The father-daughter connection is vital, because if we fathers are not touching our daughters properly, there are plenty of volunteers to touch them inappropriately…

We dads need to be huggers and to get physical with our kids.
If you are a self proclaimed non-physical “non-hugger”, change!

Learn to be appropriately physical and learn the ability to show attention and affection
through physical touch.

If you don’t pay attention to them, someone else will…probably not someone you would want.

It’s vital that we are intentional about showing our unconditional love through focused attention, positive eye contact, and appropriate touch. These three things can revolutionize and transform our relationships not only with our children, but with all those in our lives.

Eye contact means: “Looking directly into the eyes of another person.”

In our culture, it’s hard to have a conversation with someone who cannot hold eye contact.
It is a main source of emotional nurturing and is a continuous life-giving habit to our kids, if we will use it.

Eye contact is a close cousin to appropriate touch. The two used together are a powerful means to connect with your children.

The results and benefits are:

· Confidence

· We tend to like people who look at us while we communicate

· Eye contact adds meaning to conversation, as the eyes are the “windows to the soul”

One warning…

Never use eye contact or the lack thereof to make strong points, or when angry, irritated, annoyed, or frustrated, any of which are all part of being a parent.
The point is this-exclusive use of eye contact in anger is destructive, as is withholding eye contact.
Withholding eye contact is cruel and more damaging than corporal punishment and if you play that game, you and your children will lose.

If you, as a grown man, withhold eye contact as a form of punishment to anyone in your life, you may want to take a look at why and consider a change.

We do need to learn to confront in love, while maintaining positive eye contact. When we need to have courageous conversations with our kids, we need to use eye contact as a life-giving source of affirmation, not as a means to tear down, belittle, withhold love, or demean.

We can and should use positive, affirming eye contact with all those around us on a regular, intentional, and habitual basis.

Focused attention is giving a person your full, undivided attention.

It is the most demanding of the three actions as it takes time, energy, and giving up other activities in order for us to give our focused attention to the people we love.

According to a 1996 Gallup Poll, the average father spends less than sixty minutes a day in some contact with his kids. What’s up with that?

How much time do you spend? Honestly?
We need to be able to give up the “tyranny of the urgent” and live in what Stephen Covey calls “quadrant number #4”, where we intentionally do things that are the most productive.
This should include giving our children our focused attention as fathers.

The benefit is your child feels completely loved and valued.
They feel they’re the most important person in the world.
Kids do their best with focused attention as part of their lives.
It shows in their behavior, performance, attitude, and motivation.

Focused attention must be a daily occurrence and we as dads need to make times to make that happen daily.

This requires being intentional. It might well require things like putting down the newspaper you were reading, in order to look at the bug your daughter caught. It might mean staying up late, when you’d rather be in bed, to listen to your teen son pour out his frustrations of the day. It might mean giving up an evening out so you can read bedtime stories to your kids. It is a sacrifice of time and energies that pays big dividends.

Focused attention becomes paramount in priority…
It comes before everything else you do with or two your child, including

· Training

· Guiding

· Teaching

· Correcting

It is the key to unlocking the door to being a great dad.
It should always be natural, comfortable, appropriate, and unhurried.
It will result in a child who…

1. Is comfortable with themselves and others

2. Is well-liked

3. Has a full “emotional tank”

4. Has good self-esteem

5. Is easier to communicate with

Are you giving your child emotional support through focused attention today?

Appropriate touch, positive eye contact, focused attention.

These are the languages of love when it comes to raising well-adjusted, healthy kids.
We fathers need to make these a daily occurrence. Did you know that, according to a recent poll, the average duration of contact between fathers and children is under two minutes daily? If we only spend two minutes a day with our children, how can we possibly convey our love through our actions?

We need to leverage these languages of love- to begin to not only speak them, but to be fluent in all three. Which language does your child respond to best? Are you speaking that language to your children today?

If not, why not?

If not now, when?

If not you, who?

Posted by Scott Hammond at 07:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (1087)

My Story

I’m here to share my story as a only child in San Diego .In the 70s sex ,drugs, and rock ‘n roll prevailed and as an only child I was raised by my mother. I had total freedom, and by the age 18, was totally empty. One morning I woke up at Humboldt State University and discovered that I was extremely empty ,unfulfilled, and unhappy. And I needed a do over.

