Become a Better Father/Every Day Dad

Compelling Holiday Tradition

We have a very cool Christmas tradition in Humboldt County, California.

For the last 20 years we’ve taken our family has a holiday ritual to the Ben Hurd Christmas tree farm.

There we have established a Christmas tradition and legacy that is both compelling and meaningful.

We have enjoyed over 20 years of Christmas and holiday warmth, relationship, and the love of family and community by the simple act of securing a lot of Christmas tree. Here’s how…

1. Family tradition– it’s really cool to look forward to a single event that defines and refines our family holidays traditions. Simple act of going to get a Christmas tree is a legacy and tradition in and of itself. It really makes a difference, because the experience and people are so wonderful, warm, and festive.
2. The people–Ben Hurd and his family really make the experience compelling. They are kind and gentle folk, who really are hospitable and know how to make folks feel at home.
3. The farm– the actual setting of the tree farm is really beautiful. Being surrounded by holiday cheer and hundreds of Christmas trees really brings home the fact that it’s Christmas time.
4. The drill– from the obtaining of the saw,the selection of the tree, to the actual cutting of the selected tree… the fun and joy is self-evident.
5. The afterglow– one of the things that they do at the tree farm is to provide a hot pot belly stove, fresh homemade wassail, and fresh homemade cookies. This ritual after a tree cutting ceremony is the perfect afterglow for such a wonderful holiday experience.
6. The cost– the price is nominal for such a priceless experience. It is certainly the bargain of the year.
7. The legacy– this experience is the stuff of legacy and holiday tradition for families. It’s easy to plug into — all we have to do is get in the van and go! Show up, create a legacy… it’s literally that easy.

The relationships, experience, shared tradition, memories, food, time together, and, oh yeah, the tree– all add up for a wonderful holiday tradition that can only be found, if sought after. Get in the van and forget about the tree lot. Blot it out of your mind– it is a thing of your past. Make the tree farm your new family holiday tradition, and you’ll be amazed at how quickly and subtly you’ve created a very cool holiday tradition for yourself and your family.

Posted by Scott Hammond at 10:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (658)

Be present now—
Where are you right now? Are you here, in your chair, reading this? Or is your mind racing elsewhere – to your unread e-mail, or what to make for dinner? Are you still flashing back to your tuning comment your boss made hours ago, continuing conversations with people who are not even in the room?
Don’t laugh, but time travel is a real – we spent a lot of time in the past and the future. All day, we plan, fantasize, remember and regret, and missed the here and now. There’s a toll for all the psychic torturing – lack of focus, lost energy and hidden stress.
Do some simple techniques to learn to be in the present. When you savor the moment –
1. You probably find your enjoying life more
2. You’ll be less stressed and more productive
3. You’ll enjoy food more even as you eat less
4. The likely some more open and generous
5. He’ll appreciate the people around you more
6. You become a better listener and Observer
7. You’ll find a better communication and connection in your relationships
Who could argue with all that?
Learning to be present, or mindful is a lifelong pursuit. Meditation is all important to that can lead to the skill. There are things that you can do today to help. Many of the techniques involve breathing – focus on it, it’s almost guaranteed to bring you back to the moment requires no special tools or training, so it’s a perfect way to begin.
Try to adopt is one of these ideas, even once a day – whichever one seems easiest. Once you experience being in the present, you can find you want to try other techniques to extend the feeling. Here are a few examples –
1. When the phone rings, don’t jump up to answer it – take a good deep breath before you say hello.
2. Program your computer a watch to beep once an hour. -- When you hear the beat, stop and take five deep breaths.
3. Before getting out of bed, take five minutes to do a mental scan of your body-. How does everything feel?
4. Before rising in the morning, utilize your Tabernacle choir--. Remember all the positives of your life. Remember, rehearse, and review all the good things and grace that has been given you.
5. Practice doing just one thing at a time—stop multitasking, it will poison your soul and mind...if you’re eating don’t watch TV or read. If you’re walking… don’t talk to focus on your single activity.
6. As you eat, take small bites into each one 30 times—you will discover you enjoy your food more, and it’s healthier to.
7. Stop look and listen—really smell the flowers, listen to people, focus your attention, and be in the process of the moment. You will be more peaceful, focused, loving, present, and engaged as well as engaging!
Once you start developing the ability to be present at certain times of the day, defined in a valuable skill to call on to defuse stress at any time. As with learning a support or musical instrument, the more you practice, the more adept and you’ll be calm. Before you know it, you’ll be nowhere else but here… are you here right now?