So I started over and reinvented myself. I met God, I met my wife Joni ,and I get immersed in a new church community. I had a personal spiritual, mental and physical revival.

I started a career in recreation and quickly found I needed to make real money. So I took a job in radio sales . I took a job in newspaper sales where I spent the next 20 years building a family of nine children with our share of struggles, trials, two special needs kids , and …plenty of life’s hurts. The reality of the tragic was everywhere. The key for us as a family is how to find healing restoration the right response to go forward. May we leave an intentional legacy of love by leveraging our gifts, skills, and resources...

Posted by Scott Hammond at 08:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (2215)

Leaving a Living Legacy:Relationships

What will your best friends say at your funeral?

I came home from a road trip and my wife sat me down at the foot of our bed and said, “Your friend Dan Gunderson is dead”.

I couldn’t believe my ears, hoping it was a joke.

It was no joke.

This death caused me to think…

1. What is a life well lived?
2. What is greatness
3. What does a legacy look like?

I have three questions for you and myself…

1. Who has invested their time, life, and gifts in you?
2. What would your best friends say about you?
3. Who are you now investing your life skills and gifts in?

Someone who invested in me was my dad Bob… he was a real SOB (Sweet Old Bob).

He modeled and lived a life built on relationships.

You could pack all that he owned into his Chevrolet, but he left us incredible riches…

a great love and relationship with people, God, and nature.

1. People.

My father built relationships with everyone, whether in Alcoholics Anonymous, church, family, or just on the street. He built and fostered relationships with everyone he met.

I brought him into my sales office to share his sales genius.

We were all prepared with notepad and pen in hand…

All he said was, “If you’re in this for the money, you’re only about half paid”

That was it! I was a little annoyed and disappointed that he didn’t have more and refused to speak more on the sales craft.

It’s taken me 30 years, but now I realize the genius of my father’s statement… which is build relationships with people and you’ll be paid in incredible riches.

2. God.

My father was a World War II P 51 Mustang fighter pilot.

He killed many people in the South Pacific theater during the war.

Through sobriety that AA afforded him, he forgive himself and others, and connected to a relationship with God.

The Alcoholics Anonymous’ “higher power” had a name, face, and a real love, which my father translated to all he met.

He gave a grace and mercy and forgiveness to both himself and all those he knew.

3. Nature.

My dad loved his flowers, and he had a tremendous appreciation for nature, creation, and all things that grew.

He would stop us in a park or a golf course and say,” Scott come and smell this flower, check out this plant!”

I would dutifully give the cursory sniff, only to find that he was right.

There was beauty all around us if we were only willing to stop and smell the flowers.

He taught me the best things in life are not things at all… they are a love for people, for God, for nature.

How do we leave a legacy?

Are we object-oriented people or relationship-oriented people?

An object-oriented person treasures and values that which is temporal.

Examples would be possessions, travel, experience, wealth, pleasure, etc.

A relationship-oriented person, on the other hand, values that which is more eternal and immortal.

Examples would be… being compassionate, a good listener, showing kindness, saying I love you, being a hugger, and generally valuing all people.

Your three more questions for you…

1. What is most important to you?
2. If you could change anything about your life what would it be?
3. Why aren’t you doing that right now?

For me the answer is to invest in relationships and leave a piece of myself behind.

By investing in relationships, you will leave a richness in others, make a difference, and you will be changed.

One person who made a change in me was my deceased friend Dan Gunderson.

At his memorial, which was awesome and compelling and showed a life well lived, a little girl came forward to say a few words.

She bounced up front, happy and joyful, and began to speak of Dan’s love for her…then broke down and choked out, “Dan was my next-door daddy!!”

She wept openly as only a child can do.

Dan had taken the time to build a relationship with someone who was not core family, business, church, or other venue.

She was a little girl next door, and he reached out to her and made a difference.

My question to you, going forward, is just this…

To whom will you be a “next-door daddy“?

To whom will you reach out and make a difference in their lives …just because?

Posted by Scott Hammond at 07:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (248)