Posted by Scott Hammond at 09:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (2044)

The bucket list—

What one thing would you rather be doing right now?

Anything in the world? …

If you could go there and do it right now, what would that one thing be?

Talk of the bucket list has to do with the need for fun, risk, pleasure, midlife crisis and to do what right now is not doable… the concept of the bucket list assumes plenty of resources and time and money and the ability to execute them and implement one’s bucket list.

Not so fast…. Most of us don’t have the time or money or resources to go around the globe and to see the Kilimanjaro in Africa or to go check out the Pyramids of Egypt. Most of us are lucky to get a vacation once a year and perhaps go camping or stay at a Holiday Inn.

Hawaii might be a possibility for some of us, a very few, but for most of us were a bit stuck.

This being stuck is far more than just a lack of resources— it’s a lack of imagination and thinking out of the box. When you really take the time to think about what is possible and doable within your resources and means some really cool example start to emerge…. I call this the mini bucket list.

There are several Mini Bucket List things that we can get done on a local or regional basis. We still have the physical ability to set do some. The idea of something fun and risky and pleasurable before we die is a good idea. The physical decay of our bodies preclude us from doing many of the things that we’d really like to do that are very real radical…. But it still leaves us with many things that become extremely doable.

Here are some of the aspects of a many bucket list….

1. Affordability

2. Realistic

3. Pleasurable

4. Satisfying

5. Risk/perceived risk

6. Exhilarating

7. Local or regional

8. Ability to execute and implement

9. Legal moral and ethical

10. Out-of-the-box…

If you take the time and sit and think you can come up with at least 10 things you like to do before you pass, which are local and affordable and doable. Some of these might include:

1. Lunch or dinner out at the best place in town

2. A golf weekend, the best place available

3. Afternoon movies

4. Hike & picnic

5. River rafting

6. Two hour massage

7. Full Spa makeover

8. Kayaking

9. Fly to Vegas on a deal

10. Rent a cabin in the woods…. Much, much more.

The idea becomes obvious and the execution becomes painfully necessary for those of us who’ve created and lived in routines for years. The Mini Bucket List becomes therapeutic, in that it gives you some empowerment still have a little fun and a conservative and realistic way and still break the bonds of routine and rut. This becomes therapeutic in that it is risk-taking, and yet the perceived versus actual risk is actually pretty safe.

It fills the need for fun, risk and enjoyment.

Write your list.

Book the trip.

Surprise your spouse.

And get out of here!

Really, Get out of here!

Posted by Scott Hammond at 07:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (1371)

How to Win Friends and Influence People
This is Dale Carnegie’s summary of his book, from 1936
Table of Contents

1. Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
2. Six Ways to Make People Like You
3. How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
4. Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

Part One
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Part Two
Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Part Three
Win people to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

Part Four
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

A leader’s job often includes changing your people’s attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Posted by Scott Hammond at 07:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (1511)

101 Ways to Praise

1. Wow
2. Way to go
3. super
4. you are great
5. excellent
6. Neat
7. remarkable
8. I knew you could do it
9. fantastic
10. superstar
11. nice work
12. looking good
13. on top of it
14. beautiful
15. now, you found it
16. catching on
17. now you’ve got it
18. Beautiful
19. you care
20. you’re a good friend
21. makes me happy
22. you make me laugh
23. you are joy
24. you are perfect
25. you rock
26. you’re the bomb
27. pure joy
28. your perfect
29. you’re the best
30. say, I love you
31. you’re fantastic
32. you’re on target
33. good job
34. that’s incredible
35. dynamite
36. you’re beautiful
37. don’t stop now
38. good for you
39. I like you
40. your darling
41. you are precious
42. you’ve discovered the secret
43. you’ve figured it out
44. thanks for sharing
45. you are important
46. You belong
47. you made my day
48. you all are a treasure
49. awesome
50. fantastic job
51. hip hip horray
52. magnificent
53. Marvelous
54. terrific
55. you are phenomenal
56. you are sensational
57. super work
58. great job
59. super job
60. fantastic job
61. exceptional
62. you’re a real trooper
63. you are responsible
64. you learned it right
65. what a good listener
66. you are fun
67. you are cool
68. you tried hard
69. I trust you
70. outstanding piece of work
71. you mean a lot to me
72. you’ve got a friend
73. that’s correct
74. you are wonderful
75. you make my day
76. high five
77. Way to go
78. You as a man
79. Sweet
80. dude
81. fabulous
82. outstanding
83. unbelievable
84. far out
85. Way cool
86. so nice
87. chill
88. special
89. I thank God for you
90. oh yeah
91. on target
92. super
93. You are the best
94. You have accomplished it
95. I adore you
96. you are totally getting it
97. you have mastered this
98. there’s nothing you cannot do
99. you have achieved greatness
100. I respect you
101. I LOVE YOU!

Posted by Scott Hammond at 07:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (3906)

Your Passion Plan

How do you identify your life’s purpose? How can you identify your passion plan?

Setting the stage for life Renaissance…

Part of setting the stage for a midlife Renaissance is to…
1. Identify what motivates you.
2. Be creative, and dare to dream.
3. Go up to altitude and see your big picture and get an overview of your life.

Some of the tools you can use to reconnect with your passion plan include:
1. Writing down your goals on paper. They need to be specific, measurable, aligned, realistic, and timely.
2. Accountability; you must be accountable in order to be successful.
3. Inspiration; you need something larger than yourself to motivate you toward your goals.

One way to get started in your passion plan is to take a retreat, a passion retreat if you will.
Take some time away to relax, reflect, and experience renewal.
Write and keep a log and record your discoveries.

Goal setting is a tool anyone can use.
My father introduced me to Tommy Hopkins and his tools to set up written goals.
After 25 years of goal setting, I’ve experienced some of the rewards of utilizing a set of written goals.

The Yale University study of 1953 showed that the 3% of the class that used written goals possessed 95% of the wealth after 30 years. What does that mean to us?
Just this, that in order to be successful and to achieve your life’s dreams, you must write down your goals and execute your plan.

Some of the groups that I’ve been part of who utilize goals, and the support of community include;
Toastmasters, Mastermind groups, Alcoholics Anonymous, church communities, and others.
These all play a role in some form of positive accountability and may play well in your passion plan.

Posted by Scott Hammond at 09:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (4603)

How to really whack at your kids… to truly mess up their innocence.—

I was flying on a plane and the folks across from you had a small boy named Alex. Alex was all boy… he was a hopelessly curious, always processing information, thinking, learning and asking questions. What was interesting about the story is that his folks were compelled to constantly correct is data. They corrected his questions, comments, deductions, vocabulary, language usage and so much more. They seemed compelled to be right more than they were about loving their Alex. In my mind, they were whacking their son, and setting them up for some sort of pathology as he grew older.

Children possess a rare innocence in Christ said, lest you become as a child you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven. They’re loving innocence and kindness makes them a model to learn from.

We as parents to take this innocence away with our sarcasm and snotty and snippy words and attitudes. Our anger and frustration and ongoing angst truly tends to whack our kids. Many of us have to be correct and right all the time or else... life becomes unchecked.

All of these corrections, reality checks, and "talkin tos" in the name of helping our children equates to cruelty, madness and translating much of our own personal issues and baggage over tour kids… why can’t we just be merciful?

Why can’t we just go with it when they’re in a stream of conscious flow of thought? Why can't we urge them on as they dream out loud? Why can’t we verbally endorse their process and not worry so much about their content or conclusions, exclusively?

We can always come back later and dialogue and discover what is truth incorrect and right and good--- but how can we ever get there if we are so busy correcting little Alex and his plethora of poor communication and logic?

The madness, we parents and adults possess and wanting to be correct-- coupled with our moodiness is something that truly monitor and become aware of. ... so as to intentionally jettison. We need to see our issues and own and fix them. We need to be in the moment and be present and enjoy our kids rather than hurt their hearts. We need to truly encourage the development and thought process so they can eventually discover the truth, and thereby be set free.

Next time your kid begins to verbally explore their world--- go with it. You don’t have to be right or correct or the boss in authority (you are). You do need to be merciful and kind and gentle. You do need to see your own issues and tendencies in moodiness and anger and own them. You do need to be intentional about your issues to fix them. Quit trying to fix other people and go ahead and fix yourself. Quit trying to be correct and illicit rightness from all those around you and concentrate on being right in your own heart.

Be here now.

Be present.

Enjoy the ride!

Posted by Scott Hammond at 01:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (2594)